start soon

Wouldn't it be truly great if I can wake up to such views everyday? Waking up to see mountains and amazing sceneries. This isn't much of a view but this entire town in Austria was really one of my all time favourite place in Europe. Granted, I have too many favourite places in Europe but Austria is really one of my top 3 beautiful countries in Europe. And the standard of living is way more manageable as compared to Switzerland so that's a great alternative HAHA

Anyway, this photo is also a very good reminder to start sorting out my exchange photos again LOL really keep procrastinating and it's gonna be almost a year since I left Europe. But I'm so very sure I left part of my heart there. =\

Lately I really feel that there is something missing in my life. But I really can't pinpoint to what it is. But honestly, there are many things missing in my life right now. Like a job, a boyfriend, and many more actually. LOL but idk, I guess ever since exams ended, I feel very empty. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying this post exams freedom, and being able to sit around and do nothing and talk for hours without feeling guilty. But I guess I really need to start moving and doing something because it is really not me to just sit around forever. Even helping out with chores at home makes me feel more alive than sitting in front of the TV or laptop rotting. Okay lar, not rotting but like watching shows again and again. I'm enjoying the shows but I also still need to do something LOL I guess I hate it most when I just sit on my sofa and use my phone for damn long. Like hello? What is on your phone that can actually keep you looking at it for so long?

But okay, I guess really enough of all these frustrations that I complain about ever so often. But okay ah, I am only human and if I don't complain or let it out, I will just have everything suppressed in my head and it'll definitely explode someday and everything will be worse. Right now, I just have to set some short term goals for myself and slowly work towards them. I think I really need to start organising my life and everything 'cause as much as spontaneous and easy going as I can be, for my own life I really need some kind of organisation. But okay ah, organisation is always good to keep things in perspective. But I think also to really find out what exactly you wanna do. I have at least 50 good years ahead of me and it's really up to the current me to make the most out of everything. Like what Coldplay said, "but if you never try, you'll never know just what you're worth". HAHA sorry, that was really cheap shot.

Okayy time to find some life back into myself HAHA just needa reorientate myself and readjust to this post uni life and start working hard for the future. Let's goooo 

wait for it

[ Today more than yesterday, Tomorrow more than today
eojeboda oneul oneulboda naeil  

If I only have you, I will brightly smile
neoman issdamyeon hwaljjak useul geoya  

I’ll pick you up, wherever you are
derireo galge neol eodie issdeunji  

Is it too late? I’ll run to you
neujeun geon anin geolkka dallyeogalge  

I’ll pick you up, so you won’t regret
derireo galge neol huhoehaji  

I’ll wait for you
anhdorok gidarillae  

I’ll pick you up right now
jigeum neol derireo galge ]

I'll Pick You Up (데리러 갈게) - Standing Egg

Sigh, this song really gets to me idk why. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo is greattt. Actually, the Kdramas lately has been quite nice. Ever since I came back from exchange. And yes, I find myself watching them regularly for my final year at SMU HAHA but in all honestly, they are really pretty feel good dramas or dramas with interesting storylines. And the drama OSTs is DAEBAK really. Their songs are really good. Or rather, you just feel a lot after listening to them. Maybe it's just me ah LOL

Anyway, yea the past week had been quite nice of doing nothing HAHA okay, I did quite a lot of stuffs actually. Just that yea, still haven't properly sit down and reflect and all. Or rather just consolidate my thoughts properly. Because okay, I was watching a drama HAHA so like that took up some time heh.

But yea, I really slightly blame being too free to get me thinking about many things. I mean, thinking is good, but it's not that great when it heads in a certain direction that doesn't make you feel good. So I guess I really need to stop lazing around and get my head back in the game. I think what I really need is to have something to work on and really just focus on it. When I have a clear direction, I'll stop all these thoughts from growing in my head and just yea, Idk, make me feel more in control of my life?

