forward

I was looking at some old photos from my harddisk and I realise how I actually am not a photographer. LOL 'cause okay, the photos are mostly terrible. There were actually just random spamming of the shutter and most of them are just freaking random and gross. Like I legit cannot stand it. But I guess one thing great about all those spamming is that it can capture certain golden moments and when you see them, you will really laugh. 'Cause yes, they are really hilarious. So I guess I wasn't a photographer but then but I was taking photos and yea, some moments are captured nicely so that's good. And yes, I can see my improvements over the years too. So I guess that's a good thing too.

And looking at old photos, I realise how as you grow older, it's much easier to let go of certain things and focus on the present. I used to think thoughts like "The past is so great" and "Oh how I wish I can go back to those days and enjoy those moments" and what not. But right now, as I look back on those days and at all those photos, it suddenly felt different. Those photos do still bring smiles and all. But I won't be thinking such thoughts anymore. Maybe because as you grow older, you realise that what truly matter is the present. Living in the present and making the most out of it. Because yea, the past is history and we can't do anything about it. But the present and the future are still kinda within our control.

And you let go of things way easier. I really hoard way too many things. Even photos and memories and stuffs. But as you grow older, there are even more and more memories and photos and stuffs. So you somehow have to make room for these new ones because yea, they are important too. And slowly, you will just learn to let go of those who cease to be as important. It may sound really sad but I guess that's just how life works. People truly do come and go. And letting go means that you are making room for new and even better and greater memories. Yes, the assumption that the future will be better. But isn't that what we all want for the future? To be better than what it is today? If we know that the future is not better, we won't bother working hard towards the future.

I used to think that letting go of things is very difficult and sad. But I realise letting go of things is a necessity in life. In a day, we only have 24 hours. Given this limited time, you have to prioritise and focus on things that are important to you. Or rather, things that make you happy or things that add value into your life. You really don't have time to bother about things that make you sad or negative. So yes, letting go is just part of your life. And it sounds really strange but it feels good to let go of things sometimes because it frees up space for new and better things.

Take my harddisk for instance. As I was looking at the old photos, I realised how there are some photos, or rather some people who I don't care about anymore. Of course, I still wish the best for them but their lives don't have any impact and effect on me anymore. So I just delete the photos of those people. (And also 'cause there were really a lot of terrible photos such as those with bad lighting, blurness and many more gross ones that I have no freaking idea how did I use to think those photos were decent I was young and foolish ah. Thinking I was some pro photographer. So lame.)

But ANYWAY, yea, and it feels kinda good deleting them. 'Cause you really free up some space. And I don't know. You narrow down to those that are more important. It's something that I know I really need to learn and I've been trying. As you can probably see from the past few posts. But I guess sometimes in life, there will always be certain things that are harder to let go and take a longer time for you to finally come to terms that they are truly no longer important to your life as much as you hope for them to be.

But I guess the truly amazing thing about looking at all these old photos is that there are certain people in some of the photos who are still very much a part of your life. And the more amazing thing is how they had became even more important from when the photo was taken. Some people are really just worth the keeps and I guess as cheesy and cliche it may sound, I truly believe that it is all part of God's plans that these people are still part of your life and they won't leave. True, it will get harder to make the effort to keep in touch and what not. But somehow, I have this strong faith that there are just some people in your life who are just gonna be there for you for a long, long time. It's really not about the quantity but the quality.

I'm just truly thankful and grateful to God for blessing me with really incredible people in my life. That those who stayed are truly the ones worth keeping. And they are the people who make you a better person and in some ways, help to shape your current personality and character. Right now, I am really satisfied and happy with life that when I look back at old photos, I won't pine and wish to travel back in time. Right now, I hold on to the present and whoever who are here currently. Those who matter and yes, I look forward to the future too as well. People who I may not have met yet but may become important people in my life in the future. It's all truly very exciting to think of how the future will be. Creating new memories with the people who are currently in your life and meeting new people who may become important people. There are times when you think that having all these current people will be enough to last you for a lifetime. They truly are. But I guess we still shouldn't stop ourselves from opening up to more people 'cause yea, there are some people who are just meant to be important people in your life You just haven't meet them yet.  

3 things

Okay currently I have 3 things I wanna say. This is gonna sound like a stupid post, but they are very specific and important 3 things so okay lar, it's a reminder to myself.

