This was something that I typed out some day last year in order to find some inner peace. It's actually kind of an enlightenment about the whole death issue. Something that I kept wondering about last year.
And yea, I'm posting this now because I guess I just want to be reminded of it through my blog. And share with whoever that may be dealing with similar situations and hopefully, this can help to give some enlightenment to, as it did for me. Closure, not so much because the thing about death is though it is the closure of that person's life, for the living, it will always hurt when you think about it.
What you are currently feeling is probably incomparable. But I believe that he is in a much better place. And I do hope you will be able to grieve properly and yes, we are always here for you no matter what. You don't have to worry about making us feel uncomfortable. Something that I know you already know.
It may not be the entirely same situation, but I hope that this helps. And that ultimately, you will remember his healthy and happy times, that your memories of him will be the ones that you will be able to smile happily to. Because when someone passed on due to an illness, you tend to remember his last few moments of pain instead of when the person was healthier and happier. But you will remember the good eventually. And you will smile when you remember them.
14/10/2014 1:39AM
When I was younger, and had not experience losing someone very dear to me, I always wondered how did those people who lost someone dear to them appear as though it didn't happened. And went on with life as per normal. At that time, I thought that maybe they didn't care enough about that person as much. Hence, the pain of losing them isn't as great as it would be. It's a very childish thought actually. But I guess when I was young, I didn't know any better.
Because when you lose someone dear to you, it doesn't mean that you didn't care enough about the person when you go on with life as usual. It's because you care so much that somehow you don't want to admit that the person is truly gone. That some part of you wish that when you wake up the next day, you can still see the person. You can still talk to them, laugh with them.
And also, you don't want to feel sad because you know that the person is in a much happier place now. And we should be happy for them instead of being sad. And you know that while they were alive, they had lived a good life. One that people will remember. That when you think about the person, you will remember the good. What he had done when he was still alive. How many people's lives he had impact. And that's all that really matters.
And you go on life as usual, knowing that that person who passed on had played a huge role in your life. And he has a strong influence in how your life is now, even though he may not be physically around anymore. And that he is actually still very much around. He is looking over you in Heaven, making sure that things go on smoothly for you. Making sure that everything will be alright. Your guardian angel.
I have 2 guardian angels now. Looking over me and making sure that life won't go too bad for me. They will make sure that at the end of everything, I will be able to figure things out. Slowly but surely. I know that they will always have my back. Ever since I was born actually. Just that, right now, they can't be here for me physically. But I know that they are here in my heart and that they are here with me spiritually. That they will always take care of me no matter where they are. And yes, they are indeed in a much happier place now so we should be happy for them.
Going on with life as usual doesn't mean we forget about them. I guess some part of me used to think that going on with life as usual means we have forgotten about them. But I realise it's not. It's completely not. We go on life as usual because that's the right thing to do. You can't bring back those who have already passed on. But you still have a life to live. And you should live it to the fullest in memory of them. Because they want you to continue living your life well. They still want the best for you. So you don't stop living just because they aren't. You should live even better. For them.
It may seem hard to go on because yes, death is never easy to deal with. But no, you don't hide in a corner and cry because that isn't what your loved one who passed on want you to do. He wants you to continue living this life well. To have no regrets and live a good fulfilling life.
So yes, I guess I know all these. I just needed to type it out properly to have a better peace in my mind and my heart. My heart feels like it's numbing all of these. And my mind actually. I don't really know. It just felt like there were really a lot of things to deal with for the past few weeks and it hasn't been easy at all.
But I guess one step at a time and I'll get through this. Handling one matter and start ticking stuffs off my many lists of things to do that are all over the place. I need to get my life in check. For my grandfathers, for my family and for myself most important. With God's help. I need to find that too. This faith. Yep, there is really a lot of things to do and to figure out. But stop the complaining and start the doing. Something that I know I have been saying 'til the end of time. But you know, it's not easy to just start doing. The starting part is the hardest. But yes, you just really have to keep reminding yourself that it will all be damn freaking worth it. That at the end of the day, it will all make sense and be so damn worth it.
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