Sigh, I guess it's okay to feel things sometimes. Just that, sometimes these feelings really suck. Or rather, it's confusing to me and part of me want to figure it out but the other part doesn't want to also. So like, Idk what exactly do I want. I guess, even though I'm already 23, I still feel that I'm less than 20. How is it that I'm 23? But okay, to some extend, I feel that my outlook on life is really kinda different from when I was 19, fresh out of college. 4 years of university did change me, in a good way I think. And wah, when I look back at all the old photos, I really cringe. Though, those times were really great and fun. And somehow when you look back at all these photographs, a part of you really wants to go back to those times and relive them. But I know that they are really in the past. So, you really just have to deal with it. And look forward. The thing about the past (which I have been saying forever and ever) is that you cannot go back. So really, look forward k YF. Just try. And know that yea, everything will really fall into place somehow somewhere. But of course, it won't fall into place if you are just going to sit in front of your laptop and watch your kdramas and live in your self delusional state and hoping for things to just work automatically. You still need to work hard for them. So yea, slowly but surely find your way again k.

I really blame watching dramas sometimes for having all these thoughts. But I still can't help watching them oh welllll 

THAT'S CHRIS MARTIN FROM COLDPLAY

I'm posting at this weird timing now 'cause I suddenly remember how I haven't posted for April LOL but in any case, GUESS WHO JUST GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY?!??!

Honestly, I have a lot of thoughts to say about that. I mean, it is after all the end of another 4 years of education, and this is probably gonna be my final education journey unless I decided to take masters, which is pretty unlikely judging from how I realise I'm so very done with this studying thing. But in any case, yea, there's really a lot to reflect about and I think I really have to make it a point to properly reflect no matter how busy life can get. Just watch lesser shows and reflect instead k YF 

So far, I'm really just enjoying my post finals with all the shows and sleeping and really just lazing around. Which is good and bad? Time is passing very quickly though. Cause like it's gonna be one week since finals ended and I still feel like I haven't rest to enough. Or rather, I still got a lot of things I wanna do. Which actually I still really do have time over the next few weeks before flying to Vietnam. So I shouldn't worry too much lar ah 

Just that yea, time to reflect properly and I won't do it now 'cause my eyes are slowly closing in. But just in general, I still can't really believe that it's truly over? It's a very surreal feeling. But like I don't really know how to say also. Unemployment so far doesn't feel that scary HAHAHA but okay, I guess it's really because I'm enjoying my time and this final sem in school wasn't exactly the best and resting is important LOL oh wellll okay time to sleep and I'll continue this another day

routine

Was watching the Chinese movie "Suddenly Seventeen" yesterday and I guess it came as a timely reminder to not get caught up with life and forget about the things that actually matter. I think the scary thing about doing routine things is that you lose yourself in them sometimes and it may be very hard to find the other part of yourself back again. 

With graduation coming real soon, I think the question of "What happens now?" is actually more important. But I guess, it's also equally important to remember that there is really a lot of things in life that is worth chasing for, worth fighting for. And it's really very important to remind yourself not to get to caught up in the paper chase. That there are so many things in life that matters.

I think the one thing about routine is that it's easy, it's comfortable and you are good at it. But that doesn't mean that your life is just stuck at that routine. I believe that we are really part of this world for something great, something more than just the usual. And we really just have to figure at where our talents lie in and how we can actually make a difference. In small ways or big.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you feel indignant about settling with what's comfortable, do something to change it. Don't just settle because it's easy 'cause you won't truly find happiness in whatever you are doing if you just settle. But if you are okay with settling and know that you can grow to love this, then it's okay. I guess, there is really a lot of different perspectives when you think about something. But choosing which perspective that you want to subscribe to, that you really all up to your own choice.

Okay, thoughts are pretty much all over the place but I guess I really need to find that something to be passionate about again. The zest of life HAHA but yea ah, to me, I think I'm really a person who needs to do something that I truly believe in. If not it's very difficult for me to give my 100%. So yeaaa I guess I hope that somehow I will really be able to find that.

nostalgia

Shouldn't be doing this now since I need to wake up at 6 to fetch father to the airport and have a 25% quiz later also. But late night feels calls for a bit of nostalgia as I was strolling through my Instagram on the laptop and reading all the captions and what not.