Firstly, I think it's time for me to do something crazy. Something different and isn't safe. It may sound stupid but I feel that for the past 21 years (going 22), I have been living a very safe and assured life. Not that I'm complaining. I'm truly happy with my life now and how everything turned out in my life. I have not much regrets but it's just that I realize I usually almost always take the safe options. Those that I know if I take this route, if I make this decision, I will be okay. I won't get hurt. I guess this fear of getting is always what makes me wanna take the safer option. Risk averse. But to be honest, I don't think I'm entirely risk-averse. I guess I just feel that I should take more risks. Be more open to life. And I don't know. Take some leap of faith. And don't worry so much sometimes. So I guess this exchange is truly a good time for me to just do stuffs that I won't usually do. Time to take some risks and first experiences. Of course, don't worry I won't do completely crazy stuff 'cause I'm still me ah. LOL so yes, I guess it's really just opening up more and yea, learn to be more independent. I realize I tend to rely on people quite a lot without me knowing. Like subconsciously. I really am a person who needs people. Okay, I still think I'm generally independent. But lately there is this part of me that really wants to have someone to depend on. So this exchange is truly a good time for me to just learn to be independent and enjoy my own company. All the solo trips I'm actually kinda excited for them but also kinda scary. This will be when I do something different from usual. Hopefully. Need to be brave enough.

Secondly, sincerity. Lately, I've been saying stuffs about being true and all. 'Cause yea, you can tell a person's sincerity from the way they speak and their actions. You can feel it with your heart whether a person is being sincere. And I think that's why I've been feeling quite strange lately because I come to realize how there are some people in my life who I wish for them to be sincere. But they actually aren't completely sincere. So it's like the mind wants them to be sincere but the heart tells you that they are not. Hence there is this conflict and hence you feel a bit strange. It's kinda sad. But I guess it's cool too 'cause at least you know who really matters? Like you won't blindly listen to your mind but you'll listen to your heart too. And so I guess really just rmb those who are truly sincere and hold them close. Know that yes, these are really the people who don't take you for granted and won't make use of you. People who are sincere. 

Thirdly, this point actually doesn't really matter a lot but I guess yea, results can be disappointing. They often are disappointing but after getting sad about it, you really just have to accept it and move forward and hope it gets better. But it's truly disappointing though. When you know you didn't do the best that you can. But yea, I guess there really are other ways to brand and promote yourself instead of through grades and everything. Your life shouldn't be about getting good grades and all. And yea, I choose to believe that people care more about your soft skills instead of grades. With that being said, I need to really work on my soft skills too. Like be more vocal and outspoken and active. I think I'm really improving. Like I can see myself becoming more active instead of passive. And I guess that's one of the great things about SMU. They really force you to be more active and take more initiative in stuffs. So yes, hopefully all these will make up for the not so good grades. 

Ah well. At the end of the day, I'm glad to be alive and blessed with a wonderful family and also friends whom I can lean on always.

who matters

I realize... It's pretty obvious who are the people that truly care about you. You can tell over the small things they do and say. And that's also how you know how some people are just taking you for granted. But it sucks though. When you can tell the difference. 'Cause yes, you'll be thinking to yourself why am I still bothering about these people. Why does it still matter. 

But I guess, sometimes people have differnent ways in showing their love for you. That's the optimistic thinking. But I guess, what really matter is to appreciate and treasure those who treat you right. Those people who truly care about you and what's going on in your life. These people matter. Don't take them for granted and make the effort to know what's up in their lives as well. It truly takes two hands to clap in any form of relationship so yes, reciprocate the love and don't take them for granted. 

it will happen one day

Hehe finally watched this and it's really a super good feels movie. I like. HAHA but watched in poor quality but okay better than nothing. Must wait for the official release.

But wow, this thing with fate is still pretty interesting. Ok this movie is quite cliche but I still like 'cause it's really funny. And happy ending. Everyone likes happy ending. Heh.

喜歡上一個人，是會不知不覺的。
Liking a person is something that you can’t control—it just happens.

So I guess yea, just wait for your happy ending. I believe it will come someday. Right now, focus on yourself. On becoming a better person for yourself. Treating yourself right and always remember that things may not seem to fall into place the way you wanted it, but that doesn't mean you won't be happy. Or that yea, it's the end. I guess sometimes if things are really meant to be, it will fall into place. And you will know what is worth fighting for and what is not. Sometimes you may not know. But maybe it's just not strong enough of a push for you to do something about it.

I guess just remember to be happy. That you really have a hell lot of great people in your life to be thankful for. And yea, that's all that really matters. So yes, life is really good for me now and I can't be more thankful and happy. True, there are times when you want more but what will happen eventually will so we just have to be patient and wait for the incredible things to happen.

The best things in life are always, always worth the wait.