wake up.

Disappointment. It is one of the worst feeling anyone can feel. It sucks more when you are the one that you are disappointed with. And when you are the one that people are disappointed about.

I am waking up. I hope I am. I just know that yea, I really need to get back on track. Towards the direction of A levels. I didn't realise how lost I was. Only until aft getting back all those shit results. I think this are really my worst grades ever. As in for an exam kinda thing. I used to be consistent in secondary school. And I know I must get back on getting good grades, not just passing grades.

If I don't want to see the disappointment from my mum's and dad's faces, I really need to work double hard. And just pause all the going-out and celebration of birthdays. It really sucks though, 'cause you really want to do something special for these friends. But I know that I really have to concentrate and focus, even though there seems to be a long way until the next exam but I really must stop thinking that way 'cause I'll end up wasting my time again. Think far, think A levels and work hard. Just yea, focus for these next few months, until As is over. When it's over, then you can just do everything you want to do. And your parents won't stop you too. They won't be disappointed.

I really don't want to see the disappointment on their face. I kinda forgot how guilty it feels when you see the disappointment on your parents' faces. Yes, I don't want to see that anymore. I want to see them being proud of me. But yes, I'm working hard not only for my parents, but more so for myself. I know that I am able to get way better grades than the ones I have now. All I need is to work hard, stop being lazy and give in my best in my studies. This cannot be a repeat of PSLE. Even though it was ages ago, I knew that I really slacked during PSLE. Yet the difference is that I could afford to do badly for PSLE and still end up in somewhere decent. But if I do badly for A Levels, I'm pretty much screwed. So please Yi Fang, keep focus and don't lose track. You know you can do it. Just stay firm and give in everything that you've got.

I'm really sorry to my friends if I can't celebrate your birthday for you even though you guys did wonderful stuffs for me on my birthday. It's really my fault 'cause if I had studied harder, if I was more consistent, I wouldn't be in this huge mess with my studies. I'll make up to you all! I can still make cards and all. Just that in secret. Haha! It sounds so sad. But yes, I can still go out, just not as often. And actually, I think I really shouldn't go out so often. Like my physical geog teacher said, stop all the social life until after A Levels. It's going to suck but yea, if you can't balance both, you just have to let go of one first. But of course, if studying in groups helps, heh. =D

YES!!!! I CAN DO THIS!!! This year will be over before I know it. And my first A level grade will be out on Monday. Sigh, it's to the point where I don't really know what to think about it anymore. I just really hope that my efforts weren't wasted. Yes!!! I will get my A grade. Just keep thinking A. =)