just breathe

[ If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me ]

Stand By Me - Ben E. King

HAHA! Wanted to put another song but this song was suddenly playing on my playlist and I just had to put this one. Heh. Doesn't it bring back awesome memories my awesome friends? HAHA! For the record, I think it's still the coolest thing you guys did for prom! And yes! The best performance even though I didn't see it live. Heh. Proud of you all for having the guts to do it~

Anyway, realised I never talked about Prelims yet but I realise I should 'cause this Prelims really was the toughest examinations I had taken in my 12 years of schooling. Yes, it's worse than O levels a lot more. I think mainly 'cause I was really very very unprepared for this. And this exam happens to be the last official exams we have before the big A levels.

And this exams made me realise how important my parents are. Both of them went to China from 21st Aug to 30th Aug. The day before I start my prelims until the day after my prelims ended. Haha! How awesome right?  But yea lar, my mum felt super bad when she realised it and wanted to not go but I told her it's ok and anyway, they went for work stuffs too. But ahh, I realise I was wrong man. I thought I could make it without them around but I realise I really needed them. Just having them around feels better. Yes, I didn't realise I was that dependent on my parents. Haha! I mean if they went overseas during other periods and not during exam periods, I'm fine. But during exam periods, I really need them around!! But yea lar, my mum promised me that she will be around for A levels. Heh. Lol! I'm such a dependent kid! I know I have to be more independent but I really need them around. And I think also with my sis going to work and all, I don't see her around. So it's like going home to an empty house everyday for those 2 weeks. And it was prelims too. But a good thing is that now I will appreciative my parents a lot more. =D

This prelims, really was the worse exams I ever did? I was unprepared, I didn't know a lot of things, I couldn't finish studying, I got sick of studying, I felt like vomiting out all the info from cramming Geog at the last minute. I really felt damn gross out the day before geog exams. Like I really was so sick of geog. Not having enough time. Yes, it's all my fault that I was so unprepared for prelims. I know it too. But I guess one thing good from going through Prelims was that at least now I know how tough it would be like. And how I must really really really really really really really prepare everything way before hand. If I try to cram again, I should kill myself.

I hope it's not too late though. Just that I must really make use of the remaining days I'm left with. 60 days. It's really so much different from O levels. Somehow, O levels, even though prelims wasn't that great, I could at least passed all my subjects. Failing wasn't even in my mind. It was about getting As and Bs. Now, I'm still just hoping for a pass. It's really that bad. I don't really know what happened to my studies after I came to JC. It's quite scary actually. Like I thought I wasn't that bad until this year. Up til now, I realise I have never gotten an A for any exams before. For any subjects. It's that bad. I really have a lot of catching up to do now. YES! 60 days!! I will make full use of my time well. Sleep lesser. But please get enough rest and don't overwork yourself. My sis kept telling me to not get burned out because it's true. If I get burned out now, I'm screwed for A levels.

I should share the 2 horrible weeks of Prelims actually. Haha! Ok, for me to remember this horrible exam period and never to feel like that again. So first day was GP. I realise the importance of my mum fetching us to school. =( Somehow, I'll feel much more calmed down when she fetches us to school. There really is a difference somehow. Ok, I'm pampered but it's just during exams! And when I wake up late for school. Heh.

Anyway, so GP was horrible. My worst essay I ever did in these 2 years, including all the class assignments and stuffs. Yes, it was that bad. What made it worse was that I have tuition for GP. So if I do badly for GP, I'm wasting my parents' money, I'm wasting my tutor's time, I'm wasting his efforts, I'm wasting my own time as well. So yes, I really really need to buck up on it. I think maybe because it was the first exams for prelims? I just had mind block or something. And I think I chose the wrong question. Screwed in so many ways but whatever, I shouldn't dwell on it now.

Math paper 1. Aha. It was the most ridiculous paper I ever did that I don't even felt sad about it. I was just appalled and whatever already. I think the teachers invigilating would actually be entertained by all the faces on the students during the paper. It was like beyond horrible. After the exam, Swap was telling that it was the most depressing paper she ever did since PSLE Math. HAHA! Ok, the PSLE Math cracked me up but I get the depressing part. Just that I felt numb and all already so I'm like ok, forget it. And the worst part was that we still had Econs paper 1 in the aftnoon. Eunice, YL, Lingli, Joyce and I went from pool cafe to canteen to Broadway 'cause we just didn't have the mood to stay in sch to eat after that horrible Math paper. Yes, we needed a break from school. Haha!

Econ paper 1 wasn't that bad I guess? Like can still survive I guess but I don't think I'll do well 'cause my case studies are usually quite bad. Yes, I really need to practice that more. Stayed out to study History after that 'cause I knew that I would have slept if I reached home and feel even more horrible after I wake up.

Studying outside wasn't the best idea 'cause somehow, the walk home from EAC made me feel lost and sad. LOL! Ok, it wasn't a nice feeling but ok, it's over so let it be. I guess I just felt really super stressed up then? But ah, I love my mum. She called back and somehow she could figure out that I was stressed (the wonders mothers do) and told me to relax and told me what to do to keep calm. Haha! Quite scary 'cause I was really feeling extremely stressed out then. So yes, mothers really have the ability to know when their child is sad and stuffs.

