people everywhere but it's different

sighhhhhh I miss people. Yes again. But really ba, I realise I haven't really see my friends in a long while. =\ why can't everyone I like be in the same sch as me. =\ like really just everyone. then everywhere I go, I see people I like and be happy. HAHA! Sigh. Me and my greediness. Maybe it's 'cause I'm out of touch with people for the past 2 days.

Yep, my phone. This phone, dropped into a toilet bowl. BLOODY HELL. I honestly don't even know how it actually happened. It slipped out of my freaking hands sia. Not even like from my pocket or anything. And I wasn't playing with my phone while I was peeing. =( damn sian. But ok, I think it will still be working fine. Seems quite alright to me. I hope it is though if not I'll be very very sad. And yes, it's clean 'cause I flushed the toilet already when the phone dropped in.

Anyway, I really fear for the grades for 2 modules. Though it's over, it's not good over. Yesterday, after my math paper, I really felt like crying. Yes, crying over a paper is such a primary sch thing or O levels or A levels thing but yes it really suck. Like I really ah don't know lar. It's just too screwed up. I guess the thing about maths is that once you don't know how to do, you don't know how to do. No fluff can help you because you can't fluff maths. That's why I really miss content stuffs. At least there will always be something to write. Even if it's nonsense. Maths, you can't write nonsense. Well, ok you can but you know it's confirm wrong so what's the point of it? Ok method marks. But wahhhh it really was a shitting feeling. And I didn't have my phone with me so I can't just rant out to people straightaway. Sucks sia.

But ok, food and watching one episode of Friends lifted my mood. HAHA! Probably was hungry also. And then bloody had to study for STATS right after MFE. I realise I should have just hecked MFE and put in more effort with STATS in the first place. Like at least for STATS, studying helps. But yep, too late already 'cause it's all over~~~~~ I can't even feel happy about it being over. WHY

Seriously can't wait for 2nd December. When I can totally and completely let go. And go out with people I like. Even if it's just going to someone's house to chill. And seriously, I need to see them people. Too long never see them already. =( Even talking to them feels so nice. LOL! Like deprived like that. But wahhhhhh, why is there army and university. Why can't life just stop at aft A levels and before army and university. Where everyone is available and free and happy and happy. Yea happy. Just happy. With no care in the world but to enjoy and take a good deserving break after studying our ass off for 2 years. 8 months is really not enough somehow. I don't know how but it's just not enough.

And freaking hell I really want to go overseas. Like anywhere is fine. Just away from Singapore. Or chalet. GAHHH I miss chalet. =( I want chalet. Why can't we have chalet? Sigh. But I really want to travel overseas. Just buy some random plane ticket and just go.

I really hope that one day, I'll be able to just carry a bag with a passport, a camera, some money and credit card. And just go to the airport. And buy a random plane ticket to somewhere and just go. To do that, I first have to be rich. But that's really the life. Just going overseas on random just because you feel like.

I really really hope sem 2 will be better because yea, this is quite depressing at times. And then you think about GPA and wah, you really just feel like quitting school. HAHA! Ok lar not really. I know this spot for me is really a rare one and I should really treasure it. I really hope that I am cut out for it though. Really feels like I'm of no match to it. It kinda sucks when you know that you are really the one tanking the left side of the bell curve.

I used to be on the right side of the bell curve. =\ Then again, I was competing with lesser people then. Sigh. University is really a whole different league of people. People who are really smarter and all.

Need some shopping therapy. And food therapy. Everything lar. Everything fun and nice and good and awesome. I WANT.

And ok, I think I'm feeling slightly sian 'cause I really really want a relationship like Monica and Chandler. HAHA!! I know, it's a freaking lame reason to be feeling sian about but they are really too awesome lar. And yes, it's fictional and all but they are really just so meant for each other. They are so lucky. Lol! And seeing them just makes you really want to have a relationship like theirs as well. But ok, cannot be perfectionist and stuffs. HAHA! But they are honestly really very cute. Haha! Ah well. But yes yes, it's just a thought. When the day someone comes along somewhere, somehow. I will be patient. Haha! Ok honestly, I'm really quite happy being single and stuffs. But then again, I don't know how's it like to be attached so I can't really compare. But I guess yea, when it comes, it comes. Even if it doesn't come for a long time, it will come someday ultimately? That's what I'm believing and yes, I believe that there is always a person meant for another person. That there is always a pair. And one thing good about being attached is that when you are sad and stuffs, you know that there will always be this one person who will listen to all your rants and tell you that everything is going to be alright. I mean yea, I have my family and friends to tell me that now but somehow it's kinda different I think? To know that someone is really there for you. Someone who will look after you no matter what.

