Relieve

It finally ended. As finally ends today for me. HAHA! I'm really relieved. These 3 weeks had been tiring and draining. And I'm really glad that it's finally over.

Though I didn't felt as happy as I thought I would. It was different from 2 years back from Os ended. I remembered that when we were told to stop writing, a smile creeped up my face and stayed there all the way until we were released and thereafter, I was really happy and smiling. Lol!

Today I didn't felt that aft the paper ended. Partly because the paper kinda sucked so it's hard to feel that happy. But yes, I'm really relieved that it's over. Like finally. Aft two freaking years. It's funny how it really all boils down to the last day of As. How 2 years of Jc really boils down to A levels. Of course, along the way, there are nice things too. But yea, A levels really suck up a lot of your time and energy.

And I guess for Os, I knew that I put in my best and really give it my all for it. I know that for As, I really didn't put in as much as I should. I did study and all, slog my life for the past few months but I know that I could have done so much more. Looking back on the past 2 years, I realise I really was lazy and I really could have done way more and achieve better. I know that I didn't put in my all. Maybe that's why I'm not as happy as I thought I would be.

Of course, it's over and I know there is no point in dwelling on it. I'm not sure if I'll regret it next year when I get my results in march. But I know that as of now, I really just want to make the most out of my life.

Yes, there is really no point in dwelling about our results 'cause there is nothing we can do now but to pray that the Cambridge markers would be merciful and that bell curve would work in our favour. So really, why worry abt the results now when you have no control over it anymore?

So yes, I'm really going to live my life to the fullest. Lol! As in yea, I'll rather do something more worthwhile and value adding to my life than sitting there abt worry and regret all that. Precious precious time is wasted if we sit and dwell. Forward is what we have to look at. The past is impt in shaping us but it's not something we should always stay at. We can't change the past but we can change the future.

Life is more than that. Results doesn't determine us and what we are in the future. Yes, it may seem the most impt thing now but it really isn't. Of course, getting good results may help us find an easier path but who says that you can't have a future just because your results suck? Life is really more than that.

I'm really glad that my parents have my support in this. As in yea, they too believe that results isn't everything. I asked my mum before if I really didn't do well for As and stuffs. And she said it's really ok. And I know I can believe her words because it's her. I'm really thankful and lucky to have a mum who really doesn't except a lot from us. Like our happiness is what's important and not our future and stuffs. Her great faith and trust in us, I'm really thankful for. And my dad. Lol! He's funny lar. I think he secretly wants me to help him and be his secretary of some sort. Haha! I don't mind lar as of now. Lol! Since I don't really have anything to do.

Ok actually, I have. Lol! I'm going to rewrite my list of things to do aft As 'cause I need to add more stuffs. Lol! I'm quite sure I can't finish everything on the list given my laziness but yes I'll do my best in completing them. Yes, you only live once~ haha!

So yea, grades really isn't everything. Somehow we really just have to believe in that even though we live in the world where grades seem everything. I know that some parents believe that too and I guess it's hard since your parents are the one putting the pressure ok you shd stuffs. But I guess we have to believe that they will soon realise that not everyone is cut out for studies and that we can still have a future even if our results aren't great. I guess it really takes faith and trust to believe that.

Yes, this break, I'm going to make full use of it. And find myself back. I think part of me got drained out from this As. I lost sight of so many things so it's really time to find myself back. I have great confidence that I will find myself back. Haha! Yes, such faith. Lol! As really changed pple and I guess I won't regret taking this path instead of poly. I did thought abt it before and often I told myself not to 'cause I know I will regret. And I know yea, part of me of course still do but you know, life is unexpected and maybe I would have not liked poly at all. So yep, I won't regret on this JC path. It's heck of a tiring and madness almost everyday of these 2 years but I really gained a lot and learned a lot abt life and stuffs. Of course knowledge. HAHA! I'm sure some things that I learnt from my subjects are ingrained in me. Haha! That's what I choose to believe. =D

Anyway, this post may not be that nice 'cause I typed a nicer post before this but it just freaking disappeared. I was damn annoyed and sad but yes, no point lar. Lol! I have the thoughts there and stuffs so yep, it's similar but the other post really was nicer. =/ but yes, like my sister say, you still have a lot of time to retype~~~ Haha!

