that first time

[ Just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby ]

For The First Time - The Script

My favourite part of the song. And my favourite song from them. Okay actually, I really like a lot of songs from them. They are really good omg. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THEIR CONCERT. And especially so because the day before their concert is my last paper for finals. So it's like double celebration. Seriously can't wait. 

And somehow this part of the song always gives me the feels.

And that feeling when you meet someone for the first time. Ok lar, honestly, I don't remember a lot of my first meeting with my friends. HAHA! As in nothing very very special. But I guess what really matters more is after that first meeting. And how they became very important people in my life afterwards. 

But yes, I really hate how life sometimes just doesn't work out the way you hope to. And how I don't know, the heart is a complicated thing. The mind is also another complicated thing. Everything. Is just really complicated and strange. And I don't know. I am really frustrated. At how things work and don't work. How at times I really feel like being all gutsy and say the things I want to say and do the things I want to do. The times when I'm just like you know what heck it, how long do I have to wait. But then I will stop and think. And that fear of rejection. And then the realisation of how important it is for me not to do rash stuffs like these. How the rational me comes in to play.

It sucks sometimes though. Like at times I really hope that somehow I can be more decisive and determined and straightforward and I don't know. Be braver. Be more daring. But nope. I'm not that. And I can't. When you think about what you may end up forsaking, you get scared. But honestly, sometimes you really wonder what exactly is there to lose? A lot of things actually. But are these things really important? Yes they are. But, freak why are you making yourself feel all confused? 

Too long. Too damn freaking long. I always thought I was cool with it already but somehow it keeps crawling back. This fate. I really thought it ended. I think it really did actually. But somehow, it always still found its way into my brain. Like I don't have enough things to think about.

I need something to jolt me back to my senses. Something to just stop me. I don't know. Ok maybe I really just don't know what exactly do I truly want. I think that's the problem. I don't really know what I want. I'll usually let things go naturally. But I'm tired of it too. Ok I don't know. Maybe it's a 21 year old thing. Something you will somehow think about after turning 21. When you realise how far you have come in life. And the things you have not done. Pretty scary.

21. OK, I shouldn't let age determine anything. Shouldn't let numbers affect me. 21 is just a number. Don't think of all the things you haven't complete yet. Remember the things that you have done. The memories that you have made. 

"What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived."

I really like this part of the quote. I think this was from quote shared by Mr Phang. Every time when I read this part of the quote, somehow it gives me this strange feeling. Because it's really true I guess. How we have lived is truly more important and yea, just need to stop thinking so much and just see how it all goes. I mean yea, we have control over our lives but some stuffs are still beyond our control and I guess that's what makes life more exciting and worth looking forward to.