guess who's backkk

YAYYY FINALLY BACK FROM EXCHANGE but yes, I truly miss this place though. It's like I know I won't be going back there anytime in the near future. But definitely will go back again some day.

Suddenly have many feels but I will leave it to other posts 'cause I feel like I still have to settle many other stuffs first before settling this blog. Haven't been updating much because yes, travelling keeps you moving and very busy. That's why Instagram is kinda good 'cause you can just update bits of your travels more regularly.

But yea, I have been thinking of just updating here more regularly because blogging helps to clear my head actually. Or rather, typing and writing and reflecting are quite nice HAHA I guess it has really been quite awhile since I properly did a post here so it suddenly feels very refreshing.

In any case, this is really still a space for me to look back one day and laugh at how ridiculous I used to be. Or what my dear friends do. Tsk tsk. But okay lar, I really do still like blogging. It's therapy LOL

Anyway, right now being back in Singapore feels very weird and detached. Though I have been going out for the past week, it still feels a bit strange to be back? It's like the floating feeling. Like somehow though I'm back to my home ground, I still feel very floaty? Like I'm not truly back. Maybe because my room is still in a mess and my laptop too and my photos and wow, there are really many things to do and I better hell do them before school starts and not procrastinate again.

Also, need to work hard for my final year because someone never work hard enough the past 3 years. But okay, right now I am very motivated so I hope this feeling really stays. I guess after resting more and organising my stuffs together will help? I was telling someone how I think my life feels a bit messy because my room is messy. So everything just feels very messy. So yes, time to get some organising done.

And this exchange really made me learn quite a lot of things. Learned more about myself and what I want and many others. Which yea, I will sit down one day and properly type them out.

3 weeks before school starts so yess let's hope I really can settle all that I want before this final year. 

white supremacy

I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw this video about how there was an ISIS attack at Baghdad that killed about 200plus people. Yet, nobody changed their profile photo like they did for Paris, Brussels and Orlando. Nobody had hashtag #prayforbaghdad. Before this incident, there was also another attack at Istanbul airport. And the same thing too.

So yes, is it that the world only care if it happened in to the Westerners? Is it that if something happened in Western countries, it's more serious? Lives are lost. Who is to say that the value of the lives of certain people are more than others? They are all people.

That's when you realise how messed up the world is. I admit, there are times too when I tend to have a stereotype towards certain race. And when I realised what I was doing subconsciously, the feeling is quite terrible. How can you determine a person's character based purely on his or her skin colour, gender or what not? How is that fair to judge a person's behaviour based on something that he or she doesn't have a control over. They are born like that doesn't mean that belong to that stereotype. But I guess stereotype is something that we can't really control. It's just that we need to remember to look passed those stereotype and not jump to conclusions.

Idk why lately I'm posting these kind of stuffs hahahah but okay I guess, looking at all the news and being in Europe itself where this white supremacy thing is the most evident, I realise we are really living in a very scary world right now. And somehow, I just really hope that ultimately things will all get better? It's scary to think about what kind of world you will have to raise your children in in the future. I really hope that things will truly get better. That there is still some form of humanity in the world. #prayfortheworld #faithinhumanity

(Please pardon me for the incoherence in this post, my thoughts are really just all over the place right now)

where is the love

Clearly should be sleeping but happened to read something very sad about the Orlando shooting. It's the last few text messages from a son to his mother and I really cannot imagine what the mother must have felt when she received those messages.

The world is really really in a huge mess that to be honest, I really cannot express what exactly to say about it. Where is the love really. Why all these terror attacks? What exactly is the point that you are trying to prove by killing innocent lives? How does this make you achieve what you want? How does this make a world a better place? I really don't understand. It's really crazy to know that this is the kind of world that we are living in right now. Why is there so much hate?

So many questions but I have no answers for them. But okay I guess it's time to sleep and yea, probably try to type a better post next time. 

cannot believe my eyes

Too many amazing photos to last me a last time. Or rather, too many wonderful experiences. There is something special about knowing that this is a photograph that you took it yourself instead of the regular Google images. Yes, the Google images might be nicer but this one is truly your personal one. I don't really know how to say this but yea, I guess a sense of accomplishment that I was there.

AND LOOK AT THE SEA IT'S REALLY THAT COLOUR I KID YOU NOT. When I saw the colour of the sea, I was really surprised. I thought it was some movie magic when I see these kind of colours on movie or tv shows. BUT NO MAN IT'S REAL.

This exchange has been truly incredible so far. Went to so many places where my immediate reaction was just wow. Like I'm not even controlling my mouth to say it. The wow just came out very naturally every single time. Like I really just cannot believe my eyes that I'm seeing it in real life. Like this place truly exists, this building is real, this city is real. And nature is simply amazing. Truly God's amazing creation.

