hello

It has been so long that I think I kind of forget that I have this as well hahaha

But I guess it's always nice to come back once in awhile and read back the thoughts that I used to have. And realise that to be honest, nothing much as changed, in both good and bad ways. I'll probably try to reflect proper about 2019 more. 

For now, it's a strong reminder to myself here that I am in control of my own life and my own story. Of course, God has His plans for me but definitely if you feel that there is something not right, please do something and stop being passive. You don't like people being passive but why are you being passive about your own life?

I think that's my main problem? I gotta start figuring myself out before I figure other people out. You can't fully know other people if you don't even know yourself and the things you want and the things you feel for. So yes Yi Fang, here is a reminder that it is okay to be in a slump, it is okay to feel like shit. But you should always remember that things will get better but you gotta get yourself out of it and do something about it as well. And it is also okay if you don't want to do something about it right now. I guess most importantly is to do things and feel things that you want to. Stop being so hard on yourself and feel that you need to do things and etc. 

I think I should a bit contradicting in the previous paragraph but I guess what I'm trying to say is just cut yourself some slack and learn to enjoy the simple things. Don't be so uptight and serious about everything and just let things be. Learn to let go and enjoy whatever you have. Life really really isn't that hard if you let yourself go once in awhile. You don't need to be in control of every thing. Learn to trust and have faith. 

insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking

[ Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love
Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?  

'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love (people on streets) dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure ]

Under Pressure - Queen, David Bowie

Honestly, 2019 so far hasn't been that bad. Just that I think 2018 have been a serious year of learning more about myself and people and what I actually want in life that I guess I haven't properly digest and reflect yet?

Sigh, procrastination is really my worst enemy. But I guess the most important reminder that I gotta tell myself is to really learn to freaking let go and not control so much. And always remember that it is really really okay not to know how things pan out and work out ultimately. That is the beauty of life, isn't it? When things that you least expected happen, it makes you really happy and excited. Or it can also make you feel sad and angry. But regardless, they are all emotions that we as humans need to feel. I think I need to stop being so fixated on the good things and let the bad things in as well. Embrace them as much as they aren't as fun to embrace because these bad moments are important to shape how you are and how you think as well.

And stop being such an emotional wreck. For the most part, I really thought I'm not an emotional wreck hahaha. But lately I realise I really do freaking hell feel way too much for my own sanity's sake. I guess learning to really dissociate yourself from some things and to not take everything to heart. People can say and think whatever they want, and you have no control over it. But it really doesn't matter what they say or think because you owe life and your actions only to yourself. As long as you are answerable to yourself, people can say all they want. But I mean of course, do always remember to take feedbacks and advice from people close as well because they know you well and they meant the best for you. So if they say that you are doing something wrong, please stop being so stubborn and learn to acknowledge them and work on becoming better.

I think really just gotta remember that you are really okay. No matter how hard you think life may be hitting you with, you really got this to most extend. You are alive and well. You have great supportive family and friends. Sure, there are days when it kinda sucks and everything seems bleak, but you really cannot have sunshine and rainbows every day because that's not how life works.

You really just needa learn to be stronger and let things go. Take a freaking chill pill because the thing about life is that it is so unpredictable that you really just gotta live each day good and well and just do your very best everyday. Make the most out of each day and when things fall apart, just pick things up and continue again. Learn from your mistakes and get better.

Honestly, I feel that there is a lot of things that I have to work on. But that in itself shouldn't give me stress and really just gotta remind myself to stop being so damn hard on myself. You don't always have to be a better person. You are only human after all so just please cut yourself some slack. If you really want to take care of others, you really gotta learn to take care of yourself properly first.

Here's to 2019; a year where you take your learnings into action and stop being lazy and procrastinating life. Start living this life properly with your eyes open.