So ok actually after History, I felt so very relieved already somehow. I guess 'cause there were only 3 more papers left before it was Sept hols. And then came Lee Seung Gi's fan meet! Haha! Really must thank Kamin. That week was really horrible but after going for the fan meet, my mood really got left up. I don't think it's entirely 'cause of Lee Seunggi? LOL! I'm not that crazy. But just how I could relax for the 2 hours plus and just take a break from all that studying. So yes, thankyou Kamin! Without those tickets, I may not have made it through the 2nd week of prelims. Haha! Ok, not that extreme but you get what I mean.

So yep, Math paper 2. It was alright I guess? But I don't think I'll do well for it either. Just that I could maybe pass it, just that passing it wouldn't be enough to let me pass my overall math since paper 1 was so horrible.

Had a day break before Geog paper 1 and lol, that day was rather productive initially. I went to the Senja Cashew CC top level to study. That place is quite stuffy but really quiet. So I completed quite a lot of stuffs while I was there. But that place was really stuffy shit. It wasn't hot but there really was no air. They should either open up the windows or install an air con. -_-

Went to Mac to meet Feli for lunch. She was supposed to meet me to study in the morn but of course, cannot count on her to wake up early. Heh. Ok, sometimes she can but it depends. So anyway, Faeqa came over to find us after that. She just had her Geog paper 1 in school. Haha! But I swear, she's damn pro. Lol! As in really. Somehow she really can study geog. LOL! So anyway, tried to study at Mac but it was getting noisy so we decided to go EAC instead. And ya! Faeqa was evidently bored from watching us study. Haha! I wasn't that distracted by her though.

So yep, on the way to EAC we saw Swap and dragged her to EAC as well. Wrong choice. HAHA! This woman talks a lot I swear. Lol! Ok, I think she wasn't really in the mood also and she can't help it since there are pple there. Lol! Forever one lar she. But ok, though we kinda ended up talking for awhile, I had a great laugh with them. HAHA! About potential marriages and nonsense. They can make me laugh mad at times. But yes, studying with them can be super horrible at times. When they aren't in the mood, they aren't in the mood and they will make you not have the mood too. Lol! Horrible pple.

When I reached home, I kinda felt a bit stressed out I guess. 'cause there were so much stuffs left but so freaking little time left to study and stuffs. But I decided to just keep calm and do whatever I can even though it may not be enough. So yep, for Geog Paper 1, which was physical geog, I kinda just smoked my way through. It wasn't great but it wasn't that bad? Just that I really don't think I'll do well for it. And somehow, 3 hours isn't that long after all. Lol! I have a lot of 3 hours papers but they are all not enough man. I really need to manage my time well.

After geog, I did a stupid thing by staying out to study. Lol. I should have went home to sleep first lar 'cause after geog, I really felt so burned out. My face and body really felt hot and really tired. Yes, the scary thing that geog can do to you. But I still tried studying a bit of econs before I went home at EAC. Felt super restless after awhile and plug on earpiece. Still felt restless so I decided to go home. But ok, I managed to read quite a few stuffs so not that bad. And wah, that was like the longest journey back home from EAC. I was really dragging my body and I really could sleep at any given moment if I just stop and lie by the roadside. LOL! But yes, luckily I have nonsense pple to entertain me on 6h whatsapp. =D Haha! Yes, talking to these nonsense pple made me feel better. And Jinghan is damn nice lar! He happened to be at the Gate 3 bus stop while I was walking home so he waited for me to walk until there and pei me walk back to my block. Haha! Saved me from falling asleep while walking. =D But yes!! He is an awesome friend~ Haha!

So econs day! Met Eunice and YL at Fusionopolis to study in the morning! I kinda woke up late but oh well. Heh. Came and hour later but yep, went to study straight away. Ok not exactly but almost. YL and I tried the Cool Lime drink and ok, it doesn't taste great. So yes, luckily we shared the drink. Studied with Jiayu and Diandra too! Had lunch and walked back to school. Econs paper 2 wasn't that bad. Just that I really suck at micro economics so that's kinda a bit of a problem there. I really need to study harder for it. It's really quite bad. My concepts for mircro economics and stuffs.

HAHA! Whoever that actually went to read every single word of this post, I'm proud of you man. I think it's one of the most boring posts. Haha! I'm really just rambling and ranting away. But I really need to ba. To remind myself to prepare way more and work way harder for A levels. If I do this for A levels, I really cannot get anywhere and that will be super horrible.

Yes, I'm going to be a mugger from now onwards! Ok, I'll strive to be one. Ok, I kinda want to be a mugger now. I don't care of pple say me no life and all 'cause really, just for these 3 more months of no life, I think it will be worth it. After all these ends, YES~!!! Haha!

Breathe. Such a simple and obvious thing but I needed to remind myself to breathe during the 1st week of prelims. It did help me through though I guess. Yes, just breathe. It really helps  to calm your nerves and continue on without giving up.

And yes, I realise too that I have really great and awesome pple who will be supporting me all the way. Not all of them may be around me often, but I know that they will always be supporting and they will be there for me if I need them. Yes, I realise I'm really lucky to have met these really awesome friends. These people will always have faith in me even when I don't have faith in myself. Thank you for being here for me during this tough period of time. And yes!! Reading all the grad letters in sec 4 and birthday cards and letters really gives me the strength to continue to fight this race. And of course my family. The random small encouragements they give me daily. Yes, I think that was what I was lacking for those 2 weeks of prelims. =) Thank you my family and friends for standing by me. Haha!

This final lap, I'm prepared to give it my fullest and best fight.