Gah I'm really glad that As is finally over. It's really time to start living again. And yes, I can't wait for my dear friends to end theirs too. Haha! And really just enjoying like mad. Ahahaha, I'm really happy. =D

And yes, my first accomplishment from ending As: sitting the GMAX extreme swing at Clark Quay. =D really felt so proud of us for sitting it. And it was damn good. Like really we let out everything aft the end of freaking A levels. I managed to scream. Haha! Yes quite surprised but oh my, I'm really damn proud of all of us. Haha!

And yes yes, I'll promise to post the 11 stuffs that I wanted to post on. HAHA! But ok lar. I may not 'cause it's better to really just live this life instead of sitting in front of the com. Heh. But ok lar, it's nice to read back what I write before too. =D

Ok!! 2nd accomplishment tmr~ heh.

life goes on

End of the first week of As. I'm feeling all sorts of weird. Maybe that's what happens when you are hungry and home alone.

As so far hasn't be great. Though I'm forcing myself to move on and don't think abt the past papers since it will just kill me and demoralize me since there are still 4 papers left. I really didn't know it will be so bad.

"Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard."

It's scary how I may be screwing up my life yet I'm not all that worried? I know As doesn't mean everything but what happens if it is really bad? Ahhh ok I should really just leave all these until after As.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling like that now. All the suppressed feeling. Hence, this is really a scary exam. You can feel sad but you really have to force yourself to move on. Because this is a few weeks long of exams. And you can't give up half way since you are at it. Yes, I'm lying to myself that everything will be alright in the end.

I guess, maybe it's not lying. Maybe I really have to trust and believe that everything will really be alright in the end. And give myself this strong push to finish the next 4 papers well and proud. Yes, I really want to feel good abt the paper aft it ends. So far, I only felt somewhat good aft math paper 1. Which may have been a false good feeling? Since it was because prelim math paper 1 was a killer and As was better than that. But that's a given.

All these negativity. Lol! I think it's cumulated. Maybe I should really just let it out before it kills me.

Yes, I have to come back strong. This isn't over. I still have 2 more subjects and I have to keep the faith and push forward. And at least know that you did your best and not leave any room for regrets. And come what may, whatever happens next year on results day, just remember that life still goes on.

Life is much more than just exams, grades, results and stuffs. Yes, it may seem the way now but remember that it really isn't. But yes, we really just have to finish this race. It's tiring but hang in there for just these few weeks.

When you feel tired, borrow strength from your family and your friends. They are there to support you and to cheer you on. I'm really thankful for my family and friends. My mum and my dad. Seriously, I'm really lucky to have them. Because they really have faith in me when I don't. And they really don't put pressure on me and know that results aren't everything. They are really the best. And my friends. How they have faith in me too when I don't. For believing that I can do it even when I don't. I'm really grateful to God for blessing me with them. To know that yea, I have people who believe and have faith in me. And I'm thankful to have God too. For giving me strength each day to carry on. For being by my side during exams. For keeping me calm and holding me strong. For never giving up on me. Thank you God. You are really the greatest.

"When you've only got a hundred years to live."

100 years. I'm only at my 18th year. There are many more years to go, many more trials to be faced, many more problems, many more setbacks. Yet there are also many more happiness, many more laughter, many more good memories, many more smile, many more successes, many more achievements. Yes, life may seem pretty bleak now, but there are still so many years to go. We are young. With a huge future in front of us. Each of us has a different future. It may seem a blur now, but since when was the future ever clear?

