Firstly, I think it's time for me to do something crazy. Something different and isn't safe. It may sound stupid but I feel that for the past 21 years (going 22), I have been living a very safe and assured life. Not that I'm complaining. I'm truly happy with my life now and how everything turned out in my life. I have not much regrets but it's just that I realize I usually almost always take the safe options. Those that I know if I take this route, if I make this decision, I will be okay. I won't get hurt. I guess this fear of getting is always what makes me wanna take the safer option. Risk averse. But to be honest, I don't think I'm entirely risk-averse. I guess I just feel that I should take more risks. Be more open to life. And I don't know. Take some leap of faith. And don't worry so much sometimes. So I guess this exchange is truly a good time for me to just do stuffs that I won't usually do. Time to take some risks and first experiences. Of course, don't worry I won't do completely crazy stuff 'cause I'm still me ah. LOL so yes, I guess it's really just opening up more and yea, learn to be more independent. I realize I tend to rely on people quite a lot without me knowing. Like subconsciously. I really am a person who needs people. Okay, I still think I'm generally independent. But lately there is this part of me that really wants to have someone to depend on. So this exchange is truly a good time for me to just learn to be independent and enjoy my own company. All the solo trips I'm actually kinda excited for them but also kinda scary. This will be when I do something different from usual. Hopefully. Need to be brave enough.
Secondly, sincerity. Lately, I've been saying stuffs about being true and all. 'Cause yea, you can tell a person's sincerity from the way they speak and their actions. You can feel it with your heart whether a person is being sincere. And I think that's why I've been feeling quite strange lately because I come to realize how there are some people in my life who I wish for them to be sincere. But they actually aren't completely sincere. So it's like the mind wants them to be sincere but the heart tells you that they are not. Hence there is this conflict and hence you feel a bit strange. It's kinda sad. But I guess it's cool too 'cause at least you know who really matters? Like you won't blindly listen to your mind but you'll listen to your heart too. And so I guess really just rmb those who are truly sincere and hold them close. Know that yes, these are really the people who don't take you for granted and won't make use of you. People who are sincere.
Thirdly, this point actually doesn't really matter a lot but I guess yea, results can be disappointing. They often are disappointing but after getting sad about it, you really just have to accept it and move forward and hope it gets better. But it's truly disappointing though. When you know you didn't do the best that you can. But yea, I guess there really are other ways to brand and promote yourself instead of through grades and everything. Your life shouldn't be about getting good grades and all. And yea, I choose to believe that people care more about your soft skills instead of grades. With that being said, I need to really work on my soft skills too. Like be more vocal and outspoken and active. I think I'm really improving. Like I can see myself becoming more active instead of passive. And I guess that's one of the great things about SMU. They really force you to be more active and take more initiative in stuffs. So yes, hopefully all these will make up for the not so good grades.
Ah well. At the end of the day, I'm glad to be alive and blessed with a wonderful family and also friends whom I can lean on always.
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