But ok yes, I think my family and friends deserve great credit for cheering me up though. Lol! As in yea, I really cannot survive without them. HAHA! That's of course but yea, they are really important. So as of now, having them is actually really more than enough for me. And yes, I am happy. Just you know, sometimes you wonder and think a bit too much. Haha! Maybe age is catching up on me. HAHA!

But it really is you know. I'm going to be 20 in about 2 months time. OMG EXACTLY 2 MONTHS TIME. =( I don't even feel it anymore. Lol! Or rather, I don't even realise how fast time is passing by anymore. Soon, I'm going to graduate from SMU and start working. And woah. Too fast really.

20 huh. It sounds really old. With the 2 in front. =\ I don't want!!!! I can go back to 18. Sound sounds like a nice age. Or rather 17. Ok lar, anything below 19. 19 sounds horrible 'cause it's like not here not there.

AND OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH CATCHING FIRE!! THE OST IS SUPER GOOD. And and everyone who watched it says it's good. So yes I want to watch. =(

Alright, end of my rant. Haha! Music is really awesome. And shows. Sitcoms. Haha! Ok today shall be my slack and have fun day and I will start studying again from tmr onwards.

peng you men

This is completely random post but I just suddenly thought of it so yes. HAHA

I realise that friends are my CCAs. HAHA! It's a super random thought but yea. Just that for them, I won't ever dread going CCAs ah. Haha! And there is not just one group but all my friends. Like I will make time for them sort of thing? Ok maybe not all my friends lar. Whoever that asked me out or whoever I asked out. HAHA!

And ok, I think I'm able to do this because I'm not attached all. HAHA! Like for the attached pple, their CCA is their boyfriends or girlfriends. So yeaaaaaa I kinda like it that I get to see more pple instead of just seeing one person often. HAHA! Okok, both have it's pros and cons. 

This is super random thought. HAHA! I think 'cause I'm considering to be more active with CCAs next sem if I can. Like real CCAs in sch. Haha! But yea I don't know if I'll have time though. And I want OCSP. =/ and yes, need to really be a lot more hardworking next sem also. 

Anyway, yea, I realise friends are very impt to me. HAHA! As in yea, family also ah. Family is always the support system. Haha! And ya! My parents and their Australia plans. HAHA! Both of them super joke 'cause they individually came up to me to tell me this year most likely cannot go Australia. HAHA! I didn't even remember them promising but ok. LOL! My dad has been promising Australia since when I wanted to go badly in primary 4? That's abt 9 years ago. HAHA! My parents suck. =D but Okok, I think they miss us travelling as a family. Been very long since we went overseas together. Malaysia not included. Haha! Next year summer break!!!!! =D now I get why pple look forward to summer break in uni. Because it's really crazy long. And yes, I'm going to try saving up so that I can go overseas~

Anyway, so yes, friends are important in my life. HAHA! I really hope that yea, they will still be awesome and all. Haha! As in yea, after everyone gets attached, things will be different but ok still hope that I can see them? Ok lar, I think shouldn't be a problem. Haha! They are your friends after all ma. Quite exicted to see everyone attach though. Hehe. 

Ok! I think I really am too naggy and need to type a lot. Lol! Lately my Instagrams have been essay-ish comments 'cause too long never blog already. So yesss, blog is still my best place 'cause I can write whatever nonsense I want since not much pple know abt this space. =D just those usual stalkers. HAHA! 

December December!!!! When I can finally see everyone I want to see. =D 

first 100m in this 800m race

So yes!! Almost done with my first 100m race in uni. Haha! Just left finals to conquer. And yes, it's scary. Very very scary. I have about 1 week to understand and apply and remember math. So yep. That's quite scary. Sigh. I really don't know how I'll fair in the finals but I guess I'll just hope to do my best. And yes, first sem. Learn from it and make sure that I don't slack away my other 7 semester of uni again. I NEED TO UP MY GAME!!!!!

Anyway, let's not talk about that anymore. Haha! So yep!! My 3 modules that has group projects~ I think yes, I'm really pretty lucky to have met these really awesome people as groupmates. I really hope that somehow we'll still be able to keep in touch in a way? Haha! But yea lar, I know that after awhile, they will really just be you hi-bye friends.

But ok, I really hope my BGS group won't. HAHA! They really full of nonsense but super fun group. Do so many stupid stuffs together and sometimes I really wonder if we are really doing project or not. HAHA! All them late nights. Love people who can drive. =D But ok, I WANT TO DRIVE TOO. =( Sigh. How cool lar. To be able to drive out your friends. Haha! Ok one year!! Or maybe sooner. Just yea, need to get my parents to trust me with the car.

