two thousand and seventeen

So many many thoughts but no time to properly sit and reflect for now. I'll just try to summarise in the most coherent way possible.

2017 has been pretty insane. From graduating form SMU and education in general, to starting my first job. There are still so many more things to experience and so many more things to learn. But this year really has been interesting? HAHA I guess, it started off bad but safe to say, it is ending pretty decent. Not completely great but I am contented and satisfied with what I have right now.

I guess as compared to last year's ending, this year's ending actually felt way better. Maybe because there is kinda more certainty in my life. At least for my job area and friends area. Not that yknow my friends area was uncertain last year LOL just that at the start of this year, there were some uncertainty and all but I'm so damn thankful that it all got sorted out and I still have my friends with me. :')

I think at the end of the day, I'm really a sucker for friendships. I mean okay, most people are. But I really truly feel very blessed to know that I have people who I can count on when I need help or advice or just a listening ear. And I guess this year, with all the things that happened, it's comforting to know that those people who said that they will be there for you through the good times and bad, they are really there. And they are really there to listen to me and talk me through my own thought process HAHA 'cause yes, this person here sometimes really just need to articulate out my thoughts in order to get my head straight. Thinking out loud, literally. But yes, I need someone to reply me when I think out loud, even though it's just to reassure me that I'm not making the wrong decisions. So yes, really just grateful to have people around to talk to? HAHA

And just people who make you laugh and smile and just make your day really brighter. They are simple things in life that we often take for granted but we should definitely pay attention to these moments more because they are actually the ones that count at the end of the day. When you look back in your life, sure, you will remember the big moments. But it's also the small moments that make your heart all warm and fuzzy. The late night talks about life, the times when you laugh until your stomach hurts so bad, or simply talking about rubbish (but not really) during meal times or after meal times, staying out late with each other and doing nothing much just because you want to stay with each other longer. I guess these are the moments that you will miss more than the big moments. These are the moments that you will actually look back on more fondly. So I guess what's important is really just appreciate every moment that you have with people and be present. I realise that for me, it's really either all in or none. If I am going to meet you, I will put in effort to meet you and talk to you and know you. But if I'm really not interested in meeting you, I won't even bother LOL I mean, there is good and bad to it. But we really only have 24 hours a day, there are some many people who matter and so you really just have to make them for those who truly matter more.

And I guess at work, definitely it's important to know my colleagues and all that but somehow it's really just different. I mean okay, I do really like some of my colleagues and I can talk to them and all that, but sometimes it's just different I guess? But okay, honestly, work is really great. I mean there are times when I feel frustrated or really very messy. Or actually still pretty messy. But it's okay. It's really training me to be comfortable with the discomfort and messiness. And I'm sure that after this whole experience, I will come out stronger? HAHA hopefullyyy. And really just learn as much as I can and gain as much knowledge as I can. Just make use of all the opportunities I have and do the best in my work. But also remember to cut  myself some slack and don't have too high expectations on yourself that make you stress over nothing.

And of course, not forgetting my family. At the end of the day, they are ultimately still the most important people in my life and I'm really glad that I got to spend more time with my mum and dad post graduation and pre work. And honestly, I miss spending time with them and idk, just running errands with them/for them. HAHA maybe I should really just be their PA instead LOL not exactly a bad thing. I get to travel often, earn money/allowances and look out for them. So it's really killing many birds with one stone. But okay, I need to go out there and gain some exposure and experience first before I can contribute.

And I think actually I also need to start shredding away the "newbie" mentality. Yes, I am new, I am a fresh grad. But that doesn't mean I cannot do the work that other people who have been working for years have been working on. Sure, there are times when it's true that experiences matter. But aren't you the one who got frustrated with companies who only hire people with experience? So isn't it time to proof that hiring fresh grad directly is not a bad idea? And that yes, fresh grad has things to prove to you as well. I guess I really just have to remember and remind myself daily on what is the purpose of what I am doing. Or rather, work hard and show that you are capable of doing things and that they did not make a wrong decision in hiring you.

But anyway, so yes family. HAHA digress like mad but anywayyy so parents I got to spend more time. Sister, I mean I guess as we grew older we really grew closer? When we were young we were close but like by circumstances HAHA so I guess form primary to JC onwards we were more of doing our own thing and finding our own friends and all that. But I guess once I started uni and she started working, we somehow converge back again. I mean all along we were close but yea, just closer now and I'm so damn thankful to have her around to really just hear me talk as well HAHA or rather, vent my frustrations and really advice me on what I should do. So yes, it's always great to have an older silbling around and I'm so thankful that I'm the youngest. Heheh but hey, I take care of her too k so it's mutual.

So yes, there's really more things that I wanna say and I honestly don't know if I'll be able to find the time to say them but of course, you make time for your own reflection right? So yea, I guess I really need to start learning how to manage my time properly 'cause once you start work, life really passes by you without you knowing and soon you will be 25 years old. Oh my. So yes, I think time management is something that I definitely wanna work on as well. Self improvement woohoo!

So thank you 2017 for being a pretty rollercoaster ride but I guess life is only fun and interesting when it's a rollercoaster ride right? The trick is to enjoy this ride whether is it up or down. And embrace all your feelings, be it positive or negative because you need all of them to keep you sane and healthy ultimately.

2018, hope you will be great. 

comfort

Suddenly at a loss of words on how to begin this post but I guess, I'll just go with it ah LOL anywayyy, just completed my 3rd week of work and there's pretty much quite a lot of things going on and stories to say about it but the gist is that it's pretty intense but I believe I'll survive it. And I'm really learning things and being exposed to many opportunities so really just gotta learn and read more and just give my best shot.

I think the most important lesson that I got from these 3 weeks is to not be so hard on myself and give myself time to adjust to work life. Of course, don't take too long but I think also don't rush it. And it's okay to fall short of your own expectations of yourself. Just really, don't beat yourself up about not being good enough and etc. So I guess I also learned that I am not as chill pill as I thought I would be LOL but okay ah, I mean, during work time I honestly still think I'm pretty chill. It's just internal thoughts. Over thinking sigh. Self induced stress, it's really quite stupid LOL

But yes, it's all part of learning more about yourself and growing up and it's all good. I'm really good ah. Just really need to learn to manage expectations. Especially my own expectations of myself. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay not to know things, it's okay to question even though you may feel that these questions sound stupid. At least you question and not just sit there and be confused but don't clarify.

