blah blah blah

HAHAHAHA Shit I think I'm really very very mean. But this gif honestly made me laugh like mad when I first saw it and I'm still laughing at it now as I see it. That moment of shock is damn bloody classic. But yea lar, if someone ever do that to me, I'm quite sure I will cry too. LOL

Anyway, I'm very tired now. And I don't know why. Ok I know why. 'Cause of Fun O Rama. HAHA! Which is fun? Kinda. Not really. LOL! There were too many people and it was hot yet wet yet gross. And I don't know just very tired. Haha! But ok, got to see quite a lot of people who I don't see often so that's nice. But some people I don't get to talk to them long and I'm sad. Haha! But ok lar, I know that they are the people I can ask them out on other days anyway. BUT I SWEAR IT'S DAMN BLOODY CROWDED. I prefer going back to AC when it's quite empty. Lol! But ok, still awesome to hang out with the JC pple~ The only reason why I'll go for funorama in the first place actually HAHA!

But yea, honestly feeling quite tired now. But I still need to do this assignment which I have been procrastinating since forever. Technically, I'm about done already. Just yea. LOL! The urgency not there yet. Then along came Syahirunnisa who just had to remind me that I have 3 more weeks to my first paper. Thanks Nisa, really appreciate it. HAHA! Ok lar, I kinda honestly do 'cause yea I really need to realise the urgency. That it's really 3 freaking weeks. To make sure I know enough to do a decent job at exams. And hell, my finals is damn bloody important to pull up some crazy bad grades from mid terms. =\

On the plus side however, I have very cute and funny friends. Who I forgot how much I kinda do miss them. Ok lar, I know I miss them. It's just nice to talk to them after like ten million years later. And somehow, you can feel that they kinda do miss you too. Hehe. But really ah, they are super queens and atas and annoying but yea I miss them.

And ok yes, I'm thankful for the constant people in my life too. Like Jiesi. Because she complained that every time she read my blog and see me posting about missing pple but I see her almost every other day so she isn't part of the people I miss. WHAT EVEN RIGHT? But yea lar, crazy glad that I have you in 2 of my classes so that somehow we can study together and discuss and try to up our level in the modules even though we really suck sometimes. Ok it's just me who suck lar. But yea, at least I provide people to ask questions to if we don't understand some stuffs from the modules. Haha! But anyway, YESSS we must really hardcore mug all the way until 25th April!! Can one. I believe we can one!!!

And yea also thankful for other constants who drag me out to shop with them eat with them and who I drag out to eat with me and so on and so forth. People who I see damn bloody often but we don't get sick of each other 'cause we just "use" each other to do errands and random stuffs. And when we need someone to accompany us, we find each other. Lol! Good job to us.

Alright, since I have type nonsense stuffs, I shall go and continue to type useful stuffs.

confidence

Alright, I just need to rant a little.

I really have no idea why I can't present with great confidence and stuffs. This nerves thing is really getting on my nerves. Not meaning to make a pun here but it really just very annoying how my nerves just makes me lose my train of thoughts. It's not as if I never prepare. Probably never prepare enough. But because of nerves, it feels like I don't know my content well and lack practise but I do know my content well just yea, probably should have practise more. But yea, I thought I could do it.

Presentations is still annoying to me. Like somehow I just cannot be all confident and strong about my point. Sometimes it's alright. Rarely though. Like I don't know why. And my gestures are very stiff. Like for real. I really too damn rigid already.

But yea, I really need to learn how to present with confidence. It's not like I don't know my content. I just have to get my message across in the right way. With confident and pose.

Probably because I was trying to memorise from my script. Yes, I come to realise that script is bad. Like for a person like me who can never memorise anything, I should never write script for presentations. Yes, strange enough, even though I am a Geog and History student, I can never memorise stuffs. Unless I try damn hard and the thing really needs to be memorised. But it's really something I somehow cannot do. How I survived geog and history was by understanding them and just write in my own words.

YESSS I really should have done that for all my presentations. =\ Script just kills me. Like I'll spend more time trying to remember what is on my script instead of focusing on getting the message across to the class. =\ And I realise this failure to memorise thing is something since when I was very young. Somehow, my mind just rejects having to memorise things. Somehow. Like I mean memorise scripts and stuffs. I can remember quite a lot of stuffs but when it comes to script, I just can't.