It's also quite frustrating how I really want to find some time to sit down and note down everything because I feel like if I don't note down, I'll forget it. But somehow, I just don't have the time. Okay, or rather somehow there is just always something else to do. But I guess you really just make time to do certain stuffs. And living and enjoying the moment at present is actually much more important than making sure you remember something. Because if something is worth remembering, you will always remember it and you don't even need photos or what not to remember.

Of course, photos are still very important and something that I'm obviously very fond of. Really do hope that my photography skills did improve a little after exchange HAHA at least I stop using Program mode and upgrade to Manual mode already WEWWW

But okay, I've really learnt quite a lot during this exchange which I'm really thankful for. And learning to be alone and enjoying my own company. Though yes, there are times when I really wish that I had someone with me. Especially the carnival at Groningen. Technically I could have gone with my housemates but 'cause I went to Italy so they went for the carnival then. A lot of times my travels resulted in me not being able to join certain activities but I guess it's okay. 'Cause yea, the travels had been amazing.

But I did think about it though. As to whether I'm missing out or not making the most out of my exchange experience. Because yea, I've been travelling a bit tad a lot and it's always with people I'm very familiar and comfortable with. And all my Singaporean friends. But I guess, every experience is different. So mine is mainly about travelling. But it's not a bad thing. And I really am enjoying it and I guess that's all that really matters. And also that I did make new friends too with my housemates and some schoolmates. So I guess that's not too bad too.

I really still miss my family and friends back in Singapore though. Though my roommate is really great and she's like an older sister to me in Groningen, I still miss my best roommate in Singapore. Especially when I needed someone to rant everything to or ask for advices. My sister really gives the best advices. I have no idea how she does it but she just does it. And my mother. I bet she miss having a driver around to drive her around instead of her having to drive everyone around. HAHA but yesss I really miss hearing her random rants about life and all that. And the father who nags over weirdest things. Which I am still very thankful about because it has became a good habit to keep.

And yes friendssss. It's really when you are alone that you realise how your friends really brighten up your days HAHA okay no lar, I knew that all along. It's just that you appreciate them more I guess? Friends who truly always have your back. And ya, Groningen is so interesting I really miss having someone to window shop random shit with. And just I don't know. But at least I found out who my travel buddies are and I honestly can't wait to take trips with them. Especially grad trip wewwww. But okay first, need to save like crazy and work. Probably gonna have to find work when I go back to Singapore if I really wanna make those trip happen. Which no, I will make them happen because I really want to ah. Sigh, why do we need money?

So yes, mega crazy thankful for my parents who are always supportive and for funding this exchange. And yes, though I travel so damn crazy lot, you guys never really scold me or say cannot or what not. Blessed with great people. Heh.

Okay, blabbing on about the same few things. I need to come up with better topics. Or at least a topic even. LOL I realise I'm really always writing whatever I think out here.

But wah, I'm honestly thinking about typing out my travel experiences properly. Not just to give to other but for myself also. But yea, I do realise also how it's important to share your experiences because I do read about other people's experiences and yea, you really gained some things from there. So it's like giving back sort of thing. A whole community of sharing experiences. But okay, that will probably take awhile so I'll see how. HAHA really too many things I wanna do after I go back Singapore and I really don't know if I'll have enough time.

Til then, I'll try to update my blog more at least heh. 

inhale, exhale

Saw this from my friend's tumblr and yes its's very apt for life. Haha! I have a feeling is she typed it out herself so credits to youuu heh

I probably might have said this before but I actually am looking forward to go back to Singapore. I'm not exactly homesick but it's just the ready to go back to do serious shit with life and everything. I think I'm really not a person who can take mega long break. Like I will feel itchy to do something real. Not that doing exchange stuffs is unreal but yea, getting back into the motion of life I guess? 'Cause yea, exchange is really a break from everything. Hence, when you study for exams and stuffs, you really have zero mood to put in a lot of effort. I kept getting distracted by many things. Like now for example. I shouldn't be posting but here I am.

Anyway, so yea, I'm not say looking forward to the craziness of life but somehow, I need that crazy? Though yes, the current life now is pretty great. Like you can sleep late, wake up late without feeling any guilt. Travel as much as you want and all. Travel, see things, take photographs. Life is very relaxing and free. I'm not complaining. It's just I guess I really miss my family. HAHA like people to go home to. 'Cause as much as this place is pretty great and nice, it's still not home. And my friendsss. Yes, I'm very thankful to have some of them who are on exchange with me as well. But it's still different though. And there are those in Singapore. Though with technology and stuffs, you can speak to them anytime you want, it's still different from being physically around them. Like I want to talk to them in person.