Another important lesson is also not to lose sight of the purpose of whatever you are doing. I think sometimes when we get too busy and too overwhelmed with everything, we forget the simple things like what are we actually doing this for. So I guess it's really important to remind yourself constantly to not lose sight of your purpose so that you will have stronger motivation to continue what you are doing.

And I also realise I'm really needy HAHAHA I guess when you are feeling not as happy, you really just wanna be around people who you are familiar with, people who bring you great comfort and you know you can just be at complete ease with them. So yes, I really miss my friends and really hope that somehow, everyone is working at the same company HAHA work will be so much more fun sia =(

But it's okay, it's important to meet new people and make new friends too and cannot always be confined in your own comfort zone. Time to really just put myself out there and not be scared of failure.

But yes, also thankful for the people in my life who are really just the greatest. And just people who bring my joy and laughter despite everything. So it's damn important to really just make time for all these small happiness no matter how busy or tired you are because these are the things that actually give you more energy to continue what you are doing.

As much as I really hate to admit it, adulting is really not fun hahhaah but okay, there is the part where you are actually earning your own money and idk somehow spending your own money definitely feels better. And planning how you wanna save up for other things or trips heh. I guess, it will all be okay as long as you remember that you have a strong support system in the form of your family and friends who will always be there for you and that you are really not alone on this journey.

what about angels

[ How unfair, it's just our luck
Found something real that's out of touch
But if you'd searched the whole wide world
Would you dare to let it go? ] 

Not About Angels - Birdy

But how can you let go of something that you never had? Right? And why is it that something real can actually be out of touch? But it really can.

Fate works in the funniest and strangest of ways right? Or maybe to me, it really does. It really feels like it's playing tricks on me most of the time. But it's okay. I guess it's really all part of growing up and figuring things out. Being okay with not knowing also.

I guess I need to learn to loosen my control and really let life be as it is. The future is something that you really won't know what's going to happen. And I guess, that's okay. Don't worry too much and really just make your best out of the present.

And good things are really worth the wait. I believe in this so much. And I see it happening time and again. So I guess it's really just a reminder to myself to be patient in life. In every aspect of life. Don't rush things, don't over think things, don't doubt yourself too much. And have faith and believe that at the very end of the day, it will all be okay. Things will eventually work out in ways that you can never imagine. So okay, the trick is to just take things easy and focus on things that you need to focus on right now and make the best out of whatever you are doing.

Gonna start my first job this Monday and I'm really excited. Though a little scared and nervous to what's to come but I guess I'm more excited than scared. And I really hope that I can do well in it but I guess really just give my very best and work hard. Time to get moving and give my best.

who's gonna have to die to remind us

[ These tough times they keep coming
Last night I might have messed it up again
Some days like I'm barely breathing
After we were high in the love, doped out] 

Beautiful Trauma - P!nk

So so so addicted to this song. It's beautiful and I'm really so happy that P!nk is back. And so is many other super good artist like my fav Kelly Clarkson and Sam Smith and Demi Lovato. Means many good songs to come wewww.

Anyway, life has been pretty up and down and all about hahahah. But I'm really glad that somehow it's suddenly a lot clearer and I'm very very excited to what's to come next. And yes, I know I always always mention this in almost every other blog posts lately but I'm really mad thankful for my family and friends. It's really because of them that I can be where I am now, and think the way I think now. People who really are there to just make me laugh, smile and make me a better person. And really just help me without wanting anything in return. And people who are so genuinely happy for me when good things happen and really just damn freaking supportive.

So yes, thank you everybody yall really the besttt. Truly blessed I guess. To know that you really have people who will be there for you no matter good times or bad. 

Life's probably gonna get very very busy soon but I hope I can still sustain this one post one month thing at least HAHA

But okay, in all honesty, I really miss the past. But I know that you know, at least they exist before. And I think what really matters is how you live life presently and really just make the most out of your days. Make sure you don't leave any room for regrets. Yes, the past was great, but you can't go back to those times so really just live the present 'cause whatever you do now shapes the future. 

you'll miss the magic of the good old days

[ Never thought we'd get old, maybe we're still young
Maybe you always look back and think it was better than it was
Maybe these are the moments
Maybe I've been missin' what it's about
Been scared of the future, thinkin' about the past
While missin' out on now
We've come so far, I guess I'm proud
And I ain't worried 'bout the wrinkles 'round my smile
I've got some scars, I've been around
I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now
Those good old days  

You don't know what you've got
'Til it goes, 'til it's gone
You don't know what you've got
'Til it goes, 'til it's gone ] 

Good Old Days - Macklemore & Kesha

I don't know why this song just gives me a lot of feels. I think especially 'cause I'm a freaking nostalgic person so this song really just speaks to me. But yea, this part is my favourite 'cause yea, the past was great, the future seems daunting, but what's most important is still the present and really just appreciating everything you have presently and just enjoy life as it is.

"The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead." - Marjorie Pay Hinckley

The past few days have been quite a strange rollercoaster ride of emotions and thinking and all. I'm still very much riddled with a lot of questions and uncertainties but I'm also crazy thankful for the amazing people in my life who truly have my back and really just listen to me and give their advices where they deem fit and idk, also just really very supportive of the decisions that I make. Or simply just people who are here to make me smile a little brighter and laugh a little loudly.

I guess even though I still haven't found some things I'm looking for, I'm incredibly blessed with family and friends who are very much here for me when I need them to and just thankful to know that I'm really not alone in this journey called life. 

NOTE TO SELF

“If you don't believe in God, have enough faith that if there is a God, He believes in you.” 

- Anonymous

I'm not an atheist. And actually I believe in the existence of God. Just that I don't know why but this quote just really struck me. That really no matter what you believe in, you just have to have strong faith in yourself and know that you are capable of doing many wonders.

So yea, this post is really a note to myself to be more confident with myself. For the past few weeks, with all the interviews and job applications, I realise that yea, one thing that I really lack is confidence. Which I think it's really bad 'cause during interviews, confidence gives you half the battle won. Okay, maybe not exactly half but definitely adds points to yourself. And I think it's really something that I have to learn to be more of. Just to be more sure of myself. It's not as if I don't know my stuffs. I know them, so I really have to show it to others that I know them too.

And yea, I think just don't ever self doubt. My sister was telling me that the worst feeling to feel now is to doubt yourself so don't ever do it now. Yes, you are still jobless. But it's not because you are not good. It's really just not the right companies and places yet so just be patient and wait for the right one to come along. The right job will definitely be worth the wait. I guess, just don't doubt your own worth. It's hard at times though when the only replies you get are rejections. But I think the right job will definitely come along.

