I come to realise that bumming around is really not for me. LOL as in okay, not that I don't enjoy bumming around, it's just weird. And I really feel like I'm wasting a lot of time just sitting there and using my phone. I swear phone is like the worst distraction. You can really just sit there and use your phone for an hour and realise you didn't gain anything from it. Or sleeping. 12 hours of sleep a day is way too much. Though okay, I admit it does feel kinda nice to really just chill and relax for awhile after spending 6 months not exactly properly resting.
But I think it's really time for me to start getting a move on and do something? I think all these free time in my hands makes me think way too much. And question way too many things. Thinking is good. But I think overthinking is very bad and I think for the past few weeks ever since I was back, I have been overthinking quite a bit. Okay fine, I am only back for 2 weeks but yea. Somehow, a lot of things seem to be happening for the past two weeks and I don't know, it's just a lot to take for someone who was gone for 25 weeks. It's like I'm suddenly spammed with all these stuffs. And meeting different people every day. Not that I'm complaining, it's just like wow okay, this is real, I'm really back to Singapore, back to this lifestyle of meeting different people everyday.
I guess it's just kinda exhausting sometimes? To be around different people everyday. Though yes, I love all these people I meet. But it's a bit overwhelming when I spend most of the days by myself when I was in Groningen. And travelling doesn't count 'cause I travel with different people and you are seeing stuffs and doing stuffs when you are travelling and it's exciting. So I guess suddenly being back to the familiarity but with different people just feels very like woah. Yes, the familiarity is good and nice but I guess I'm not yet used to this lifestyle. And to be honest, I think some parts of me got very comfortable with being by myself that I forgot what's it like to be around people. It's a very strange feeling I swear. It's like I feel very out of place though I know that I'm very much there and these people here do acknowledge my presence and care about me and stuffs. Just strange I guess?
But yes, part of me know that I am also thinking too much because yes, I am more free so the mind just wanders. Which is very bad because sometimes I can feel myself not being present in the moment. Like my mind is wandering off somewhere. And I think that they can feel it too but it's like I don't know how to get myself grounded again. But I guess I will slowly find my way around this after a few more weeks. Just give me time and I will be fine.
Or rather, get me moving and stop bumming around and not doing anything. I think I really work way better when I'm given a lot of things to do at once. It makes me feel more fulfilled with life and know that you made the most of your day and not waste the day lying around and using your phone. Even tidying up photos is good. It's actually something I really need to do before school starts. Omg, two more weeks and I'm freaking not ready.
Though I said I'm ready to start school, I also forgot a lot about how school works here in SMU until I suddenly remembered how it is going to be like that day and I'm like nope, I'm not excited about it anymore. But okay, I guess I'm excited to really do stuffs. Which also just means I just really need to start sorting out my life and stop wasting time away doing nothing. I had already done nothing for the past 2 weeks so I guess it's high time I start doing stuffs. Also, busy suits me. I really need to do something if not I will feel weird. But yea, there really is plenty of stuffs to do. It's just that obviously I'm not doing them and just happily lying around until I realise that I'm actually not that happy lying around. LAME I think I really have issues with myself.
But yes, I am slowly understanding more about myself and the things I want in life and fight for what I want and I don't know, just be a better person and appreciate myself and the people around me. I am still truly blessed with a lot of very wonderful people in my life who had shaped the way I am today in many different ways.
Time to work hard and really make the most out of this life.
No comments:
Post a Comment