Faith and hope. Believing. Keep the faith, it will really bring us through this. And it's not just A levels, but life in general. Whatever setbacks we faced, keep the faith. Because drowning in your sorrows really won't get you anywhere.

Hang in there everyone!!! We will get through all the tough times in ourselves. We have each other and yes, life goes on and there are so many more things to worth looking forward to, so many more things to be happy about than being sad about the same thing over again.

We have the ability to control how we want to feel. Happy or sad, you are the one to decide.

beginning with the end in mind

I really wanted to do a proper nice post yesterday night but I was super tired after uploading and tagging the photos. And I know that I have way too many things I want to post about so I think I'll leave it til after As. Lol! As in really. So many things but so little time. It's 16days left now. How scary time passes.

But ok I shall list down things I want to post abt. Heh.
1) 12 years of formal schooling
2) AC Spirit
3) 2AA3
4) Teachers
5) Photos from Honours Night and Baccalaureate Service
6) Last day of lessons
7) Valedictorian's Speech
8) Mrs Chan's Speech
9) Ms Annie Yong's Speech
10) Mr Teo Boon Leong's Speech

Gahh too many things. Lol! I think yells I'll just post aft As. It won't be the same but it's still something. Yes!! Time to mug all the way from now on. All the way!!!!

ignite your bones

THIS is what a music concert is like. Feeling the goosebumps and all. Where everyone sings along with the band. I really must go at least once. Coldplay is really solid. Must really go to their live concert at least once in your lifetime.

Heart coma

Is it possible? To not feel anything at all. The adrenaline, the rush of blood to the head, heart beating faster. Heart coma. Is it possible when you just stop feeling for anything much? Maybe. But actually, you will always be feeling. As long as you are human, you will always be feeling. So it's quite stupid to claim that your heart is in a coma. As much as you not want to feel anything, you sure hell are and you sure hell will feel something. It's only human like that.

Random thoughts all over. Haha! And I wanted to post abt Honours Night on Friday. But I was really tired so I slept while typing. HAHA! I shall just wait until grad day to properly conclude these 2 years of JC life.

Someday, somehow, somewhere, someone. Yep. I will feel again. When it all comes crashing back, like a tsunami. It may really just crash. But yes, I have to brace myself for it. And push myself to the limits, whatever limits represent.

Alright! I'm feeling tired now. My eyes are getting tired. I need to do a lot more intense mugging later! I shall aim to wake up early!

You are the way.

This cold Saturday night. I feel so much to my grandparents suddenly as I was walking home from my grandma's hse. They are really the support to my life. A table has 4 supports and they are the 4 supports. Even though one is gone now, I wobbled but the other 3 are still keeping me strong and going. I really want to do something really great for them. They are really the people who love me for me. This strong love.

I just had dinner at my grandma's house and her cooking is really daebak. Cannot best one man. Haha! But what makes me really sad is how she really is becoming older. Yes, she's still quite active than most pple her age but she isn't as much as she was before. She gets tired more easily and it just kinda sucks to see her like that. It's like signs of aging. I know she will be with me for a long time to come. It's just sad to see that she's really growing older.

I know I'm already quite lucky to have 3 grandparents still around. So yes, I'll really treasure them so much. Ah. They are really important pple in my life. Yes, I know that they will live to a ripe old age and they will be there when I get married and when I have a child. Yes, all 3 of them will be there to see their great grand-child. I really need them to be there.

And my grandma was asking me if I want to go Taiwan with them next year. So I happily told her of course since I have a long break aft As. And she was quite happy. Heh. I feel quite happy that I can travel with her too. Sigh. I want to bring them to Yunnan but they went before already. Haha! Nevermind! I shall bring my parents there~ they really need to go. HAHA!

And ya!! These two parents of mine. Haha! I'm really lucky I think. They are really understanding like mad and won't put any pressure on both me and my sister. I think my mum especially. She'll really let us choose how we want to do things and what we shd do and really just support whatever decisions we make. Their trust in us, is really deep. They know that we will make the right decision and choice. And give us their full support.