I guess also remembering the things that you are good at, the things that you are passionate about. Show it to the interviewers. You can show them to your family and friends so you can definitely show it to the interviewers also. Remember all the things that you have done and experienced before. Share with them because they won't know about them unless you say it.

But I guess also take heart that sometimes things may not always go your way but it's okay. Just be patient. Good things are really worth the wait. I guess the wonderful thing about life is that it always isn't perfect. And that's the beauty of it.

"perhaps most of the challenging times in your life were the milestones that really shaped you and grounded you as a person cause you were at your lowest point then but you got through it and emerged a stronger person and it'll continue for as long as you live cause you're really just always developing yourself"

Recently my dear friend told me this and it really resonated with me so well. If life is always smooth sailing, it wouldn't be called life anymore and there is just nothing going on and you are just stuck. So I rather have a life that is filled with challenges to overcome and yea, it makes life worth more living and though the negatives really suck sometimes, you will get past them and come out stronger. And you will learn to appreciate the positives more often and I guess that's why life is really just amazing.

And I think one thing that I gotta learn is acceptance. There are some things in life that you want to just reject immediately without accepting it first. Which, makes sense. LOL but I guess there are some things that you cannot reject immediately and you have to learn to accept it first. It's damn bloody hard to come to terms with it and accept the circumstances surrounding it but in order to actually deal with it properly, you need to learn to acknowledge them and accept them then you can deal with it. Sometimes when you reject it up front, it doesn't solve anything and actually just makes everything harder 'cause the issue is still very much there and unresolved. Acceptance is hard but it's not impossible. So really just give yourself some time to come to terms with things and learn to deal with them after.

This year really has been pretty interesting and a lot of learning. I think for awhile I thought I was very sure about everything and how life would be and all. But I guess I wasn't actually very certain as I thought I was and even though all these uncertainties make me feel uneasy at times, I'm damn glad that I am having all these uncertainties. You can learn and grow from them and really just come out stronger and better.

So I guess I'm just really damn thankful to have a very good support system in the form of my family and friends. People who are really believe in me more than I believe in myself and knowing that I have them around really gives me the strength to carry on what I am doing and work towards the future.

finding myself

Sunrise at Cha-Am in Thailand! Sunrise and sunset truly never fail to amaze me and just be in awe at this wonderful creation by God. These colours are just amazing.

Anyway, I'M BACKKKK hahahah and in the best way. I guess for the most part of this year, or rather mainly ever since my last day of exams back in April, I hasn't been completely myself and I know it. Or rather I just really felt very floaty. And especially July. I don't know why but there was just a lot of uncertainty and confusion and I know that I wasn't myself for awhile. I was very out of it and I guess the worse part is that some of my friends realise that I was very out of it also. I mean okay, I am a person who is easy to read but some stuffs you know you will still try to hide from people and not show it but I guess when people can tell that something is wrong with you, it means it's really quite bad.

But in any case, after a few weeks of pondering and thinking and wondering, I finally manage to sort out my thoughts at the start of August and wah it's really amazing 'cause I really felt that I was myself again. I don't really know how to say this feeling but I just felt like I had a better grip of myself and found some footing and grounding and idk, just finally can think better and make better decisions in general.

Though now is the end of August but I guess I really just wanna remember this period and remind myself that you can really overcome all the negativity or what not and just come out stronger and better. You just need to make a little bit more effort in trying to use your brain and rationalise everything and be strong and firm about the things you have decided on and not let life and everything else waiver you.

There are still many things that I haven't do and want to do but I guess I am just going to see how it goes and not be too controlled by the things that I haven't do and just live. It's true that procrastinating is bad but I guess what's really more important is living in the present moment. I guess that's why I really don't like it when I know that I'm out of it whenever I meet people. I will feel very frustrated with myself knowing that I'm not 100% present and there. Though yea lar, it's stupid but I think I'm not being fair to the other people there and to myself also. Because you are so preoccupied by your own thoughts that you forget to think about others and you also forget to just try to have a good time also. That's why I guess I'm really glad when I stop getting so preoccupied by all these thoughts and really just start to think clearer.

Anyway, so just some rough update still looking for a job but I've been going for some interviews so they are all good practices so I guess it's still good. Just need to not be dejected by rejections and really just work to improve myself to become better and be more confident. I think confidence is something that I really lack when I'm with strangers. I mean okay, even with my friends sometimes I also have low confidence HAHAH okay lar what lies. Boast about so many things whenever I have the chance. Cheyyy but okay ah it's really different when you are with family and friends VS when you are with people you just met. I guess really just be yourself and show the genuine side of you and the sincerity and I believe you will do fine. Just be confident I guess. I think being confident is really a big step forward to getting people to have a stronger impression of you. Know your worth man.

Sidetrack but yea, I'm slowly realising how as you grow older you really have lesser time for people and idk, you really learn to choose how you want to spend your time more carefully. Not in the bad way. But I guess idk, you really just become more selective but in a good way HAHA oh well, I guess to me what matters most is that I'm not meeting people for obligation but for genuinely wanting to see them and talk to them and find out what's happening in their lives. Growing up I guess. I think if you tell me this 5 years ago, I'll probably be like no lar, I confirm will have time for everybody one. Siao. Childish. Think 24 hours very long is it? And I think I really learn to treasure along time more. Like really just listening to music or just thinking.

And I think sometimes in life, you do miss people and you hope that some people play a more important and constant role in your life. But most of the time, things don't often go according to what you hope for. But you will be okay. Because really, look around you and you will see that you are very much loved and you already have people in your life who are truly worth the keeps. And I guess there are really just some people in your life where you don't have to meet them often or talk to them often but you know that once you see them, everything just falls in the right place and I don't know, you just know that this person is real, this person is for the keeps and I guess it's really a very heartening feeling to know that you have really great people in your life who inspire you daily.

Again, this post is all over the place but really, this current state that I'm in is one of the clearest of the whole 2017 I think. Sure, there are times when it slips back to being uncertain and unclear but I guess it's really all about just remembering that you need to get back on track and pull yourself together. Because heck, nobody else can pull you up best other than yourself. Being truthful and honest to yourself is the first step I guess. If you keep living in denial, you will not be able to find contentment and fulfilment in life. 

at least it happened before right?

