universe has a plan

"The great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do; they’ll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I’m not saying you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever. You see, the universe has a plan kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It’s a scary thought but it’s also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be, exactly when you’re supposed to be there. The right place at the right time" 

— Future Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother)

But see, is timing really enough? Or must you grab on to the opportunities when it is right in your face? But what if you really had no idea that it was right in your face, just waiting for you to grab the chance? And then you missed out on that opportunity and somehow there aren't any other chances anymore.

I would really like to believe that yes, the universe has a plan for us and everything will work out fine eventually. But sometimes, I really don't see it. I know I shouldn't doubt and just learn to trust but sometimes, it's strange I guess.

I guess I'm just amazed at how there are some people who used to be quite a constant in your life just a year ago and just suddenly stop being that constant. But I guess it's really the ones that stayed who matters most right? Not the ones who left because yea, they made the decision to stop being so important in your life anymore. So I guess you really just have to accept that that's all there is to this. And I guess if fate ensues, maybe one day your fates will be intertwined again.

But I guess it's something that we won't ever know because it's in the future. So yea, just enjoy the present and appreciate the people who are still very much here and around with you.

And yes you strong independent woman HAHA it's okay to feel vulnerable sometimes and want to have that special someone to share things with and to know more about his life as well. But these things take time and patience and I really believe that good things are worth the wait. Stupid Korean dramas always make me think about all these. But yes, he better be worth the wait man. 22 years alr. HAHA going 23 oh wow. But yes honestly, right now I really don't want to have anything because I feel like I still have a lot of things that I want to do for myself and really just make myself a better person. And yea, you really have many things you can do and many things you are capable of doing so just go forth and be great and once you are busy (and not watching Kdramas), you won't even think of all these stuffs and just focus on whatever you have to do. I guess that's really my focus now. On just doing stuffs for myself and also being there for my family and friends in whatever ways possible.

What will happen will eventually happen so just be patience and good things will come when you least expect them to. 

reminder; what change do you want to make?

Really shouldn't be actually watching stuffs and reflecting now but I guess when you watch something that is very real and happening to our lives now, there are bound to be some thoughts and reflections that just needs to be done now. 

I watched "Before The Flood" which is this documentary about climate change by the National Geographic Channel, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. And it certainly was worth my hour and a half watching it. Yes, we know that global warming is real, we know that climate change is real. I've studied this in Geography. I felt it first hand when I visited the different countries in Europe and realised how strange the weather conditions are at times. In Singapore, we only felt the heat. But overseas, the erratic weather is truly what's scary. 

I guess what stuck me the most is how Leonardo DiCaprio uses his influence to get people to be more aware of this situation with climate change. I think that is very impressive. Of course, I'm sure he truly believe in the cause as well. But you see, not many people of influential power use that power given wisely. And he is very consistent with his fight for climate change and I think it's quite admirable of him. 

One thing that I always felt after watching such stuffs is okay, so now what can I do? I don't have the power or influence or knowledge to go around telling people to change their habits and start being environmental friendly. I guess that's why I find him even more particularly admirable because he knows he has the potential power to influence people and it's up to him how he wants to do it and from what I see, he is doing it pretty right. 

But I think yea, I need to stop thinking about what I cannot do and start thinking about what I can actually do. I guess recently, with graduation coming soon, I've really been thinking about what I actually want to do once I graduate. How can I fully utilise this piece of paper that I have? And in the first place, do I actually need to utilise it? True, not utilising it means I kinda wasted 4 years and a lot of money to end up just throwing this degree away. But I guess, it's all not completely wasted? I'm very sure that I've learned a lot and gotten a lot of insights from my 4 years, stuffs that I really won't get if I didn't choose this path. So I'm still glad. Still no regrets whatsoever. 

Just that I guess what's really important right now is moving forward. So what's next? Say if I really want to do something and make a difference and change to this world, no matter how small it is, how am I going to do it? How am I going to achieve it? What should I do to reach this goal? I guess right now it should no longer be empty words and really doing something about it and work towards it. I have been disappointed with myself countless of times over the course of my 22 years and yes, 22 years isn't actually very long but I ought to stop feeling disappointed and start doing stuffs that I can actually be happy and proud of myself for. Like looking forward and moving forward. The past is what had already been so it's the future that really counts now. 

So yes, I guess I really need to find a day to properly just think and ask myself all the hard questions that I have been escaping since forever. What do I truly actually want to do in this life? What do I hope to achieve? I think for me, the most important question is how am I going to do it? Often, I know what I want, but it's always the execution that fails. I don't do it. I say and say and say, but I don't do it. 

So I think right now I really need very concrete and real plans moving forward. And I guess I really need to keep constantly reminding myself about this. Stop procrastinating. Stop thinking that I still have time. Start prioritising. And start thinking for yourself and what you want to do. I believe that we are all here in this life for a purpose. Be it big or small. There is something that we can all do. It's really just what can we do. How can we do. And the most important thing is to do it. All that talking really doesn't get you anywhere. 

But with that being said, I'm not saying that right now we must live everyday with a purpose and what not. Of course, still enjoy this life because we only have one and we should live it to the fullest. But I guess also living it in a way that makes the world a better place? Being a better person doesn't make you lame or strange or weird. Being kind and nice doesn't make you lose out. At the end of the day, I always believe that good guys come first. Or rather, you don't have to come first but you just feel better in general about everything when you do good. 

I guess, I really just hope that somehow all these things can get instilled in my brain that I don't need all these constant reminders to remind me of them. But I guess I'm still learning, still growing, still changing and I certainly hope that I will change to become a better and more independent person and really just stop being lazy and start doing things instead of just lip service. 

But okay, right now, let's focus on making my final year at SMU worthwhile and end it off well.