Yes, I am going to do well for As to make them proud. And ah, they are just so incredible and awesome and cute. Haha! They really made sure that at least one of them would in Singapore all the way until I end my As aft that horrible prelim time when both of them went overseas. I think I'm actually quite pampered. Haha! But yes, I think they are really the ones who shape me so much. All the vales and stuffs. I really won't be who I am today if not for them. Their impact on my life is really the highest.

I realise yea, God is really good to me. Thankyou God for this incredible family. My parents, my grandparents, my sister, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins. They are all really pretty awesome. And thankyou God for blessing me with really awesome friends who are really supports me in my life and who really just understand me and be there for me. The people who are not related to you by blood but you know that without them, your live will be so much more different. They really shape who I have become now. And teachers. Those who really inspire and encourage me thorough out these 12 years of formal schooling. Teachers are really dedicated. Ok not all but some of those who had taught me and made an impact in my life. Who shaped and mould me to become who I am today. Yes. Thankyou God. For all these incredible and amazing people in my life. And Thankyou for giving me this life to live and to enjoy. Thankyou for always being here with me.

[ YOU ARE THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE. WE LIVE BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT FOR YOU. WE'RE LIVIN ALL FOR YOU. ]

Thankyou God. I know that I will get through this A levels knowing that you will always be beside me and listen to me always, never failing.

what people are capable of

"There is no limit to childishness, if a person starts attacking the other one, they just strike back. Your weak point? Secret? They won’t avoid it, and instead try to hurt you with it. So the reason why you’re fighting is totally lost. They’ll just start thinking about how to hurt the other person most, so much that they’ll cry out in pain.”
- The King 2 Hearts

Things you learn from watching shows. HAHA! But yes, that quote really true. It applies to anyone who is close to you. Your family, your friends. People who are close to you and know you well. When we want to hurt people, anything can come out from our mouth. It's really scary how our mouth can be so mean sometimes. So be careful of yourself when you are angry. You may end up saying things that you will come to regret.

Ahhh I have so many things I want to say but I'm at a loss of what to begin. Lol! This weekend has been good and bad. I think I did quite a lot of work but I know that it's really not enough. I really have to work a lot a lot more harder. And there's a lot of thinking these 2 days. Lol! Not exactly for me but for people around me. I really hope that they will be able to grow and become stronger and more understanding and just yea, Life. LOL! We live in a complicated world but things can be made simple if you want it to. You just have to learn how to make life easier?

I really miss the good times. Lol. Ahh ok, I know I'll have my good times again in a few more weeks. YES!!! Few more weeks! I'm looking forward to the end of it but not to it. But yes, I'll give it my very best shot. 

Alright, I shall stop here. As predicted, I was supposed to use com for only awhile but I ended up using for an hour. =\ Ok at least I completed stuffs. Lol! As childish as it may sounds, I don't want to go school tmr. =(

OHYA! I will post about Eunice's birthday soon. Heh. Actually, there's a lot of stuffs to post abt but I'll wait until after As to update my boring life during this period of time. 

Sleeping

I realise how sleep is annoying. It's damn important for you to recharge so that you can do work more efficiently. Yet, you waste time sleeping. =/ ok not say waste time but time is lost when you sleep. But you cannot do without sleep. Lol! Ok evidently, I need sleep now since I'm actually talking about sleep. But gah, it's damn annoying. Like really. I really wish that somehow I am able to hold through without much sleep. =/ yes, times like these, I really wish that I was a robot that doesn't need to recharge frequently. Like Ironman sort of thing. Lol. Ok I'm tired given that I'm actually saying that I wish I was a robot. Ok good night! Just a random thought after this long tiring week.

One thing I realise that is freaking scary is that each day pass by slowly but each week pass by quickly. 4 more weeks, 30 days. Let's do this.