And wah, the nostalgia game is very very strong. I have always been a person who feels extremely nostalgic easily but I thought I was better lately HAHA but I guess it's very normal to feel nostalgic ah. And I guess because there are many changes going on in life now and it's hard not to hold on to the wonderful and great memories of the past. And hope that it's still manifesting in the present. =\ That's always the hardest I guess.

But I think one thing that I am always reminding myself of is that at least you had that great memories to look back on and smile. True, it's a bittersweet feeling in that things are no longer the same as it used to be. But those times existed and were very real. So I think that's what that really matters. A friend also told me recently how despite everything has changed and things are no longer the same as it was, the memories we had together doing stupid stuffs will always be there. You can't change or alter what has already happened. So I guess that's something to be thankful for.

So yea, life changes, people change, but that doesn't mean that the past was not real. And I guess this is a reminder to yourself to appreciate what you have presently and appreciate those who are still very much a part of your life. Because yea, sometimes life really sucks and things change without you knowing and wanting it to. But you really just have to deal with it and move on and remember that you still have a present and a future where you really still have the choice to decide how you want to make it.

I want something just like this

[ I've been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman's control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don't see myself upon that list ]  

Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay

Lately the new music has been great. With Ed Sheeran's new album and this amazing collaboration between Coldplay and The Chainsmokers. Coldplay ah mainly. Seriously seriously can't wait for their concert on 31st March =D

Anyway, this month is gonna be crazy and I haven't actually started it but I can already feel it. And it's not really a nice feeling because as you can see, I'm very restless now and somehow don't really wanna start the work that I need to do and am here posting. But okay, I guess I really just needed an outlet to just speak my mind HAHA

I realise that in this world, life really goes on without caring if you are following along with it. And it's pretty scary at times. So many things just change in an instant and it's really hard to keep up sometimes but you just have to. And the hardest part is to not let these changes get to you, which to me, it's really damn freaking hard. To someone who feels a lot, it's really hard to dissociate myself from certain things. But I guess sometimes you just have to. And really just don't worry too much and just be there for people as you are.

I guess the best thing is really just bury yourself with work and what's important and all that. Though the discipline to not get distracted by multiple things is really one of the hardest to do. But you know what, you really just have to do it. It's not a choice. Life doesn't give you a break sometimes so you just have to try your best to catch up to it.

But generally, all is good HAHA as in yeaaa I guess the main thing that is at the back of my head and something that I'm trying to run away from is what happens next once I graduate from SMU. What happens after 21st April. I know I have 2 grad trips plans so there are stuffs to be looking forward to. Then there's graduation in July. Then what? What do I do next? What should I do next? What do I want to do next?

I think these are the questions I really need to find a day to just properly think through it. Probably after April though. I know I shouldn't be waiting so long but I feel that things like these, I shouldn't rush it. True, it's really stupid to just take your time while all the good/better jobs are being taken up by others. But hmm, I guess I don't know. I may regret not doing all these planning and applying shit now, but I guess it's a consequence that I have to take since I made this decision to keep it on hold first. But of course, I guess I really need to force myself to squeeze out sometime to really just do it and stop procrastinating.

So okay, right now, time to get back to the things at hand and really just focus and complete them and really end this final sem on a good note. Don't end it half heartedly. 

see the line where the sky meets the sea

[ See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know
What's beyond that line, will I cross that line? ] 

How Far I'll Go - Auli'i Cravalho (Moana OST)

This song has been stuck in my head recently even though the movie was last year LOL yes, I only properly listen to this song recently and remember how good a song it is.

So actually, I'm posting 'cause I'm scared that I won't have time the next few days and I'll miss my at least one post a month thing HAHA but in any case, I do have stuffs that I wanna post about too. I guess with graduation coming and the many conversations about the future with many different people, a lot of different thoughts are going in my head as well. And many other miscellaneous random nonsense that haunts my brain. Okay, haunt is a strong word. Just random stuffs that make me over think things and make me all negative for no reasons. I swear it's really tiring to be in my own thoughts sometimes. Or rather, I'm tired of them.