The thing that I really really hate is that the present is no longer the same as the past. That some things just belong to the past and it won't ever happen again in the future. But at least all these memories happen before right? At least these past memories were very real and they can never be changed. Memories that will always last a lifetime.

But, why is it that these memories can't be brought forward to the present? Why is it that somehow some things really just don't work out the way you hope for them to work out? Why is it that time and again I always get caught up in the past even though I'm trying my best to live the present? Why is it that whenever I look back at all these memories, I feel a certain heartache that these memories are really a thing of the past and it won't ever happen again in the present or future?

I know very well that you know, at least they existed. These memories that I have are not fake. They are very very real. It's just not real in the present and I guess that's really just something you have to learn to deal with it. You really can't have everything going your way in life and sometimes you just gotta experience some sadness to make you stronger.

It's always nice to look back on the past and remember those memories and smile. I'm still very happy and thankful that those memories exist and I guess even though there are some things that are no longer the same, there are still many things that remain constant and honestly, I didn't lose much. It's just different I guess and it's something that I just have to get used to and really deal with it. Stop dwelling on the past that's already gone and just look forward to the future and live this present. And yea, I guess just see where life takes you and don't think too much in these things.

Most of the time overthinking kills and I admit that I'm usually a victim of overthinking. And it sucks more 'cause all these random thoughts just fester in my head and make me feel sad without me even realising it. So I guess it's really time to properly deal with all these thoughts and just always remember that there are really still many things to be thankful about and just many things to look forward to in life. So many more experiences that I've yet to experience and so many things to do.

And yea, at least all these memories happened before. I had my laughs and happiness and what not and I'm glad that life so far had been pretty good to me and I guess I'm also really thankful to know that after 16 years of education, I truly made quite a few bunch of friends who I know are truly for life. It's just heartening to know that you met very good people for most of your life and they are still very much part of your life. I truly am blessed and I really just gotta have faith that this period of uncertainty will be over soon and somehow I'll find some clarity in some things. 

3am is definitely not the best time to post and reflect but I guess when it comes, you just have to do it.

Was watching the Korean drama "Fight for My Way" and I honestly didn't expect myself to have so many feelings for this show. To me, it's pretty relatable now 'cause it talks about 4 friends who are in their youth and how they gave up their dreams and chase after their dreams. I guess for me the most relatable part is how no matter what they do, they really just wanna make their parents feel proud of them. They don't want their parents to worry and all that.

Right now, there are really a lot of thoughts going on in my head. And I really need to stop trying to escape from all these issues and really sit down and start sorting them out. I really need to stop running away because freak, the further I ran away, the further I am in trying to discover myself and what the hell I actually want to do with my life. In many aspects. Then you go around complaining and whining that you feel lost and shit and what not. Stop it. You know very well that the only person who can push you to move forward is yourself so freaking hell work on it. Stop being lazy, stop finding excuses. I think most importantly, stop being so hard on yourself too.

Yes, I may not have figure out exactly what I want to do but stop thinking that there's something wrong with that. Stop scolding yourself for being lazy and actually start acting to change this part of you. If you don't like this part of you so much, freaking hell work on it and just stop saying that you hate this part. Yes, you hate it. So what? Are you gonna keep letting it grow bigger and bigger? You yourself know what the issue here and you don't face up to it. So what difference does it make if you know about something but you don't act on it.

It irks me so much but I guess I really need to learn to cut myself some slack too. The more I'm annoyed at myself, the more I will be. I mean, it's pretty logically and a given but I think sometimes I really forget to give myself a break. Let myself breathe. When you don't even let yourself breathe properly, how the hell do you expect others to give you space also?

This really really sucks but I believe it will all get better right? All these confusions and lost. Maybe sometimes we don't need to know what exactly is gonna happen next. Maybe life just takes us there without us knowing. So I just gotta have more faith right?

travel bug

I think Korea is really a country that I can see myself going back often and not getting sick of it and Idk, I truly don't mind living in the country for awhile. This was my 2nd trip to Korea but I still felt like there are so many places I haven't go and so many places that I want to go again and just spend longer time at.

Anyway, this is gonna be a random post 'cause like in case I missed my month HAHA but yesss I've got a lot of things I wanna blog about though. It's just, don't really have time to properly sit down and type out everything. I think it's really just too many things. First, graduation. Next, Vietnam grad trip. Then, Korea grad trip. And then many other random things that I wanna talk about in proper form.

And right now I just feel like I wanna keep going overseas. Even after coming back from two trips. Though I was really tired from both, there is just this part of me that really wants to go out again. And I kinda really want to do a solo trip. But I really have no money now to do that and if I was to get from my parents, they probably won't let me do a solo trip on their money LOL which, makes sense lar ah. That's why like I need to do a solo trip while with them HAHA like they do their own things while I do mine but I stay in the same accoms as them. That's good enough for me.

But okay, I think right now I should stop thinking of flying away and start planning and thinking about Singapore and what to do. Like job hahahahah. My mum gave me the green light to look for jobs overseas. Though she always gives me the green light for most things. But okay, I should really take this green light and start properly finding too. There was a period of time when I legit went to see and found jobs that I really interested in HK/China. But then of course, being the usual me, I never apply. See only, say only. So YF stop k. This usual me is not a good me. So I think right now it's really the best time to start getting my life together and really figure out what exactly do I wanna do. Just need to start somewhere I guess.

So okayyy I'll try to do this blog thing more 'cause I think writing really helps to consolidate my thoughts. And I think I really need to force myself. And really stop sitting on the sofa and using my phone for God knows what reasons. YESSSS time to come back and stop thinking about the next travel already YF. 

start soon

Wouldn't it be truly great if I can wake up to such views everyday? Waking up to see mountains and amazing sceneries. This isn't much of a view but this entire town in Austria was really one of my all time favourite place in Europe. Granted, I have too many favourite places in Europe but Austria is really one of my top 3 beautiful countries in Europe. And the standard of living is way more manageable as compared to Switzerland so that's a great alternative HAHA

Anyway, this photo is also a very good reminder to start sorting out my exchange photos again LOL really keep procrastinating and it's gonna be almost a year since I left Europe. But I'm so very sure I left part of my heart there. =\

Lately I really feel that there is something missing in my life. But I really can't pinpoint to what it is. But honestly, there are many things missing in my life right now. Like a job, a boyfriend, and many more actually. LOL but idk, I guess ever since exams ended, I feel very empty. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying this post exams freedom, and being able to sit around and do nothing and talk for hours without feeling guilty. But I guess I really need to start moving and doing something because it is really not me to just sit around forever. Even helping out with chores at home makes me feel more alive than sitting in front of the TV or laptop rotting. Okay lar, not rotting but like watching shows again and again. I'm enjoying the shows but I also still need to do something LOL I guess I hate it most when I just sit on my sofa and use my phone for damn long. Like hello? What is on your phone that can actually keep you looking at it for so long?