But yes, I know that when sch starts next sem, I'll be complaining about missing exchange and stuffs. HAHA 'cause yes, humans can never be satisfied. So right now, I should really just make the most out of my remaining 3.5 months away from home. Though yes, I need my phone soon to feel a bit more normal. Heng I have my laptop and I can never be more thankful for Telegram, Facebook, Apple and FaceTime. Wonderful creations.

And also, I need to remind myself of the things I need to "complete" before I go back to Singapore. If not, it's the same as before. LOL but okay, so far, I've learnt quite a lot from exchange which I'm really very thankful for. The experiences that I've gained were amazing. I was looking at the book that BFC gave me and all their nonsense advices. HAHA okay lar, most advices are very real and legit and yea, so far I've been living that. And yea, reading those really made me realise how I'm really very fortunate to have really amazing friends in my life. Like not just BFC. Many of my close friends. Yall know who you are lar LOL but yeaaa, I'm really blessed with very good people. So yes, thank you God for all your blessings really. Some mishaps along the way but I'm sure you have your reasons for them and yes, taking them as lessons to learn. Everything happens for a reason and I'm sure everything will work out for the best.

gone but not completely

Still my favourite photo of the Northern Lights hehe. Legit no filter. HAHA

Anyway, things have been pretty crazy. Many things that I want to share and say but I guess one thing is that I've lost my phone. Or rather, it got stolen. I don't really know what happened to it exactly but I know it's not with me. I'm not one to lose my things easily so when I do lose something, I feel extremely frustrated and annoyed with myself. Even though it might have been theft but like I'm still damn annoyed with why I let something like that happen. But yes, it's part of growing up. At least I'm safe. Nothing bad happened. It's just my phone that is gone. Just that the photos and videos I took in Iceland and part of Amsterdam/The Hague are gone too 'cause I only back up before Iceland. =\ But it's okay!! I have nicer photos in my camera anyway and there were a lot of other cameras from Iceland trip so all is good.

Seeing the silver lining in everything. I think that's one of the traits that I'm really thankful for. It's just that yea, losing something so important to me always suck. I depend quite heavily on my phone and yes, it really never crossed my mind that I might lose it one day. Like if you know me well, you know how careful I am most of the time. But yes yes, it's gone already so must move on. I guess it's weird 'cause I didn't get to cry out properly. And I realise my coping mechanism is eating and sleeping. HAHA If I'm upset or angry, I will either eat or sleep. So okay that's not too bad.

Anyway, yesss I'm fine so it's all good. So far exchange had been really great. Though it's mainly 'cause of the travelling. Heh. Iceland had been AMAZING. Driving on the Icelandic roads had made my driving skills level up like crazy. Probably times 10 better. First, it's left hand drive. Next, it's a huge ass 9 seater vehicle (I'm quite sure I may not be allowed to drive that in Singapore with my license but Iceland they chill LOL) (But it's a Mercedes Benz so heheheh we were damn lucky to have free upgrade 'cause wah this car is durable like mad). Then, I drove in the dark, through super strong winds (heng the car damn huge and steady), through fog, through rain + dark + fog, through snow, through snow + fog, up mega steep slope while there is fog +snow that I was legit damn scared but must act like I am okay and in control. Ok, I really was in control but wah that steep slope I will never forget. 'Cause my front passengers were damn scared also but they just shut up and encourage me so thanks guys for your confidence in me. HAHA hmm what else did I drive in? Up mountains and down mountains. LOL I remember that drive was mega tiring 'cause it was a consecutive 2-3 hours drive? When I got out of the car I had a headache 'cause yes it was mega tiring. But really driving level up. So WEWWWW and omg didn't know how much I missed driving. Heh and Iceland really damn shiok to road trip. And I really love road trips. 'Cause somehow there is always something to do. LOL Idk how to say but ya. And you have your own time and all.

So I really wanna road trip again. HAHA but yes, need to save up like mad. All them grad trips. Plus random stuffs. My travel kakis. But yes, this group of people I travelled with were damn fun and wonderful and nice also. And I think one of the many plus points of this trip was that I got a lot closer to my cousin again. We really used to be damn close when we were younger but somehow sch and life got in the way. But yes, I think both of us being away on exchange together and at somewhat the same area makes it a lot nicer and yea, I think my coherence level drop again but in general, it's really a nice feeling to have my cousin with me on this trip. At first I thought it would be weird but I realise, I have very great friends and cousin who are all very nice and wonderful people hence it's a lot easier to make everyone gel together.

Sigh, so many things happened during this trip that I really want to spend time typing them out and remember them. I'll try ah. Point form time HAHA but yes, after my exams which I shd be studying now. Heh. So okay, goodbye. Thank you for reading this to all you stalkers. Okay, truly thank you for wanting to know more about my life hahahah though maybe you are bored but hopefully this has entertained you. 