Anyway, yea, so this is my BGS group. HAHA! (BGS is the module called Business, Government and Society, which is a completely useless uni core mod but let's not discuss about how useless it is.) Survived this module because of these awesome pple. Yes, Sim is in this group too. HAHA! Crazy how we got pre-assigned into the same module. DAMN BLOODY SCARY. But ok, so thankful to have her around. To be anal and perfectionist. Heh. But yea, the other 3 of them also!! So happy that I've got to know them. =D It's funny how the 3 of them are older than Feli and me but sometimes, they really don't feel like they are older. HAHA! Like sometimes I'll really forget that they all older. Too nonsense already they all. But yea, they really made me laughed like crazy in class and outside. All the funny and stupid stuffs they say in class and out. They are just sigh, really awesome pple lar. HAHA! Probably my first group of closer uni friends. How we can totally just annoy each other without feeling bad. Haha! Same frequency~ Heh. And I think we are really hazards in class. HAHA! Probably most of our classmates hate us for being so noisy in class but whatever lar. Heh.

Meetings until 11pm, 12am, 1am, 3am. HAHA! I think we are quite hardcore but actually, it's becuase we are quite unproductive ah. LOL! Our meetings usually start about 1-2 hours later 'cause we will have buffer time for nonsense before we finally start work. But eh, when we start work, we really start work and do stuffs very quickly. So I think we aren't all that bad. =D And midnight movie and supper~ Ok lar, I really hope that I'll still get to meet up with them from time to time. =)

And I like our prof!! Haha! He really very nice and super sincere and hardworking. And he really likes our class a lot somehow. LOL! I realise the thing about lessons now is that usually you will only hang out with your groupmates and won't really talk much to other people. Lol! Since you only have lessons once a week in a spam of 13 weeks so that's just 13 lessons. But oh well, groupmates are enough to last you through~ 

LTB Group! Haha! Leadership and Teambuilding. Yep, another quite annoying uni core modules. But ok lar, I do learn some things from the lessons. Our prof is really not bad lar. I like her. Haha! She's really quite sincere and can tell she really wants to help us. And she's quite slack to be honest. Haha! So yea! Quite glad that I did bid for her and get her even though she was quite an expensive prof to bid.

And yes!! Group is pre-assigned and I'm super lucky to get into the same group as Angie. Lol! Like at least there is a familiar person in the group? Even though I never really work with Angie before but Fuhua people ah. Haha! Confirm will have the familar-ish feeling. =D

But yea! Ok lar, I really like my groupmates for LTB also. They are all very nice people. Just that yea, I think 8 people is kinda too big already. =\ But it's ok!! We learned from mistakes and stuffs. Towards the end of our deadline, there was quite a lot of tension in the group ah. But ok ba!! No hard feelings in the end!! And yea, they are really nice people ba!! Good to know more people. HAHA!

Creative Thinking group!!! YESSSS It's another useless university core module again!! Lol! Not that I have anything against university core mods, they are honestly quite useless and burden. So yea lor. =\ But ok, so so so glad that they are my groupmates lar!!! My class for CT is really quite scary. Like out of all people in the class, I'm so glad that they are my groupmates. Ok for BGS and LTB also lar. Haha! Just that for CT, really got some scary people in the class. Lol! And the guys are all year 2s!! So they are super seasoned and good. In presentation-wise especially. They really saved our presentation lar. Haha!

And yea, though ok, there are times when it's quite frustrating when everyone doesn't reply on whatsapp. Lol! But ok lar, ultimately, they are still really pretty awesome group mates. =D It's really sad though when we had our last lesson of the sem. 'Cause yea, you know that it will really most likely be the last time we meet up since the guys are year 2s and the girls are year 1s. Lol! And different faculities. But yep!! At least I had a good time working with them. Really hope that we'll all get good grades for this module!!! =D

So these are all my project work group mates for my first semester in university~ Haha! I'm really honestly quite thankful and grateful that they are my groupmates and yes, won't trade them for any other group mates. Haha! And yea, my friend was saying that they how fate is so cool. Like how we all decided to sit at this place during our first lesson of the semester because usually you group with people sitting around you. And yea, just how it all worked out so well. Sigh. I don't want to change class and change groups. =( They are really quite awesome people.

But anyway, as you can see, there are 2 modules with Feli Sim for this semester. HAHA! One is pure luck and the other is we bid together so not our fault ah. But next sem I won't have any modules with her already. =( HAHA! Ok lar, must take a break from each other. =D But yes, next semester, I think somehow I'm really just crazy lucky 'cause for another pre-assigned module, I'm in the same class as Swap. HAHAHA! It's damn cool lar. I don't even know how's that possible but it just is lor. =D And yes!! You can choose your groupmates. =D

And anyway, next semester I have 2 modules with Jiesi also~ Though no more modules with Lingli. =( Really very hard to fit everyone schedule. Even Jiesi and I already have a problem fitting just two of our schedules. And that's why both our timetables look very very weird. But whatever lar, at least we have each other to whine and complain about everything to. And yes, help each other and mug together. Important ah. Though we are both of similar compentency level. HAHA! But ok lar, it's still better than going to modules alone. =D But I'm going for 2 modules alone for next semester. =( Or rather, I haven't found anyone who is in the same class as me yet. Haha! Maybe I'll be lucky again. But ok, I have to learn to be alone for lessons sometimes lar. Lol! If not I'll get used to having at least a friend with me and end up not making friends. But actually, usually, I really do still make friends with other people! So ok, shouldn't be a problem. Haha!