Sucks lar. It just feels quite sian 'cause it looks as if I don't know my content well. =\ And yes yes, my fault for not practising enough when I know  I should. And yes, from now on, I should never write a script. Just use my brain to form stuffs as I speak. It's like telling a story to your friends.

BLOODY HELL SIA. I can tell stories to people so effectively. =\ Why can't I do it with presentations? I tried to image that my friends are in the audience. LOL. Yes I really honestly tried. But then the nerves just got over the best of me and I failed. =\

I think I really need to find that strong confidence in me. Like channel it out and just present it. Oh well, at least I'm done for presentations this sem. This sem really hasn't been all that great though ok, not completely bad but I really prefer last sem. =\

But whatever, year 1 is going to be over soon and omg, summer break. Freaking hell summer break. I need it and I want it and I'm so glad I'm going to have it.

annoyance and importance coexist in my dictionary

HAHA! Ok this isn't new to people who know me. Annoying is kinda quite a word I commonly use. I have no idea why I always use it but it just happens to be so. And yes, today suddenly I realise it's honestly kinda true. Haha! Ok lar, I did tell my friends before. That they should be thankful that I am calling them annoying because it means that they are important in my life. To be annoyance in my life. Lol!

It sounds really strange but it's very true. Haha! Like somehow, everyone I like is annoying to me. They will somehow annoy me in one way or another but somehow I still like them. But that's probably 'cause I'm equally, if not even more annoying than them. HAHA!

Okok, this really isn't a new revelation but it's still pretty cool how it really is true. And yea when I call you a bitch, you should be happy too 'cause it means that I am comfortable with you enough to call you a bitch. Girls or guys. Everyone lar. Everyone I also call bitch. Yes, my lack of vocabulary.

One day, I will find some super hard word that has similar connotation as "bitch", then you all will know. Tsk. But ok, I'm not that hardworking so whatever, you guys will always be bitches and annoying people in my life for a long time, because once annoying, always annoying. <3>

i miss

I miss people. I really really want to meet up with people. But I want to do work too. Because when you meet people, you don't want to just meet for a meal and go off. You still want to talk to them and know how's their life is and update them with your life too. And it's always never enough to just eat a simple meal and go off. You will really want to talk to them for awhile or longer than awhile. It's just never enough I guess. I know me spending time here blogging, I can actually use this time to meet people but trust me, meeting friends takes a lot of time and I will really want to devote time for them.

But then there is school work. Endless deadlines to adhere to. Projects to discuss. Studies to catch up. Content to understand. Graphs to draw. So many things to do that is just so overwhelming. And yes, you just can't seem to find time. Somehow. There is just always something to do. Even if there isn't, you just want to rest during the free time. Sucks really bad.

And I don't even know why I miss people so much lately. Or rather since uni started? It's not as if I don't have friends around me. It's just different I guess? And probably 'cause university is really hard. And in hard times, you just really want to be surrounded with people you are very very comfortable with and just be your weird crazy you because they know you and they love you for all your weirdness and your annoyance. I guess yea, I just miss having people who I can be silly with. Who just makes me be at my utmost comfort. I guess it's really something I have to get used to because yea, this comfort zone of mine is restricted to only a few areas and yes, it's not huge but the world is huge so yes.

And bloody hell. There is this stupid mosquito flying around me as I type, happily sucking my blood, knowing that I cannot catch a mosquito. YOU BITCH.

I need to meet people. From outside school. Someday. Somehow. But nope, I think I really need to focus on getting my work done. Need to up my game like crazy. I don't even know how or if I am not too late in trying to up my game but yes I will still try. Even if the ending comes out badly, at least I give in my best. I think yea, I really need to up my game like crazy. So yes, people, my favourite many people, I miss all of you like super crazy lot but yes, we will meet and have fun and talk for hours and hours and hours until we foam when finals is over!!!!!!!

