what goes around

I want to be overseas and watching concerts and having a fun life now.

This uni life, I'm really not sure if I'm cut out for it. I think I'm feeling this feeling now because I realised how much behind I'm in with Maths. Both my Maths modules. 2 modules I can see myself screwing them up badly. I think I was too reliant on my math pro friends. HAHA! That they will always be there to SOS me when I need help. I know they will still help me if I need them but they may not be able to help me since they aren't learning what I'm learning. 

I guess ok, I just miss having friends. Haha! As sad as it sounds. I do have friends in sch lar. Just that you know, those familiar faces you've seen regularly in sch. They aren't there anymore. Some are but not a lot. And ok, yes me being greedy all. But honestly, sch is strangely too big. I really don't see a lot of pple in sch. I should be lucky that those I want to see more, I can just easily pick up my phone and call them. Heh. So ok, I shouldn't complain so much but still. =/ 

I think I really got used to seeing pple around. In AC, so many Fuhua pple went there. So you really get to see familiarity amidst the crowd. But now, it's really quite hard. Different I guess. I know yes. It's freaking hell the end of sem 1 and I'm still missing pple. Haha! But ok missing pple will always be there lar. Just gah, hate it that everyone is busy and hard to meet up. My happy pills. I need my happy pills 

Ok, I blame my current weird mood on stupid Maths. It really has its way to ruin your mood altogether. And of course projects too. Sigh. Hate it that when you make plans and have to change it because of stupid projects. Like just go away man. Don't touch my weekends. But ok, there is no other time but weekends. 

Suck it up, Yi Fang. It's only Year 1 Semester 1. Not even the end of it. You got to have a lot more strength to finish the next 3 and a half more years.  

what if

Somtimes, the "what if"s will just pop up in your head. And at times, you allow yourself to continue thinking about it but at times, you will stop yourself at what if because you are scared to think that you might have missed out on something great.

I guess the thing about "what if" is that we will never know. We will never know what will actually happen if it did happen. Because the fact is that it didn't happen this way. So I guess, yea, maybe it is all a blessing in disguise. Sometimes, I really hope that I am really right that it's a blessing in a disguise. I do think it is but yea, there are times when you can't help feeling that "Hey, you might have really missed your chance."

But maybe it wasn't the chance for you to take. Maybe it really just isn't supposed to be like that. That God has other plans for you and doesn't want you to be lead that way. Maybe if "what if" actually happened, things become worse and I'm probably better with having the "what if" to remain as "what if". HAHA! I feel like I'm saying a lot of what ifs.

Everything happens for a reason. One way or another. I guess what I should do is really just trust in God. That He has greater plans for me. And yea, just trust in Him and know that it is the way. And give in your best in what you do. Because yea, as much as faith can take you places, you yourself should work hard to. God doesn't help someone who doesn't try. Same goes to life, same goes to everyone else around you. People will only help you if you try. If you just sit there and wait for things to happen, it won't happen and things won't happen.

And I guess God will lead you to it when you try. Givng your best shot in everything. That's what that matter I guess.

I guess "what if" allows you to just see yourself in another angle and yea, maybe it really just isn't what your life was supposed to be. There is a reason why you didn't do things this way and yes, I believe it is for the better. Things may not seem to be for the better at times but I guess it will be ulitmately. Begin with the end in mind. Haha! But yes, of course, enjoying the process as well. Because yes, life is about enjoying every single bit of it too.

we'll run riots

I really really really really really want to go to a Coldplay concert. Seriously a MUST DO thing in my very long wishlist. They are just amazing. Watching them perform live through videos already make me feel the goosebumps and stuffs. I really want to feel it when they perform live. Even if you stand quite far away and can barely see them. And sing to their songs because I  know the lyrics to most of them. =D

And they also say how they want their fans to know their songs and they like to hear their fans singing their songs with them as well. Shit sia. I'm really feeling the goosebumps now watching them perform "Fix You" live. THEY ARE DAMN GOOD.

I don't even mind going over to find them. OHHHHH I should go for exchange in Europe. Heh. Or US. Ok US better 'cause there are many more pple there. Like Justin Timberlake and Kelly Clarkson. Haha! That is if they are having concerts when I go for exchange. That is if I can go for exchange in the first place. LOL! Ok lar, I really want. Like I really made up my mind that I really want to go for exchange. Just erm, need to work harder I guess. HAHA!

Sigh I really hope my sem 1 grades will be alright. Really quite scary to see how it all goes. And yes, must really work a lot harder. Though wah, these week has ben crazy. Meeting until 3am. HAHA! But ok, I like my groupmates so I don't mind. They are really super unique pple. LOL! Crazy funny lar. But yay!! I like pple I can click with. Haha! But yes 3 freaking am. Damn hiong right?