Anyway, to be true, I'm quite looking forward to the next semester because I'll finally be learning about ECONOMICS. The course that I applied for. Haha! Ok yes yes, now what I'm learning is to build the foundation and all but I'm sigh, really tired of not getting it. =\ BUT OK!! NEXT FEW DAYS UNTIL THE FINALS!! ALL THE WAY ALREADY!!

And yea, I know it's quite strange how we know our timetable for the next semester and already bidded for our classes before the semester ends. But yes, that's how SMU works. HAHA! Different uni all.

But ok, in all honestly, I think I'm quite glad that I'm in SMU? Like thinking about it, I guess I'm really thankful to NUS and NTU in a way for rejecting me. HAHA! And yes, of course SMU for accepting me and seeing some sort of potential in me. And yes!! I WILL MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT.

Okok time to sleep!! Study date with my lovely stalker friends tmr~ HAHA!

what goes around

I want to be overseas and watching concerts and having a fun life now.

This uni life, I'm really not sure if I'm cut out for it. I think I'm feeling this feeling now because I realised how much behind I'm in with Maths. Both my Maths modules. 2 modules I can see myself screwing them up badly. I think I was too reliant on my math pro friends. HAHA! That they will always be there to SOS me when I need help. I know they will still help me if I need them but they may not be able to help me since they aren't learning what I'm learning. 

I guess ok, I just miss having friends. Haha! As sad as it sounds. I do have friends in sch lar. Just that you know, those familiar faces you've seen regularly in sch. They aren't there anymore. Some are but not a lot. And ok, yes me being greedy all. But honestly, sch is strangely too big. I really don't see a lot of pple in sch. I should be lucky that those I want to see more, I can just easily pick up my phone and call them. Heh. So ok, I shouldn't complain so much but still. =/ 

I think I really got used to seeing pple around. In AC, so many Fuhua pple went there. So you really get to see familiarity amidst the crowd. But now, it's really quite hard. Different I guess. I know yes. It's freaking hell the end of sem 1 and I'm still missing pple. Haha! But ok missing pple will always be there lar. Just gah, hate it that everyone is busy and hard to meet up. My happy pills. I need my happy pills 

Ok, I blame my current weird mood on stupid Maths. It really has its way to ruin your mood altogether. And of course projects too. Sigh. Hate it that when you make plans and have to change it because of stupid projects. Like just go away man. Don't touch my weekends. But ok, there is no other time but weekends. 

Suck it up, Yi Fang. It's only Year 1 Semester 1. Not even the end of it. You got to have a lot more strength to finish the next 3 and a half more years.  

what if

Somtimes, the "what if"s will just pop up in your head. And at times, you allow yourself to continue thinking about it but at times, you will stop yourself at what if because you are scared to think that you might have missed out on something great.

I guess the thing about "what if" is that we will never know. We will never know what will actually happen if it did happen. Because the fact is that it didn't happen this way. So I guess, yea, maybe it is all a blessing in disguise. Sometimes, I really hope that I am really right that it's a blessing in a disguise. I do think it is but yea, there are times when you can't help feeling that "Hey, you might have really missed your chance."

But maybe it wasn't the chance for you to take. Maybe it really just isn't supposed to be like that. That God has other plans for you and doesn't want you to be lead that way. Maybe if "what if" actually happened, things become worse and I'm probably better with having the "what if" to remain as "what if". HAHA! I feel like I'm saying a lot of what ifs.

Everything happens for a reason. One way or another. I guess what I should do is really just trust in God. That He has greater plans for me. And yea, just trust in Him and know that it is the way. And give in your best in what you do. Because yea, as much as faith can take you places, you yourself should work hard to. God doesn't help someone who doesn't try. Same goes to life, same goes to everyone else around you. People will only help you if you try. If you just sit there and wait for things to happen, it won't happen and things won't happen.

And I guess God will lead you to it when you try. Givng your best shot in everything. That's what that matter I guess.

I guess "what if" allows you to just see yourself in another angle and yea, maybe it really just isn't what your life was supposed to be. There is a reason why you didn't do things this way and yes, I believe it is for the better. Things may not seem to be for the better at times but I guess it will be ulitmately. Begin with the end in mind. Haha! But yes, of course, enjoying the process as well. Because yes, life is about enjoying every single bit of it too.