But okay, I guess really enough of all these frustrations that I complain about ever so often. But okay ah, I am only human and if I don't complain or let it out, I will just have everything suppressed in my head and it'll definitely explode someday and everything will be worse. Right now, I just have to set some short term goals for myself and slowly work towards them. I think I really need to start organising my life and everything 'cause as much as spontaneous and easy going as I can be, for my own life I really need some kind of organisation. But okay ah, organisation is always good to keep things in perspective. But I think also to really find out what exactly you wanna do. I have at least 50 good years ahead of me and it's really up to the current me to make the most out of everything. Like what Coldplay said, "but if you never try, you'll never know just what you're worth". HAHA sorry, that was really cheap shot.

Okayy time to find some life back into myself HAHA just needa reorientate myself and readjust to this post uni life and start working hard for the future. Let's goooo 

wait for it

[ Today more than yesterday, Tomorrow more than today
eojeboda oneul oneulboda naeil  

If I only have you, I will brightly smile
neoman issdamyeon hwaljjak useul geoya  

I’ll pick you up, wherever you are
derireo galge neol eodie issdeunji  

Is it too late? I’ll run to you
neujeun geon anin geolkka dallyeogalge  

I’ll pick you up, so you won’t regret
derireo galge neol huhoehaji  

I’ll wait for you
anhdorok gidarillae  

I’ll pick you up right now
jigeum neol derireo galge ]

I'll Pick You Up (데리러 갈게) - Standing Egg

Sigh, this song really gets to me idk why. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo is greattt. Actually, the Kdramas lately has been quite nice. Ever since I came back from exchange. And yes, I find myself watching them regularly for my final year at SMU HAHA but in all honestly, they are really pretty feel good dramas or dramas with interesting storylines. And the drama OSTs is DAEBAK really. Their songs are really good. Or rather, you just feel a lot after listening to them. Maybe it's just me ah LOL

Anyway, yea the past week had been quite nice of doing nothing HAHA okay, I did quite a lot of stuffs actually. Just that yea, still haven't properly sit down and reflect and all. Or rather just consolidate my thoughts properly. Because okay, I was watching a drama HAHA so like that took up some time heh.

But yea, I really slightly blame being too free to get me thinking about many things. I mean, thinking is good, but it's not that great when it heads in a certain direction that doesn't make you feel good. So I guess I really need to stop lazing around and get my head back in the game. I think what I really need is to have something to work on and really just focus on it. When I have a clear direction, I'll stop all these thoughts from growing in my head and just yea, Idk, make me feel more in control of my life?

Sigh, I guess it's okay to feel things sometimes. Just that, sometimes these feelings really suck. Or rather, it's confusing to me and part of me want to figure it out but the other part doesn't want to also. So like, Idk what exactly do I want. I guess, even though I'm already 23, I still feel that I'm less than 20. How is it that I'm 23? But okay, to some extend, I feel that my outlook on life is really kinda different from when I was 19, fresh out of college. 4 years of university did change me, in a good way I think. And wah, when I look back at all the old photos, I really cringe. Though, those times were really great and fun. And somehow when you look back at all these photographs, a part of you really wants to go back to those times and relive them. But I know that they are really in the past. So, you really just have to deal with it. And look forward. The thing about the past (which I have been saying forever and ever) is that you cannot go back. So really, look forward k YF. Just try. And know that yea, everything will really fall into place somehow somewhere. But of course, it won't fall into place if you are just going to sit in front of your laptop and watch your kdramas and live in your self delusional state and hoping for things to just work automatically. You still need to work hard for them. So yea, slowly but surely find your way again k.

I really blame watching dramas sometimes for having all these thoughts. But I still can't help watching them oh welllll 

THAT'S CHRIS MARTIN FROM COLDPLAY

I'm posting at this weird timing now 'cause I suddenly remember how I haven't posted for April LOL but in any case, GUESS WHO JUST GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY?!??!

Honestly, I have a lot of thoughts to say about that. I mean, it is after all the end of another 4 years of education, and this is probably gonna be my final education journey unless I decided to take masters, which is pretty unlikely judging from how I realise I'm so very done with this studying thing. But in any case, yea, there's really a lot to reflect about and I think I really have to make it a point to properly reflect no matter how busy life can get. Just watch lesser shows and reflect instead k YF 

So far, I'm really just enjoying my post finals with all the shows and sleeping and really just lazing around. Which is good and bad? Time is passing very quickly though. Cause like it's gonna be one week since finals ended and I still feel like I haven't rest to enough. Or rather, I still got a lot of things I wanna do. Which actually I still really do have time over the next few weeks before flying to Vietnam. So I shouldn't worry too much lar ah 

Just that yea, time to reflect properly and I won't do it now 'cause my eyes are slowly closing in. But just in general, I still can't really believe that it's truly over? It's a very surreal feeling. But like I don't really know how to say also. Unemployment so far doesn't feel that scary HAHAHA but okay, I guess it's really because I'm enjoying my time and this final sem in school wasn't exactly the best and resting is important LOL oh wellll okay time to sleep and I'll continue this another day

routine

Was watching the Chinese movie "Suddenly Seventeen" yesterday and I guess it came as a timely reminder to not get caught up with life and forget about the things that actually matter. I think the scary thing about doing routine things is that you lose yourself in them sometimes and it may be very hard to find the other part of yourself back again. 

With graduation coming real soon, I think the question of "What happens now?" is actually more important. But I guess, it's also equally important to remember that there is really a lot of things in life that is worth chasing for, worth fighting for. And it's really very important to remind yourself not to get to caught up in the paper chase. That there are so many things in life that matters.

I think the one thing about routine is that it's easy, it's comfortable and you are good at it. But that doesn't mean that your life is just stuck at that routine. I believe that we are really part of this world for something great, something more than just the usual. And we really just have to figure at where our talents lie in and how we can actually make a difference. In small ways or big.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you feel indignant about settling with what's comfortable, do something to change it. Don't just settle because it's easy 'cause you won't truly find happiness in whatever you are doing if you just settle. But if you are okay with settling and know that you can grow to love this, then it's okay. I guess, there is really a lot of different perspectives when you think about something. But choosing which perspective that you want to subscribe to, that you really all up to your own choice.