Anyway, quicke post 'cause I didn't want to spam my Twitter with a whole lot of "I WANT TO GO TO A COLDPLAY CONCERT" tweets. HAHA! Yes, I'm using Twitter slightly more frequently now 'cause blogging takes up a lot of time. LOl! But ok, it's still my favourite social media out of all. Though ok, blogging isn't exactly social media since it's more of an online journal. Lol!

Ok I'll do a proper post when I can finally breathe next time. But ok, so far life isn't very happening. But not too bad too. Just that I still miss them old friends as usual. Haha! But really no time so it's very sad.

And I really want to go concerts too. It's crazy addictive.

overwhelming

Overwhelmed. This life is so overwhelming omg. Projects are crazy when you feel like you are going in a very wrong direction but you still have to continue on. But omg, it's damn scary to continue a project when you can foresee how it will go.

And yes how all the deadlines and presentations and shits come together at the same time.

And yes, I need to complain about interview transcripts but that I shall save for next time because this is a quick and incoherent post because yes, I just need to type out somewhere.

How the hell man. Time, it's damn scary. But the thing is, not say I really slack a lot this week? But ok, probably this overwhelming is backlash from my slacking last week. Bitch sia. You can never slack in university anymore is it? =\

My Modern Family and How I Met Your Mother. =( Even though it's 20mins, somehow it's even that hard to find 20mins to watch them.

And Running Man. I want to watch many episodes since don't know when. And Okok, I honestly shouldn't complain about such trivial matter because yes, they are just shows.

The more annoying part I guess is having a life and meeting friends. Though alright, I think I'm doing okay. Just that from today on, it's really crazy damn hard to meet up already. Because I realise how hectic the next few weeks is going to be.

This week is Week 9. Projects, assignments and presentations will all be gone and final after Week 13. So for the next 4 weeks, it will be hell. And ok, I shouldn't have a life now because I should just treat this like exam period when I don't have a life. But it's all projects. =\ It makes you want to have  a life 'cause it's not like hardcore mugging? I don't know lar. I guess it's something I have to get used to .

And ya, so week 13 that it for projects right? Week 14 is study leave and Week 15 and 16 are exams week.

AND THEN 2ND DECEMBER. Seriously looking forward to the one month December break. When I get back my life for at least one month. Then comes Year 1 Sem 2. So strange you know, it's like not even end of year 1 sem 1 and I'm complaining like crazy. And it's not just me lar. I hope we are all feeling this because it's the first year of uni. Where things is just hard to adapt to 'cause all new environment all. I really hope that's the case because 4 years of such stuffs is no joke, really. I really really hope that it's just year 1 and things will get better in year 2 onwards?

And yes, I come to a conclusion that I really want to go for an exchange. So ok, I need to really work hard to earn it though. But yes, I really want and I shall just try my best to get it. And I have to figure out how to go about this uni life too also. As in yea. Like understand stuffs. Read stuffs that I was supposed to read before I entered but I didn't. And plan my 4 years because yes, I realise you really do need to plan ahead of time. No more taking a day as it goes. As in you can lar, but then you will end up not getting a lot of things done in the 4 years of uni life. So yep, for my first sem, I'll just get by. Then December I'll figure it all out slowly.

And ahh I realise how there are many things I want to do. Going overseas with friends all. And with family. Everything seems so easy when you just say only. But when you just say only, it honestly does seem possible. And I really want it to happen. But yes, slowly I'm realising the difficulty of it. But I still want. Especially going overseas with the bunch of kids who we had made a promise with each other to go overseas in Sec 4 but never did. LOL! Ok lar, we didn't exactly promise but we did mention it and thought it was possible.

But yes, I realise it's going to be hard. But I really still want. And and ok lar, it honestly is possible. Just have to wait for them guys to ORD.

OK lar you know what, I want to travel with many groups of pple so heck it. Lol! As in not heck it but yes!!! I'M NOT TALKING SENSE ANYMORE. I just want to have a life of having fun forever more. =\ Need to find myself a rich husband so I can just leech off him and lead a happy life. Haha! Ok lar, kidding honestly. Can't imagine myself living a life like that. Too damn free already. I'm not one who can just sit and do nothing.

Ok I think I need to stop typing. I guess I just want to say that yes, few more weeks man. Just a few more weeks and life will be better. And I can have my cycling, my kbox, my movies, my random nonsense meet ups or outings or whatever shit lar. My family and my friends. My life. Without university. 

we'll find better days

Watching this clip really breaks my heart. Like you can see all the emotions are real. It's not even acting. And you can really hear her voice breaking as she sang this. Ahhh. Gone too soon really. But she's really so strong. Even though I don't really follow the series anymore, I really like them together and ah, it's really very sad.