Actually, I realise that yea, right now, you actually rather just meet your friends for a meal than not meeting at all sometimes. Because honestly, life really just gets busier from now on. Yes, there is summer but you will still be busy somehow?  Even if you are free, they may not be free. Like even if you see them for that short while, where in that short while, you annoy each other, hate on each other and insult each other, it's better than not meeting them at all? Right now, seeing them will just lighten up your mood somehow. Even if it's just for that short while. Because yea, sometimes you really just need to see those familiar faces once in awhile and be comforted. Haha! Hence, Snapchat is a great invention. And actually, that's when birthdays and special holidays matter? 'Cause it will be the perfect excuse to meet up. Haha!

And ok lar, actually, in all credit, I think I may be able to squeeze out a few hours in the next few weeks some days just for awhile. Yes, I believe in taking some breaks even if it isn't a good idea but me being me, I need my balance and fair share of some sort of fun. Some sort ah. Sigh. Hate how my guilt level is super low in that I really honestly won't feel that guilty when I am having fun. Which is good I guess but sometimes the consequences can be big and I will only see the consequence after awhile. But whatever, right now, yes, up my game and let's go.

AND YES I FINALLY KILLED THAT DAMNED MOSQUITO AFTER IT BITING ME LIKE SUPER CRAZY LOT. I HATE YOU BUT YOU ARE DEAD SO WHATEVER

And what I really love about blogging is that I can type out whatever shit I want and not feel weird and can go on rambling about useless stuffs and not feel stupid unlike Instagram. Haha! Just that ok, for Instagram, I do end up rambling at times too. I'm honestly very naggy but whatever, it's good sometimes. And I'm sorry for not posting Korea trip stuffs as I erm kinda promised. LOL Going to be 1 year since we went to Korea already!!!

Okok time to go bathe and eat dinner and start on work.

photos you nearly forgot about their existence

 HAHAHA I LOVE THIS PHOTO LET'S RECREATE THIS PHOTO AGAIN PLEASE. I WILL LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH

Don't know why but decided to stalk my photos on Facebook starting from the first photo that I ever got tagged in and I found this and laughed like mad. Ok, I found a lot more than this actually. LOL! All funny. And it's kinda the times that make you realise how Facebook is actually really pretty awesome and great invention. Haha! I really use Facebook for photos function I realise. Though many people stop uploading photos to Facebook, me included but I'll still try. Heh. And it's really quite pretty impt ah. Maybe one day when I'm more free I'll create another blast to the past album. HAHA! But ok, probably will be slaughtered by many people 'cause everyone really look very very funny last time. Somehow, there will always be this period of time in your life that you really look terrible. And it's kinda funny to look back at the photos and see how terrible you used to look. And be sure hell thankful that you look quite different now as compared to last time, and usually for the better. It's true that everyone looks nicer as they grow out of teenagehood. Somehow ah. LOL!

But yea, honestly quite fun to stalk your old photos from Facebook. HAHA! Just that I couldn't finish stalking until the current 'cause erm I kinda have quite a lot of photos on Facebook I realise. LOL! But yea, it's still quite fun to look at old photos. That's why I love doing birthday stuffs for friends actually. An excuse for me to look through my huge collection of photos and laugh at the photos. Haha!

Reasons why photos are honestly very very awesome. I really should keep them coming. Continue snapping. And bring people joy. Hehe. Ok lar, nowadays people are more receptive to taking photos so it's all cool. Heh. But I really still love the natural shots the best. And the random snappings. I need to get a new lens. Ok, I want to get a new lens. After finals! Have many many plans for summer breakkkkk. Heh. =D

comfy people

People who I can be childish and brutally honest with. People who I'm completely comfortable with. People who I can talk utter nonsense with and they will stare at me and judge me and all but I don't care 'cause it's them. People who I don't have to think twice before I speak. People who I can be mean to. People who I allow them to be mean to me. HAHA! People who can take my nonsense and listen to all my weird stories. People who I fight with over the most childish things just because it's fun and entertaining. People who I can make silly requests to and they will still do it because they love me (Awww HAHA). People who are just simply crazy awesome in every way. People who can make me laugh and smile to my phone and be like an idiot. People who can make me smile like some crazy woman when I think of something regarding them and I have to hide that stupid grin on my face like mad because I'll look like some psycho. People who I miss very very much. People who I really don't see often but when I do see them, it's always the same, as if the time since we last met wasn't too long ago. People who I'll kinda miss even just meeting them. People who I honestly can never get tired of meeting. People who are just my comfy people.