Experiences

Second time I'm camping at the Schipol Airport but this time alone hahaha idk what guts I have or rather, I kinda forget abt the flight timing and happily book my cheap tickets LOL but okay I guess. Very good thing about this airport is that is generally quite safe. Okay it is safe. LOL there are actually quite a lot of other people camping at the airport cause of morning flights and quite a few of them are the elderly. I have no idea why they are doing this and actually, maybe I should talk to them to find out. But okay, I'm not that extroverted. HAHA but yes, I know it's kinda safe 'cause this guy from the airport security asked to check my boarding pass because he was saying the airport is closed from 12am to 4am and only reserve for passengers. So yes, they make sure the real hobos don't loiter  around. Though it's quite sad 'cause they really have no where to go ah. 

Anyway, so yes, it's 2am now and I have a long way to go to 5.30am before I can start to enter the departure halls. But of course I'm well prepared with many things to do like reading my book and notes HAHA see, bringing books to exchange is not a bad idea at all. But yes, I should probably get on to it. And shows!! Yes that's for in case I don't have the mood to do anything that takes a toll on the mind. But somehow now I'm in the mood to read a book so wow, that's very good HAHA and reflection. Okay, that one I a bit lazy. But yea, generally exchange has been great so far. Though it feels like I'm travelling more than actually exchanging. But I guess I'm really still very grateful for the people whom I've met so far. They are all pretty great and nice. My housemates are awesome. So all's well. 

But okay, some thoughts I had the other day and hence I'll share it on here for my regular stalkers HAHA 

" I told myself that 2016 is gonna be a selfish year. But I'm still doing many things that are not selfish. They aren't selfless, they are just not selfish HAHA idk if that makes sense. But yes, I guess it's not completely a bad thing too? Being not selfish is just part of my traits. And I guess part of my best traits also. So it's really not a bad thing. But of course, cannot get taken advantage of so I'm glad for friends who don't take advantage of it and truly appreciate the gestures. Saying thank you and sorry goes a long way. Even if they are said too often, it's still better than not saying at all. I think that's why I often always say these two things. Because yes, though the other person knows you are thankful and all, saying it still makes a different. Affirmation I guess HAHA I think I'm really a person who believes in affirmation a lot. I think it's my parents ah. Forever affirm me until I think I need it too often HAHA but yes, not blaming them because I believe affirmation is important also. It doesn't need to be super crazy often but when it's necessary, do it. 

This exchange so far has given me quite a lot of lessons to learn and I'm learning quite a lot about myself and people around me. And also be more appreciative. Yes, not even two months in but I've gained quite a lot. And I think everything is really on your mindset and your view. Strong in the mind. I think I'm pretty strong hehe. Not to self praise but yes, people who know me will agree lar ah. HAHA #affirmation 

But I guess one thing that I'm still mega crazy thankful for is my parents. Because they are the ones who instill such mindset to me since young and have the biggest influence on me. My sister also. My family in general. And this whole exchange trip is also them. Like they are the ones paying for it and all and yea, it's really they who gave me this opportunity to know more about myself and all. And trust. Their faith and trust in me is so strong that I, myself will be thinking like hello parents? Y'all really cool with this. 

So yes, when I go back Singapore, I'll be a better daughter and sister to these three most important people to me in the world ❤️"

Okay, reading time 👍 and in case y'all miss my face 

one life so love what you do

I was at the train station waiting for the train when I saw the train conductor and I don't know why I have this sudden thought of how important it is to love the job that you do. Take the train conductor for instance. His job isn't exactly as fun having to go around checking people's tickets and stuffs. Maybe the pay is good but yea, even if the pay is good, I still think it's very important to love the job that you do. Finding joy in just whatever you are doing no matter how boring it can be. 

Of course, if you realise that you are truly no happy with it no matter how hard you try to love it, then maybe it's time to leave the job and find a new one. But somehow I believe that if we psych ourselves to love the job, we will eventually find the great and wonderful things about it. Yes yes, finding some positivity in a negative situation. Hahaha sometimes I really think I'm too overly positive but it truly makes you a happier person? But of course there are times when you can't help feeling pretty annoyed with yourself when you find situations where you just feel really down. 

But okay ah, good thing is that I really cannot stay sad or angry for long. Somehow it will always pass by very quickly so I guess that's a good thing. 

Anyway, once again I digress HAHA but okay I guess this job thing is pretty real 'cause I'm gonna graduate next year and entering the workforce truly scares me. You really don't know what will happen but I guess I just hope everything will fall into place somehow. But yes, I'll worry about that in due time.

Right now, Netherlands awaits hehe or rather, Europe awaits HAHA seriously very excited and yes, I'll try to blog more and update my life and give people chance to stalk. Tsk tsk.