Sigh. My mood is so weird lar. I'm really upset that I can't get to drive the car next week even though my parents aren't going to be in Singapore. 'Cause we changed car form the normal one to the bigger 7 seaters one which I haven't drive before. My sister said that it's really a lot harder to drive. And yes, I asked my parents if I can drive, they really say no. And ok lar, I'm not sure if I dare to drive that big big car also. =\ DAMN SAD. It's like rare chance for both of them to be overseas and with the car in Singapore. Usually, they drive the car up to Malaysia if they go overseas together. I feel like such a brat. HAHA! But wahhhh really ah. =\ Having driving license is so that you can drive home when there isn't any bus service and stuffs.

But what's scaring me is that I'm really sad about not being able to drive. Lol! It's damn stupid reason to be sad all but I really am. =\ I think 'cause I was really excited to drive the car out on my own FINALLY after getting my license since about 4months ago. =\ It's like I've been telling my friends that I want to fetch them around all since forever but never got to. =\ Ok yes, me and my boasting. Lol! But it's really fun to drive around and stuffs. WHOLE POINT OF ME LEARNING DRIVING. Ok lar, not exactly whole point. Lol! Share the burden of driving with my parents and sister. And also family road trip to Malaysia~

Just that yea, I realised how as being the youngest, it's really different? How they really see you as less stable and stuffs somehow. Okok, to be honest, my parents have been very awesome already lar. They actually let me drive up to Malaysia customs on my first ever drive after getting my license. I know I shouldn't complain but I still can't help feeling sad. I guess 'cause they really let me drive only when they are around.

And ok, I think 'cause if it was the smaller car, they will still let me drive on my own. But because it's the huge big car that I never drive before. Different I guess. But really, you guys got to have more faith in me. =\ Ok lar, lol! My parents not say don't have faith in me. It's just safety all. BUT STILL.

Whoever that actually read this post please don't hate me. It's really just me ranting.  And going rounds and rounds because it's impossible to really be sian with my parents when I know that they really didn't purposely do all these. =\ But then I'm still sad so gah. Sucks lar. I really blame my weird strange mood on my period.

And also Glee's Cory Monteith episode. Ah. Really no mood to do work already. Okok, tmr shall be a super productive day somehow. This recess week is kinda helpful in ways that at least I've sort of enjoyed it in some ways? But I feel guilty for not working harder? I think it's going to have a backlash for the next few weeks and I can feel that it's going to be hell. So yes, I don't want but I can't do anything about it.

And yep, "Welcome to uni" as many year 2 seniors told us. =\ Like really must sacrifice quite a lot. If you don't, you just won't do well? Which ah, I know I'm really kinda quite slacking. As compared to many pple in school. Too many smart pple. It's quite scary at times. I think I'm more scared at how I'm still not as scared as I'm supposed to be? How I'm not completely mugging like crazy as I should be? How I'm lacking behind quite a bit but I'm still not exactly doing much about it? It's all very scary to me. I really need to find some motivation. Some purpose. I also don't really know what's holding me back? Nothing is really holding me back. I'm just, I don't know, I guess lazy is the word?

I really really hope that I get myself back on track very soon and stop doing things I'm not supposed to? But I'm not exactly doing things I'm not supposed. I'm just not doing things I'm supposed to do. So I should start doing things I'm supposed to do.

And find some solace somehow. Amidst all the business. Balance. University, finding balance is hard. Something that my friends told me about something they read online about how ages of 18 to 20 are the important years that either make or break you. Or something like that. LOL! Just yes, I really hope these few years will make me instead of break me. First year of uni is never easy. That I realised. So yes, I really hope things will get better. Ok, I believe things will get better.

Yep, better day are coming. Just believe in it. And yes, not just believe but do something too. By sitting there and believing doesn't get you anywhere as well.

And yea, I really should be a better follower of God. I realised I really do go to Him only when I'm very happy or when I'm very troubled. I don't praise Him when I'm contented. Something I really ought to work more hard on as well.

I also need to stop opening doors that have already been shut closed. There is a reason why it's closed and should stay that way. No point opening it again just to have it close again.

But on the other hand, I'm so happy and crazy hell thankful for people who are crazy genuine yet annoying. HAHA! Damn bitches but I still love them all the same. You just know how they really care and how you just know lar. LOL! And yes, how let's just be patient and get through October and November and then December will come and everything will somehow be better in December. It will be and yes, I know it. Hang in there and know that you will be fine.
 
I forgot where I read this quote,

"Walk with the knowledge that you are never alone"

 Because really, no one is alone in this life. Remember this and you'll be fine.

dreamless nights + airports + cycling

I like dreamless nights. Because it's during dreamless nights when you really get to rest and sleep well. And when you wake up, you feel really awake and happy. Haha! Like you really rested well. Though yes, when you dream of nice stuffs, when you wake up, it does put a smile on your face. That stupid smile.