I miss my comfy people. Haha! Sounds damn retarded but yea, my comfy people. People who I can be completely myself with. People who know this other side of Yi Fang that only comfy people will see. HAHA! I don't know why but just suddenly really miss my people. Lol! Sounds like I'm some gang leader with a whole big gang of people under me. Hah. I wish. Haha! 

But nah, just my friends. Those close friends. Some I just met up, some I see almost everyday, some I haven't seen in ages. Actually, it's really just my comfy people. I miss that weird crazy me. Like I can only be that weird crazy me with those people. Which I mean, isn't that bad. But it feels so weird somehow. Lol! Like I cannot fully be myself. But it's not as if I'm restricting myself to not be the weird crazy me. I'm just naturally more weird and crazy with people I'm comfortable around with. HAHA! Ok I think this sort of applies to most people. But yea, I just miss them. 

Sometimes when you get used to something, it's hard for you to readjust when it's no longer there? Like those 8 months I spend most days with my comfy people so I got used to seeing them rather often. And it sucks now 'cause it's like some drought of not meeting up. =/ even though honestly, I still see many of them quite often but different ah. Now we are all in the school mode so it's not as relaxing and stuffs. But okok, nonetheless, I'm still crazy glad I still see some comfy people from time to time. To keep me sane from this crazy uni life. 

Summer break summer break!!! Though I think I'll be quite busy. =/ but at least it's more fun busy than annoying busy. And I can meet up with my comfy people more often. Heh. My definition of comfy people is actually really almost all my friends. LOL! Ok lar. Just the ones I'm comfortable with. People who make me happy~ Haha! Ok lar honestly, I'm easily happy. Which is good!

But I guess I just need to always rmb that I'll always have my comfy people around and need to be less sian with this crazy uni life and just really try to enjoy every bit of it. Even the ones that kinda suck. Just try to find some love in them and yea, things won't be as bad. And remembering that yea, your comfy people will always be there to make you comfy again. HAHAHA! Shit sounds damn funny but the idea is there. 

Alrighty, I shall go to sleep now. The weekend I shall try to max out as much as I can. Not try, must. 

we go far

My regular stalkers of this blog. Haha!

I'm posting this because I know that you guys are going to read it very quickly 'cause you all somehow almost always stalk here, I don't even know why. Haha!

Anyway, suddenly feel this surge of thankfulness to have met them in AC. They are really the best thing that happened in those 2 years of JC and they have became pretty important people in my life.

Yes, I have many important people in my life and each and every friend is special to me in their own ways. I am an equal lover. HAHA! Okok sounds damn retarded. But yea, this group of crazy women are really amazing? Haha! It's just pretty awesome how our friendship developed. How we try our best to make time for each other even though we are in different school. Ok lar, Eunice is the only one alone. HAHA! But yea, we will still go to each others' schools when we are free because it's just us lar. HAHA! Glad that we found each other in that crazy sea of people in AC. Ok, granted, we were in the same class but hey, if we didn't choose thos subject combination, we could be all in different classes. Haha!

So yes, even though I have known them for only 3 years (this is our 4th year of knowing each other), it feels like we've known each other for a long time and yea, this is when time really doesn't matter at all. It ain't the quantity but the quality yo. Haha! But actually if you think about it, 3 years is pretty long too. Uni friends are like less than 1 year but some of them are pretty awesome too. Haha! Some friendships are just right. Like you can click means you can click. And yea, it's all good. Lol!

But anway, really super thankful to have found these weirdo people. Who stalks me so often. They are so going to use these words against me next time but it's ok! They are still pretty awesome. =) Looking forward to our crazy road trips and travels together~

I know I should be doing other work but blogging keeps me going and starting so yes, my motivation to do work!! Haha! Okok, I'll go start on my work now. Presentation tmr! And Thursday. Both pretty last minute preparations but yes, I can do this! These next few weeks are going to be non-stop craziness but yes let's hope I'll survive well. Not just barely surviving but survive it well. I need to be more confident when presenting too. Just need to pretend that everyone else there are my friends because bloody hell, I can be so damn nonsense and shameless in front of my friends that I don't even get it. So yes, just pretend they are all my friends.

it is not the end, really.

