eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

"Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."

This thing about memory is something that you have no control over. You can't just choose to forget something because you want to. There are some things that you try your best to forget but you just can't.

Just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I really regret not watching it earlier. It made me realise that yea, there are some things in life where no matter how hard you try to change it and alter it by simply "forgetting", somehow it will all just come back to you.

It's really interesting though because saying that you want to erase someone from your memory seems like the best way to forget the "pain and misery" that they have cost you. But the thing with erasing memory is that you forget everything about that person, including the good times. I remember wanting to erase people off my mind before but yes those were childish days HAHA but yea, now that I think about it, no. No matter what happened, each memory forms a part of our lives and shaped the way we think and the way we are at present. By simply erasing that one part of your memory, it just changes everything and you are not who you are anymore. It's just a very weird idea.

I remember discussing this with a friend on whether it's good to have it and lose it or not have it at all. Initially I said to not have it at all. But then I realise by not having it at all, it's good that you don't know what you are missing out on but there is this sense of emptiness? Because yea, you don't have it. So actually maybe having it before at least like you know what is it like to have it. And though you lose it, at least you have the memory of having it. And I believe that there are good memories to remember of it even if you lose it. Things that will make you look back and smile.

But I think the most important part of life is really just to live in the present. Sure, the past may look great, was great and seemed to be better than it is now but the thing about the past is that it won't come back. What happened in the past stays there. So the only thing we can do now is to treasure what you have now and make the best out of the future. You can't go back but you can go forward. And the future is something unexpected but yet exciting. It's scary but limitless.

I guess there is this thing with fate that you can't really control. Or rather, God's plan. Not to sound all religious and stuffs but I truly still do believe that God has a plan for everyone and it will all pan out. Right now, it all may seem a blur and confusing but I guess it's about trusting and having faith in God or whoever that you believe in that things will work out in the end.

Of course, you don't just sit there and wait for things to happen. God will only help those who help themselves. People who are actually doing something about their own lives. So I think I have no idea where I'm going with this post just that memories are important in shaping you but you shouldn't live in them. Live in the present and believing that everything will work out eventually. 

guess who's backkk

YAYYY FINALLY BACK FROM EXCHANGE but yes, I truly miss this place though. It's like I know I won't be going back there anytime in the near future. But definitely will go back again some day.

Suddenly have many feels but I will leave it to other posts 'cause I feel like I still have to settle many other stuffs first before settling this blog. Haven't been updating much because yes, travelling keeps you moving and very busy. That's why Instagram is kinda good 'cause you can just update bits of your travels more regularly.

But yea, I have been thinking of just updating here more regularly because blogging helps to clear my head actually. Or rather, typing and writing and reflecting are quite nice HAHA I guess it has really been quite awhile since I properly did a post here so it suddenly feels very refreshing.

In any case, this is really still a space for me to look back one day and laugh at how ridiculous I used to be. Or what my dear friends do. Tsk tsk. But okay lar, I really do still like blogging. It's therapy LOL

Anyway, right now being back in Singapore feels very weird and detached. Though I have been going out for the past week, it still feels a bit strange to be back? It's like the floating feeling. Like somehow though I'm back to my home ground, I still feel very floaty? Like I'm not truly back. Maybe because my room is still in a mess and my laptop too and my photos and wow, there are really many things to do and I better hell do them before school starts and not procrastinate again.

Also, need to work hard for my final year because someone never work hard enough the past 3 years. But okay, right now I am very motivated so I hope this feeling really stays. I guess after resting more and organising my stuffs together will help? I was telling someone how I think my life feels a bit messy because my room is messy. So everything just feels very messy. So yes, time to get some organising done.

And this exchange really made me learn quite a lot of things. Learned more about myself and what I want and many others. Which yea, I will sit down one day and properly type them out.

3 weeks before school starts so yess let's hope I really can settle all that I want before this final year. 

white supremacy

I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw this video about how there was an ISIS attack at Baghdad that killed about 200plus people. Yet, nobody changed their profile photo like they did for Paris, Brussels and Orlando. Nobody had hashtag #prayforbaghdad. Before this incident, there was also another attack at Istanbul airport. And the same thing too.

So yes, is it that the world only care if it happened in to the Westerners? Is it that if something happened in Western countries, it's more serious? Lives are lost. Who is to say that the value of the lives of certain people are more than others? They are all people.

That's when you realise how messed up the world is. I admit, there are times too when I tend to have a stereotype towards certain race. And when I realised what I was doing subconsciously, the feeling is quite terrible. How can you determine a person's character based purely on his or her skin colour, gender or what not? How is that fair to judge a person's behaviour based on something that he or she doesn't have a control over. They are born like that doesn't mean that belong to that stereotype. But I guess stereotype is something that we can't really control. It's just that we need to remember to look passed those stereotype and not jump to conclusions.

Idk why lately I'm posting these kind of stuffs hahahah but okay I guess, looking at all the news and being in Europe itself where this white supremacy thing is the most evident, I realise we are really living in a very scary world right now. And somehow, I just really hope that ultimately things will all get better? It's scary to think about what kind of world you will have to raise your children in in the future. I really hope that things will truly get better. That there is still some form of humanity in the world. #prayfortheworld #faithinhumanity

(Please pardon me for the incoherence in this post, my thoughts are really just all over the place right now)