it's not gone yet

Lights in Phnom Penh.

Whenever I look at the photos from the Cambodia trip, my heart always ache. For the children in the photos. And sigh, I really want to go back. Why is money always a factor in life? And time. And many other things.

I know there is a limit to how much I can do. But I really hope to be able to see these children again. And hopefully, they will remember me too. Haha! But yea, to see their smiles again. And hear them share about what they like and aspire to be. We were all young once. You know how it feels like to be a child who full of hopes and dreams. And to see it in their eyes, it just lets you have faith that yes, humans are still great. That everyone is born with big dreams and goals and the innocence in them. Despite them having been through quite a lot of trials at such a young age, they are still able to smile brightly at us. It's something that I probably won't ever forget.

And yes, I really hope that it will be possible for me to visit them again. Someday. It will be great if they are able to come here. And then we can show them around. But yep, that might take awhile before it happens. There is so much for them to grow and develop and gah, I just really wish they will have a good education experience at the school despite not having a good one in their public school. But okay, I guess more about this next time. I shouldn't be blogging now but the feels came creeping in 'cause I had to choose some photos to be burn into a CD for the school.

Also, shout out to the dark knight for doing damage control to a crazy emotional wreck. Haha! Okay lar, more of a ranting session that gave way to great and wonderful enlightenment about life and what not. We will get through this!! "Take charge of your own life" No thank you for the reminder. =)

valuable lessons

Very very much feels about Cambodia. This is taken from the plane ride back from Cambodia.

I was writing my report for Project Phoa and ah, I looked back at some of my reflections from the trip and think back on what I did and yes, I really miss the students there.

That day, during the donor's talk, our first slide was a photo of us and the children and we all just stared at the photo and looked at each and every single one of the children. And I think that in all our heads, we really hope that all these children are doing well and having a decent life in Cambodia. And yes, that one day, we can visit them again. Hopefully so. I really want to. If I can. If time permits.

But you see this thing about life and time, it doesn't wait for you. I can't guarantee that I will have the time to go back there again but I know that I will really want to. Someday at least. I don't want it to be just a one time thing. Such OCSP shouldn't be just a one time and never again thing. But I know it might not be all that easy to just go back like that but I will really want to if possible. Because yes, these children have got so much potential in them. And I want to know each of their stories. 2 weeks is freaking hard to get to know them entirely well. Each of these children has so much to stories in them and I really want to know them. And try my best to help them even though there will be many moments of helplessness. Puspa shared with us her many encounters of feeling completely helpless. And it was a terrible feeling. Even for someone like her who is super strong-willed.

Here I am living such a good life in Singapore and complaining about many freaking things that are like not even worthy for complains as compared to the children there. It really sucks 'cause they are honestly just in a pretty stuck situation. And just because they happen to be born in Cambodia and into their family. It just feels very unfair. But I guess yes, I believe that they have their fair share of joy and happiness. They do. And I guess I just really miss them. 2 weeks is short and somehow, it really just doesn't feel enough. It's like there are so much more things I want to teach them and help them and talk to them about.

But yes yes, I shouldn't be sad and all. Just be happy that I have this experience with them and hopefully they will remember me like how I will remember them. Teaching is honestly one of the most rewarding job ever. There is this strong sense of accomplishment in teaching. So yes, I guess I should just be glad that I was given this chance to know these children for those 2 weeks with them. And yes, hopefully one day, our paths will cross again.

Project Phoa II Day 1

Sunday 8th June 2014

First day! I figured I ought to at least start so that I'll be more motivated to actually type out stuffs and reflect proper. Yes, ever since I came back to Singapore, this procrastinating, lazy-ass me just creep right back into me. Like almost immediately. And it was horrible because I think it took me 2 weeks to finally get moving again. I mean yea, I did stuffs here and there but it was still quite horrible. I won't blame it on being back in Singapore makes me like that. But yes, I really need to stop procrastinating.

ANYWAY, so first day wasn't much actually. Lol! It's just me waking up and taking my own sweet time 'cause part of me didn't really want to go. Haha! Ok the reason is actually lame. It's because I wasn't very close to the people that I was going on the trip before the trip. So I was kinda scared that the 2 weeks were going to be really long and unbearable and I will miss my family and friends like mad. Well, turns out I was wrong and I had never been so glad to be wrong ever.

So I had my 2 Indians who came over to my house to deliver breakfast. Heh. The initial plan was to eat breakfast outside together with them and Feli. But being us, we were lazy. I was just reluctant to wake up and leave my bed. Faeqa had to wake up call me. LOL. And I also took my own sweet time eating my Mac Breakfast while Swap was rushing hers through for me. Yes, I know I suck. And I know that Fizla and Swap are kinda incredible. =D

I told them not to accompany me to the airport but them being them, and me being me, I was slightly lying. Ok, I was lying of not wanting them to accompany me to the airport. But I honestly felt bad for making them do it. Like I want them to but I feel bad too. Yep, that's my life. But ok lar fine fine, they are freaking awesome for accompanying me to the airport 'cause my parents were in Malaysia and my sister had to go somewhere also. So no one from my family sent me off. Though yes, it isn't a big deal but aiya, still feels nice to be sent off by at least your family. But it's okay! I had my 2 Indians. I need to stop calling them that but they are still my favourite Indian friends \o/

And also those bitches who wanted to go but never go in the end. But yes lar, I know you all wouldn't mind going if you could wake up and were free to go so you all are awesome too.

We look really terrible but yes I love you guys many many.