Okay, thoughts are pretty much all over the place but I guess I really need to find that something to be passionate about again. The zest of life HAHA but yea ah, to me, I think I'm really a person who needs to do something that I truly believe in. If not it's very difficult for me to give my 100%. So yeaaa I guess I hope that somehow I will really be able to find that.

nostalgia

Shouldn't be doing this now since I need to wake up at 6 to fetch father to the airport and have a 25% quiz later also. But late night feels calls for a bit of nostalgia as I was strolling through my Instagram on the laptop and reading all the captions and what not.

And wah, the nostalgia game is very very strong. I have always been a person who feels extremely nostalgic easily but I thought I was better lately HAHA but I guess it's very normal to feel nostalgic ah. And I guess because there are many changes going on in life now and it's hard not to hold on to the wonderful and great memories of the past. And hope that it's still manifesting in the present. =\ That's always the hardest I guess.

But I think one thing that I am always reminding myself of is that at least you had that great memories to look back on and smile. True, it's a bittersweet feeling in that things are no longer the same as it used to be. But those times existed and were very real. So I think that's what that really matters. A friend also told me recently how despite everything has changed and things are no longer the same as it was, the memories we had together doing stupid stuffs will always be there. You can't change or alter what has already happened. So I guess that's something to be thankful for.

So yea, life changes, people change, but that doesn't mean that the past was not real. And I guess this is a reminder to yourself to appreciate what you have presently and appreciate those who are still very much a part of your life. Because yea, sometimes life really sucks and things change without you knowing and wanting it to. But you really just have to deal with it and move on and remember that you still have a present and a future where you really still have the choice to decide how you want to make it.

I want something just like this

[ I've been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman's control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don't see myself upon that list ]  

Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay

Lately the new music has been great. With Ed Sheeran's new album and this amazing collaboration between Coldplay and The Chainsmokers. Coldplay ah mainly. Seriously seriously can't wait for their concert on 31st March =D

Anyway, this month is gonna be crazy and I haven't actually started it but I can already feel it. And it's not really a nice feeling because as you can see, I'm very restless now and somehow don't really wanna start the work that I need to do and am here posting. But okay, I guess I really just needed an outlet to just speak my mind HAHA

I realise that in this world, life really goes on without caring if you are following along with it. And it's pretty scary at times. So many things just change in an instant and it's really hard to keep up sometimes but you just have to. And the hardest part is to not let these changes get to you, which to me, it's really damn freaking hard. To someone who feels a lot, it's really hard to dissociate myself from certain things. But I guess sometimes you just have to. And really just don't worry too much and just be there for people as you are.

I guess the best thing is really just bury yourself with work and what's important and all that. Though the discipline to not get distracted by multiple things is really one of the hardest to do. But you know what, you really just have to do it. It's not a choice. Life doesn't give you a break sometimes so you just have to try your best to catch up to it.

But generally, all is good HAHA as in yeaaa I guess the main thing that is at the back of my head and something that I'm trying to run away from is what happens next once I graduate from SMU. What happens after 21st April. I know I have 2 grad trips plans so there are stuffs to be looking forward to. Then there's graduation in July. Then what? What do I do next? What should I do next? What do I want to do next?

I think these are the questions I really need to find a day to just properly think through it. Probably after April though. I know I shouldn't be waiting so long but I feel that things like these, I shouldn't rush it. True, it's really stupid to just take your time while all the good/better jobs are being taken up by others. But hmm, I guess I don't know. I may regret not doing all these planning and applying shit now, but I guess it's a consequence that I have to take since I made this decision to keep it on hold first. But of course, I guess I really need to force myself to squeeze out sometime to really just do it and stop procrastinating.

So okay, right now, time to get back to the things at hand and really just focus and complete them and really end this final sem on a good note. Don't end it half heartedly. 

see the line where the sky meets the sea

[ See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know
What's beyond that line, will I cross that line? ] 

How Far I'll Go - Auli'i Cravalho (Moana OST)

This song has been stuck in my head recently even though the movie was last year LOL yes, I only properly listen to this song recently and remember how good a song it is.

So actually, I'm posting 'cause I'm scared that I won't have time the next few days and I'll miss my at least one post a month thing HAHA but in any case, I do have stuffs that I wanna post about too. I guess with graduation coming and the many conversations about the future with many different people, a lot of different thoughts are going in my head as well. And many other miscellaneous random nonsense that haunts my brain. Okay, haunt is a strong word. Just random stuffs that make me over think things and make me all negative for no reasons. I swear it's really tiring to be in my own thoughts sometimes. Or rather, I'm tired of them.

But okay, I guess February really was a lot better than Jan HAHA Like I'm more certain of what I want and have a better idea. Right now it's really the process of actually doing it. And properly planning and thinking and following through with it. And I think the part of taking risks and what not. How far I'll go. Not being all cliche and all but really, I think the most important step is really to be brave and step out of the comfort zone. Deviant from the norm. Don't restrict yourself from what you want to do or can do.

I think being risk averse is something that's holding me back from many things but being risk averse isn't completely a bad thing. It's just that I think right now, I really must be more daring and brave in going for the things that I truly want.

But in any case, a serious reminder to myself: stop worrying so much about the future that hasn't happen yet, stop trying to satisfy the world because you really don't owe the world anything and it is really not your responsibility to make everyone happy. And also, I think sometimes it's really unfair to yourself and to others when you overthink things yourself without letting other people know also. It's just stupid lar ah YF so just stop worrying so much and focus on other more important things and you know very well that most of the times (or rather all the time), your worries are needless and everything always works out well. So stop worrying so much and just learn to trust yourself and others. 

23

Twenty three is somehow my favourite number so I'm really hoping that this year will truly bring me good luck and be a great year. I saw this on FB today:

So before it turns to February, I'm just gonna doing a post to sum up my first one month of "trial". Somehow, 2017 didn't exactly start out great. I mean yea, I spent it with people I love so that was great. Like first time we actually countdown together HAHA So yea, that was nice. But somehow after that, school started and I got lost in just idk everything? I don't think I'm not used to school or what not. But I felt myself to be just floating around with no aim and purpose and it's pretty scary 'cause I'm a person who needs to have some motivation and aim in order to excel. When I float, I really float and my work sucks. And that's always when I will start to regret 'cause I know my potential is not there. I didn't do the best that I can.