But okay, I guess February really was a lot better than Jan HAHA Like I'm more certain of what I want and have a better idea. Right now it's really the process of actually doing it. And properly planning and thinking and following through with it. And I think the part of taking risks and what not. How far I'll go. Not being all cliche and all but really, I think the most important step is really to be brave and step out of the comfort zone. Deviant from the norm. Don't restrict yourself from what you want to do or can do.

I think being risk averse is something that's holding me back from many things but being risk averse isn't completely a bad thing. It's just that I think right now, I really must be more daring and brave in going for the things that I truly want.

But in any case, a serious reminder to myself: stop worrying so much about the future that hasn't happen yet, stop trying to satisfy the world because you really don't owe the world anything and it is really not your responsibility to make everyone happy. And also, I think sometimes it's really unfair to yourself and to others when you overthink things yourself without letting other people know also. It's just stupid lar ah YF so just stop worrying so much and focus on other more important things and you know very well that most of the times (or rather all the time), your worries are needless and everything always works out well. So stop worrying so much and just learn to trust yourself and others. 

23

Twenty three is somehow my favourite number so I'm really hoping that this year will truly bring me good luck and be a great year. I saw this on FB today:

So before it turns to February, I'm just gonna doing a post to sum up my first one month of "trial". Somehow, 2017 didn't exactly start out great. I mean yea, I spent it with people I love so that was great. Like first time we actually countdown together HAHA So yea, that was nice. But somehow after that, school started and I got lost in just idk everything? I don't think I'm not used to school or what not. But I felt myself to be just floating around with no aim and purpose and it's pretty scary 'cause I'm a person who needs to have some motivation and aim in order to excel. When I float, I really float and my work sucks. And that's always when I will start to regret 'cause I know my potential is not there. I didn't do the best that I can.

Then turning 23. Honestly, I didn't feel much. As in prior to turning 23. Like everyone was saying it's damn old but to me, I really just felt like it was just one year older, that's all. Maybe it's because I spent my birthday alone last year and didn't feel anything strange. Maybe I got used to being alone during my time in exchange. I don't really know. But I guess for the past few months, or maybe every since I came back from exchange, I felt that my life was flat. Or rather, my character and personality or what not. I was very very lifeless and aimless and truly just floating around. And I guess it's really something that I still don't really like about myself? I prefer the YF who is driven and determined to do stuffs and really get shit done. I mean, yea, last sem I did get shit done and all but I guess December holiday killed it a bit and then January came and I felt lost. And January is always my favourite month but not this year which is really very sad.

But anyhow, so yes, birthday. It's really when you realise how freaking lucky you are to have friends who truly give a shit about you? I think sometimes I really doubt myself as a friend HAHA shit sounds really sad but yea, I guess sometimes you really forget that while others are great friends to you, you are to them also. I hope I'm not the only one who feels that. So yea, sometimes you really just forget that you actually mattered to others. That if you aren't around, it would be weird. Thank you guys for really making me feel loved. It may sound damn drama but yea, sometimes you really just forget the value of yourself. Which yes, it's very stupid of me ah.

I think that's the thing about me. I tend to forget the experiences I had or rather don't value them as much as I should have. I downplay my own strengths when in fact I should be showing them and say that hey, I'm actually capable of stuffs. Self doubt I guess. And thinking that my experiences don't matter. I guess even if it doesn't really matter, you need to first believe that they actually do so that you can "sell" yourself better. I think that's one thing that I lack. Selling myself. Actually, I don't know. I think I know how to. I'm just not doing it. LAZY. So yes YF please change this lazy habit of yours. Stop giving excuses and stop sleeping so much. Wake up. Read more. Do more.

You say 23 is your favourite number right? Please make this number proud. And that when you look back in your life, you will think that "Wow, 23 years old was a good year. 2017 was a good year." I think in life, we can never be short of more good years in our lives. The more the better so really, make every year count, every month count, every day count.

It's really okay to get lost once in a while but always remember to not resign to the lost and just continue on aimless. Fight back and come back stronger with a better version of yourself.