And they hate me too 'cause when I met up with the rest, I sort of ignored them. HAHA! Yea like embarrassed by my parents like that. OHYA OMG the best part was how one of my friends thought momentarily that I was adopted by some Indian family. HAHAHA! For a moment lar. But even then, it's actually damn bloody hilarious. Then yea, he became smarter and realised that they are probably my friends instead of my adopted family. HAHA freaking hilarious when you think about it.

So after they said bye to me, we went to check in! Most of our stuffs were hand carry 'cause save money. And yea my bag was slightly heavy and somehow I had a lot of things so yes, super thankful that I had Faeqa and Swap with me to help me carry all those japalang nonsense that I had.

Went inside to have lunch before we board our plane!

Took photos!! There was a selfie stick so hence, we had many photos that we just took ourselves. Haha! And I also realised how useful selfie stick is sometimes. It's kinda fun also. Girls ah. Haha! We really like to take selfies somehow. Ohya, might as well introduce these friends here so that it's easy for me to continue posting. Me, Rachel, Phoebe, Joyce, Melvin, Junhao and Ian! In a circle way. Aiya, it actually doesn't really matter. But yep! This is the team. It's super small for an OCSP but I kinda like it this way. And yea, it's really quite amazing how I actually feel the changes in our friendship within the few days. Lol! Like as I'm typing, I remember how the first day I was really still that quiet Yi Fang. Haha! All lies when you reach a few days later. I really take quite awhile to warm up ah. Lol!

Boarded the plane!! I watched 2 episodes of Friends and some other stuffs which I forgot and I wanted to sit and look out of the window while listening to the music but suddenly we were landing. LOL! It's a super fast journey from Singapore to Phnom Penh. Less than 2 hours I think?

Reached Phnom Penh at around 3pm? Ohya! Cambodia is 1 hour behind Singapore. So we kinda gained time when we reached Phnom Penh. Took the luggage and they bought the card so that we can use it for directions and stuffs. And head to our hotel!

We stayed in this hotel which is of walking distance from the learning centre. So it's super convenient and safe for us to walk there in the morning because we had to be there at 7am. And the hotel is pretty good? Just that slightly expensive for Cambodia but I guess safety's first! The staff were very nice and friendly and I really like them.

But they probably hate us secretly for stealing their water everyday. Lol! Yep, instead of buying ten thousand 1.5 litres of mineral water daily, we refilled our 1.5 litres bottles at the hotel lobby. HAHA! Yes, we are horrible. But eh, we did pay for our stay! At first we were quite paiseh to take the water, but towards the end, we just heck it and I think they just accepted that we were just going to be like that and probably couldn't wait for us to leave. Haha! But yea, I still really like the staff. How they remember which rooms we were staying after the 3rd day when we went to the front desk the get our keys. And the doormen would eagerly open the front door for us when they saw us leaving or entering the hotel. And the cooks are awesome too. Morning breakfast! All the omelet and stuffs. Haha! Oh man, I'm missing Cambodia now. =\

And by the looks of it, I think day by day recount of Cambodia may take me forever to finish since there are 17 days and I'm still at day 1. Not even done with day 1. I need to learn how to summarise life probably. But actually, blogging don't really need to summarise lar ah.

ANYWAY, went up to our room to put our stuffs and had dinner at this restaurant which is just opposite our hotel! Brooklyn Cafe. The owner is an American I think? And he stays in Cambodia and rides a motorcycle. And he is very friendly. And super cute 'cause there were flies inside so he was trying to kill it using the swat flies thing. The food is good too!! They tell pastas and pizza and burgers and many other Western food. The portions were huge though. It was quite impossible to finish them but I think we still did. Actually, no, we takeaway quite a lot of food after that. Haha! Joyce was really hungry so she went crazy ordering many food to realise that she cannot finish them. Lol! Super impulse one this girl.

After dinner, we went back to the hotel to chill before we met up with Puspa and Jachin who are the ones in charge of ELIC (Educational Life International Cambodia).

Our final debrief before we start our first lesson with the children!

Many things were shared and I think I'll write them in another post. I think I'll stop with Day 1 'cause erm, there are really too many things to say daily. So I'll probably just do a round up post instead of day by day. Since first day we actually did nothing but I can end up typing such a freaking long post.

And I'm tired now too so I shall continue either tomorrow or another day~ But yes, at least I started so I think it should be easier to continue I hope!

Phnom Penh feels

Them feels at night. So yes, I'm still in Cambodia. After like ten thousand years. Haha! Okay, actually, it really doesn't feel very long. And I'm not homesick. I'm more of I kinda don't want to leave this place 'cause that means that I'll be saying goodbye to the children here. And I know I really don't want to. 2 weeks seem long but it's actually really short.

And I think it's my best school trip so far? School-related trip. One where I actually came on without having a friend I know beforehand with. As in I kinda knew all of them from my first camp in SMU and they are technically my first friends in SMU but I wasn't close to them. But it's really one of the best trips ever? Too many things to share about but I will talk about them when I get back and really sit down probably to blog about it or maybe just write it down.

But I'm so thankful that I came on this trip. Like seriously. This experience is something really worthy and great? Like I really learn a lot and gained a lot from this trip. And the company is really great. These people whom I'm on the trip with are really wonderful people. I'm glad that we are just 7 people so it's easier to be more bonded and get to know each other better in some ways or another. It's quite cool I guess? And it's cooler 'cause I got to know them again since technically, they are my first friends from SMU but it stop there. So that's pretty cool. Haha!

Many many things to say about this trip so probably will leave it for next time. Really too many things to say already. Mind might probably burst. And as much as I miss my family and friends, a part of me doesn't want to go back. Because once I go back, it means that I must start doing stuffs. Like real stuffs. Which I know I should probably stop procastinating them but the thought of having to face all of them isn't very enticing.