Then turning 23. Honestly, I didn't feel much. As in prior to turning 23. Like everyone was saying it's damn old but to me, I really just felt like it was just one year older, that's all. Maybe it's because I spent my birthday alone last year and didn't feel anything strange. Maybe I got used to being alone during my time in exchange. I don't really know. But I guess for the past few months, or maybe every since I came back from exchange, I felt that my life was flat. Or rather, my character and personality or what not. I was very very lifeless and aimless and truly just floating around. And I guess it's really something that I still don't really like about myself? I prefer the YF who is driven and determined to do stuffs and really get shit done. I mean, yea, last sem I did get shit done and all but I guess December holiday killed it a bit and then January came and I felt lost. And January is always my favourite month but not this year which is really very sad.

But anyhow, so yes, birthday. It's really when you realise how freaking lucky you are to have friends who truly give a shit about you? I think sometimes I really doubt myself as a friend HAHA shit sounds really sad but yea, I guess sometimes you really forget that while others are great friends to you, you are to them also. I hope I'm not the only one who feels that. So yea, sometimes you really just forget that you actually mattered to others. That if you aren't around, it would be weird. Thank you guys for really making me feel loved. It may sound damn drama but yea, sometimes you really just forget the value of yourself. Which yes, it's very stupid of me ah.

I think that's the thing about me. I tend to forget the experiences I had or rather don't value them as much as I should have. I downplay my own strengths when in fact I should be showing them and say that hey, I'm actually capable of stuffs. Self doubt I guess. And thinking that my experiences don't matter. I guess even if it doesn't really matter, you need to first believe that they actually do so that you can "sell" yourself better. I think that's one thing that I lack. Selling myself. Actually, I don't know. I think I know how to. I'm just not doing it. LAZY. So yes YF please change this lazy habit of yours. Stop giving excuses and stop sleeping so much. Wake up. Read more. Do more.

You say 23 is your favourite number right? Please make this number proud. And that when you look back in your life, you will think that "Wow, 23 years old was a good year. 2017 was a good year." I think in life, we can never be short of more good years in our lives. The more the better so really, make every year count, every month count, every day count.

It's really okay to get lost once in a while but always remember to not resign to the lost and just continue on aimless. Fight back and come back stronger with a better version of yourself. 

here's to the fools who dream

[We've stumbled on a view
That's tailor-made for two
What a shame those two are you and me  

Some other girl and guy
Would love this swirling sky
But there's only you and I
And we've got no shot] 

A Lovely Night - Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone

My fav song from the movie heh. Very late on posting about this movie but was listening to the OST again and wah this is really one of the nicest movie I've watched recently. There's just this charm and magic to it somehow. Though the plot is quite typical, somehow it's still really very old school and classic. I think that's why it appeals to me 'cause of it's nostalgia feel.

And yes, I'm a fool who dream HAHHA not in the best way of dream but yea, still dream. Which, to be honest I don't know if I'm doing the right thing 'cause yea, sometimes dreaming really doesn't get you anywhere. I guess dream with no action. Lately, there's a lot of thoughts going through my head but it's hard to put in down in words proper. And all my thoughts are really all over the place. But what I don't really like most is that I'm really not as carefree as I used to be? I don't know but yea, I just feel that there is something in me that is different and I don't like that. I guess because there are many more uncertainties in life that are quite daunting. And I think I'm choosing escapism to "solve" them. I'm not very sure what exactly I want in life. But I know I want something.

Maybe I'm really just not courageous enough to fight for the things I want. Or rather, I'm afraid to say, "I want that". It's as if I'm not supposed to want it. I'm not supposed to have it. I'm not supposed to desire it? I don't really know. That's the problem I think. I really have no idea what is it that I want but I know there is something there. Maybe I just really need to be very honest with myself and face my facts and really just work towards it.

I think I really need countless reminders to tell myself that in this life, if you want something, you've got to work towards it. Sitting there thinking is really not going to work. Maybe it's this turning 23 making me reflect so much. When you look back on your past 23 years in life, what have you actually done? I know I'm still young with many more years to go. But yea, how do you want to spend the remaining years of your life? You have the power to change and alter it the way you want to. Or rather, God has a plan. But you can't just sit there and wait for it to just happen because though He has a grand plan for you, He can't control how you achieve them or what not.

Sigh, honestly I feel pretty lost but I don't want to resign to this life. I guess I really just need to focus on myself and start thinking about what is it that I really want out of this life. Where do I see myself in 5 years, 10 years. As cliche as it sounds, I think stuffs like that actually can help you focus and think more clearly about what you should do presently. Or rather, I hope to believe that it helps.

But yes, I'm gonna try somehow. Just really make time to discover myself again. Say so many times to have self-discovery trip, in the end all failed. Or rather, in the end never even try discovering. HOW YF. You really are a freaking procrastinator. But okay, stop scolding yourself also 'cause it's very annoying too.

I think right now, I just need to chill and breathe and know and believe that everything will really be okay ultimately. Trusting God and knowing that He truly has your back. This relationship with God is also something I think I really need to firmly do something about as well. Stop escaping from everything, YF. You can't escape life as much as you really want to. Embrace every part of it and truly enjoy it when you should. Just be free of inhibitions and what not. Stop second thinking yourself. 

everything all over

When you are overseas, you miss Singapore and want to come home. When you are in Singapore, you feel less motivated and driven and want to go overseas because you think that you are more driven and motivated overseas. To an extend, I think it's very true for me that I am really a lot more motivated and determined when I'm overseas. However, it's really not right that I am less determined and motivated when I'm back in Singapore. Because hello YF, this is the real life. This is the place where you have to be motivated, you have to be determined to do something about your life and make decisions of what you want to do. You have to start having a game plan about what you want and stop lying around sleeping or watching stuffs or whatever else you are doing. 

I really don't like how unmotivated I am as compared to when I was overseas on exchange last year. I know that I am still very much the same me from back in Groningen. It's just when the circumstance and environment change, somehow this lack of drive enters as well. Actually, I think it's just right now because I think I did find some drive in the second half of last year where I actually really worked hard and did well. 

