[ Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood ]
In My Blood - Shawn Mendes
This song really resonates with me very well recently. Actually maybe not recently, but ever since I guess for the past few months? Hahaha I mean okay, let's be honest, I feel that ever since I started working, I have been insanely hard on myself for God knows what reasons. I think I have very strange high expectations for myself but hey, sometimes you really just have to admit that there are some things that are truly beyond you and it is really not your job to fix every single thing. You try your best but you know, sometimes there are some things that no matter how hard you try, things won't work out. Yes, you feel helpless, you feel like crap because you see some things that need to be fixed but you can't seem to fix it. That feeling sucks. But you really just gotta learn to let things go and just do your best in ways that you CAN help.
And work hard for those. Read up more, learn more. Learn from people who you know you can look upon to learn from. Ask for help, seek help. Don't feel that you know, I guess just don't carry the weight on your freaking shoulders. Freak, you are only what, less than 1 year of working experience?? Who do you think you are, trying to change the world? If the world can be changed to quickly, life won't be as it is now.
Changes take time and sometimes you really just got to be a bit more patient. And just do what you think you can do. Things that are beyond you, learn to listen to people and let things go. Even those people who are affected understand that it is beyond you. So why can't you give yourself a freaking break? I think that's what happens when you care too much. And you feel that there are some things you really don't agree with but have to follow through because you aren't the one calling the shots.
But I guess with all these come very strong learnings. This job thing may have taken a toll on me but yes, I'm not giving up and I'm going to push forward and really find the strength and purpose in this. And remember why I started this out in the first. Why HR, why this company, why am I still here working hard, what is it that I want to achieve for the next few months.
It really won't get easier; it's just gonna be harder. But yknow, with the right attitude and mindset, coupled with incredible support systems in the form of family, friends and colleagues, I am sure I will have the strength to continue this and really overcome all this. There may be some bumps and bruises along the way but what's life without them right?
There is a reason why God puts you through this. You may not see it yet, but that's where you gotta have faith and trust in Him. Back in 2013, after I got back my A levels results, I was lost as to why things were this way. But things did work out. Fast forward to 2017, I graduated from SMU, found my love for HR and those 4 years in SMU were certainly some of the best years of my life where I can see how much I have grown and found back the person that I have kinda lost back in JC. So God really really has a plan for you. So you really have to push hard and believe that He has His reasons for making you go through all these and to make you stronger and better.
Life is a wonderful adventure; fight hard.
(Also posting this on 4 Oct 1AM hahaha. September had been truly insane that I really didn't have time for this but wow, this has really been a good uplifter. Thank you, Blogger.)