So today was the release of A level results for 2013 batch and somehow it just got me thinking about the day I got my A level results last year. And yea, after going through a one hell of a year, it really got me thinking how much happened in this one year. From the time I got my results until now.

And yes, everything turned out alright.

At that point of time, you really feel like that the end. That all those years of studying boils down to this and nothing great came out of it. But honestly, it's just a white piece of paper with alphabets on it. Those alphabets don't matter. What matters is how you get up from this and come back stronger.

It's a fall, yes. You can cry. I cried. So very badly. I sort of disappeared from everyone else. And I thought that what I needed was to be alone but I realised no. At that point, I needed people around me. To tell me that somehow everything will be alright even though it doesn't seem so. Or just someone to sit by your side and just be by your side. Because times like these, being alone really isn't good. You need to talk it out. And crying helps. To relieve all that upset and disappointments.

But after all the crying, after all that feeling sad and helpless, you need to come back up. Because being sad and all doesn't get you anywhere. Figuring what to do next after you finish pouring your emotions and come to terms with your results.

Heck, it took me very long to actually finally come to terms with my results. But I guess you will com to terms with it eventually and embrace whatever you got. Accepting the results and take it. Yes, it's easy for me to say this now because I got into a local university ultimately. But this doesn't mean that my life is set from now on. It still all depends on how much effort I want to put in these 4 years. What I want to do in these 4 years of my life. I can be very well wasting my life if I don't grab on these 4 years and make the best out of it.

So ultimately, it really all depends on you. Yes, you may end up having to take a different path or route instead of the conventional one but that doesn't mean that you won't do well in life. A Levels is really not the end of your path. There are still so many more opportunities out there and so many chances and we are only so young. There are so many things we have yet to experience and ultimately, the onus is really on ourselves to make our own lives better.

Yes, you can cry and be sad about your results but don't just stop there. I guess that's something I learnt from this past year? Or rather, something I learnt since a while back. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel sad or disappointed. Nothing wrong. Because it makes us human. But that doesn't entitled us to be sad and disappointed forever. Wallowing in your sorrows. What for? Nothing good comes out from it.

And when you can't find the strength within yourself to get up, find strength from people around you. They are the ones who love you very much and want to see you up and happy. They care about it so much that you really ought to be thankful and blessed to have them in your life.

I think my thoughts are all over the place again but I guess this one year ever since I've gotten my results made me realise many things and from now to then, I've experience so many different things that it's quite hard to summarise everything. But I guess in the past year, I cannot be more thankful for the grades that I've gotten that brought me to where I am now. If I've gotten better results, who knows where I would actually be. And I may not have met some pretty good people in SMU and yea, things will be different. Yes, I complain about my school much very often but it's really quite a good school actually. I won't regret coming here. Even though I didn't really have a choice to choose from in the first place. But that's a good thing. At least I didn't have to choose because I am damn well sure that if I was given the chance to choose, I would have chosen somewhere else instead of SMU and things will be so different and I think I may not like it. The people I've met so far are really great and yea, I'm sure things will slowly get better and we'll get used to it all. It's all about adaptation.

This past year, I've also grown to appreciate people more. The ones who matter. I miss so many of them though. But yes, what's pretty awesome and comforting to know is that you know that you have an impact on their lives just as how they and impact on yours. Mutual friendship. Haha! But it's true though. I really am blessed with so many great people in my life. And yes, I cannot be more thankful.

Of course that awesome family too. They have really been my rock for the past year, tolerating all the weird moods I have, all the tears and sadness, all the screaming and shouting. My mum ah. I think she really had it the worst somehow. Haha! So yes, she is hell of an importance in my life. My dad and my sis as well. But I think my mum really had to tolerate most of my weird mood. But yes, she is forever and always crazy encouraging and always supports me in whatever decision I make. Somehow, she'll always have my back no matter what.

Alright, eyes are semi closing. I still have many stuffs to do. This life currently is hectic yet slack, yet I have no idea what but yes, I will endure it and come out stronger and better. I have no idea if I'm typing things that make sense anymore but yes, things may not always go according to what you may have thought to be but ultimately, you will get there.