But okay, I think yea, I really need to wake up my idea and stop thinking that I can only be motivated and driven when I'm overseas. Because yea, you are not overseas right now and you really need to get a grip of yourself and stop bumming around. Sigh, I think I really have too many posts frequently where I'm scolding myself for not doing stuffs. One thing that is really terrible about me is procrastination. I think I can really procrastinate about every single thing and it's really wah stop it leh. Stop saying next time, later, tomorrow, next week. Do it now if you want to do it. 

Like this blog also. I kinda regret not posting more during exchange or like during my trips in general. I realise I'm really a person who likes to reflect and read back on my experiences. Be it good or bad. Actually no, I prefer the good experiences HAHA but okay, I guess things that are worth remembering you will definitely remember them even though it's not documented or what not. Ah well, I'm just gonna rely on my this tiny brain which stores very useless information at times but I believe some important ones are there too. 

And never really thought I would actually say this but I really miss India. That experience was really something that I definitely treasure a lot and it's really a country that I will definitely visit again. I think I really need to remember all these things that I've done that actually make me who I am now. There are times when I really forget how I actually have my own stories to tell and share and I don't know, remember that I do have my fair share of experiences to share and don't just keep them all to myself?? What's the use of keeping them to yourself when you are the only one who knows about them? Some things need to be shared for a reason and I don't know, sometimes just have confident that your story may actually matter. Even if it actually doesn't, I don't know ah just have more faith in yourself I guess? It's true that sometimes you don't have to share everything. But sometimes you really can. Just I don't know, remember things that are worth sharing. Tell stories. Your own stories. I tend to be a person who likes to tell stories about my family and friends but not my own stories. But I guess that's normal? 'Cause you don't want to put yourself in the limelight. But it's weird 'cause hello, who is the best storyteller of your own life? Yourself please. So if you don't tell stories about your own life, nobody will do it for you. Sorry you are not famous enough to have someone write a biography about you hor. But okay ah, I guess I'm really more of a listener than a talker. So yes, I really need people who can actually make me share my own stories and also share their stories with me as well. I'm very demanding. 

Okay, I think it's time to either sleep or do work. Wah another thing also. When it comes to sleep or work now, I always keep choosing sleep. It's good and bad thing ah idk. Oh well. 

best horrible friends

I'm totally gonna get mocked for this post but heng I never post immediately on 1st Jan and before skyping these idiots. And despite knowing that they may (or may not) be annoying and laugh at me, I still wanna post 'cause I don't know why but I really felt very very happy on 31st Dec 2016. Not just because like I got to see my friends' plus ones and really like them because they seem like the best people for my dearest friends. It's mainly because I realise how we are going into another phase of our life but we are still very much together.

I remember thinking and talking about this day with some of the rest where we bring our plus ones to some gathering to introduce to each other and how cool it will be if we all can be friends. Okay granted, the meeting was short so to be honest, we aren't exactly friends yet but I still like them 'cause I'M BIASED HAHAHA. Okay lar, honestly I trust my friends have good taste in people hehe. And okay, only 3 out of 11 of us have plus one LOL but it's really a start and it's so exciting. I really like it that we are moving into different phases of life but we are still here for each other and being the constants to each other despite all our very busy lives. How we will try to make time for each other and make the effort to meet up. Or just talk nonsense on Skype for hours just to accompany our friend who was hobo-ing at the airport and hopefully we did make him feel a bit better about his situation with our nonsense and gave him a bit of warmth from home through the wonders of technology (okay, there is something wrong with this sentence but the idea is there).

And yea, for the hundred millionth time, it just makes you smile when you know that these people are really here for life. They are not faking it. True, there are times when you are genuinely annoyed with them and really cannot stand having them around. But you know that they are really here for the keeps. For the long term. No matter how annoying they can be, they will really be there with you in your life in some ways or another. Not constantly there for you but still there. They are really people who are truly like your family. It's like how you can't stand your parents and siblings sometimes and really dislike them at times for whatever they do that don't seem to go along with what you think should be done, but you still continue to love them and are still there for them whenever they need you. There are some friendships who are similar to that and sometimes we take them for granted but I've come to realise that such friendships are actually really freaking rare.

It's like when you are so used to these friends being there for you, you really forget that actually this friendship that we have is freaking hard to come by. It's rare to have friends from when you were younger and it's even more rare that they just so happen to be some of the closest friends you will ever have in life. True, along the way, you will make new friends, there will definitely be new friends who you know that will last for a lifetime too. But yea, no matter when you know these friends, if they are worth the keeps, they are worth the keeps. If they stay, they are truly treasures in your life that you should never take for granted. I think taking people for granted is really one of the worst things that I know I am also guilty of sometimes. So idk, I think it's very important to check with yourself if you are actually taking someone for granted and treating them badly. There are times when you really may not realise it but you are actually taking their presence and their actions for granted and that really shouldn't be the way. There's a difference between being very comfortable with each other to ask for favours and taking people for granted. No matter who he or she is, no matter what he or she do, always remember to show some gratitude to them. In ways that they also know. If you show it in ways that only you know, then it defeats the purpose. And I'm not saying you must show gratitude 24/7 but during times when you feel that hey, maybe this person needs someone to let them know that they are well appreciated. It's a small thing but it matters. Like how I always feel that saying "thank you" is very important. I agree that one should not keep saying sorry but there shouldn't be such thing as saying too much "thank you". Okay, in my own personal opinion, I feel that thank you is really just nice to hear somehow. Showing gratitude I guess. Appreciation. Affirmation HAHA MAYBE I AM THE ONE BEING FREAKING NEEDY.

But I guess yea, my whole point is really just remember to show gratitude to the people closest to you and do not take them for granted. Because life is freaking short and you really don't know what is gonna happen the next moment and you really don't want it to be too late to tell someone that you appreciate them and that they are important to you in this world.

I am quite amazed at how I actually managed to talk real reflection stuffs from whatever I initially wanted to post about. HAHA but yea, I'm really thankful that I have these friends here and many others who are just really blessings in my life. Yall know who you are 'cause only a few people read this LOL but okayyy, even those who don't read this or don't even know this place exists are actually pretty important to. But idk, it's really weird to tell people that you actually still have a blog and post regularly HAHA but then again, this is really still my sort of private space to just randomly type out stuffs so nope, it's too weird to share it with too many people. I still am very much in my own bubble and need my own space. But I also need some people around hence yall can still read this leisurely HAHAH

Okayyy I think it's time to sleep and be ready for school tomorrow. WEWWWWW LAST EVER FREAKING SEM IN UNIVERSITY ALREADY LETS GOOOOO