OH!!! That day, I forgot which day, but I dreamt of T.O.P. from BigBang. HAHA! This one must share 'cause it's rare for me to have celeb dreams. And it's T.O.P. Heh. Anyway, I think I got the dream 'cause the night before, I was watching his new movie trailer where he is some NK spy or something. Then all intense and chasing. So my dream was that T.O.P. was chasing after me and another friend. I forgot who that friend was already. Lol! Then you know T.O.P. has crazy intense eyes so it's honestly quite scary to be chased by him. So yes I was really running for my life. Then he finally caught up with me and suddenly, he became all friendly and smiling and happy. Lol! Like he was wondering why we were running away from  him so much. And somehow, he is friends with another of my friend. No idea who and how. It's a dream so it's all fine. Anyway, so he's all nice and funny and cute. HAHA! And and I took selfie with him. LOL! Highlight of the dream huh. Selfie with T.O.P. =D

HAHA! That paragraph just makes me a total fan girl but whatever lar. It was still a nice dream. I'm happy. =D If only it's true lar though. T.O.P. leh.

But anyway yep. I really rather have dreamless nights 'cause I tend to have weird dreams instead of such nice dreams. The kind where it honestly doesn't make sense. The super boring and lame dreams. Which I barely remembers. Which is good I guess. Haha!

But ok, it's really nice to dream good dreams sometimes. It just makes you so happy and smiling when you wake up. And especially when you still remembers the dream. It can totally make your day somehow.

This is a super random post 'cause I just woke up from a dreamless night and feel quite energetic even though I slept at like 2am. Lol! So I only have 6 hours. But I think my optimal sleep is 6hours. If I sleep less than that or more than that, I'll somehow be more tired. It's damn weird but it's quite true. Like that time I came back from China I think? I slept at 3am but auto woke up at 9am and still felt somewhat energise. Even though I just came back to Singapore. I really should probably make myself sleep at least 6 hours a day.

ANYWAY,  I saw this from my friend's tunblr.

And yep, I realised it's so true. And this may be besides the point of this photo, but if I have the chance to work in the airport, I may want to take it up though. As much as travelling there is a total bitch. I think airport is really a nice place to work at. You see different kinds of people everyday. Some you see more frequent since they travel a lot. And you see partings and reunions. You see happiness and sadness. All emotions get poured out at the airport because it's either the last time seeing the person for awhile or the first time seeing the person in awhile. And you can just tell when someone is really happy to see their loved ones when they come back to Singapore. Or when they are really sad to leave but they held on strong. Or the excitement on their faces for their new adventure to another country. It's all very real and genuine.

I love going to the airport since young. Probably because my dad often travels overseas and we somehow just always sent him off. Haha! We like don't care about the petrol fees. HAHA! So to be true, the airport has been a place I somewhat frequent since young. Maybe that's why I like going there so much. Even though it's really the far east. Though ok, working there can really kill when it comes to travelling. But I think I'll really like working there still though. It just has a nice atmosphere. Ohya!! And I have quite a few incidents there when I was young too. Haha! The foolish young me who just doesn't know what I was doing lar. Lol! But yes, I was lucky to have met good and nice people there too. Even though I barely remembers them and remember the incidents mostly from my parents.

And I miss cycling with friends. And all the stupid stuffs we do while cycling. Singing as if no one can hear us. Chiong-ing to Changi just because. Shouting and screaming when a plane is taking off or landing. Trying to compete with the air plane but failed terribly. Stopping to take photos because I say so. Getting sun burnt for no good reason. Or soaked wet because we are cool with cycling in the rain. Always having to chiong back to ECP due to poor time management. Butt and leg pain after the ride but still feel very very happy even though we are crazy tired.

Joy is in the moment, but hope is in tomorrow.

I miss photography. Really taking photos taking photos. I miss going out for going out. Like the whole day really just go out and have fun. Not just meeting for dinner that kind.

Recess week isn't much of a recess week since nobody is free even if you are. Haha! But ok, at least I can take a break from school. A much needed break. Can't believe it's just 7 weeks of school and I'm kinda sick of it already. I really hope it's because it's just the first sem. And that things will get better in year 2 onwards.

But yep. I realise I really need CCA. Lol! Should probably be more active with stuffs. Quite like nothing much happening. But then a lot of events and stuffs happen on weekends. And weekends I want to meet up with friends outside of uni. Because it's the only common free days. I swear man. Next sem, I'm going to try to make my timetable in a way that I'll have free weekdays with some people so that it kinda benefits. HAHA! Even though free days also means going back to school sometimes. For projects. =\

 Joy is in the moment, but hope is in tomorrow.

I was reading some stuffs and this quote kinda struck me.  It's a really simple quote though. But I realise how sometimes you really need to remember this. To enojy the moment, enjoy every bit of it because it won't come again. And continue to hope for the future. Plan for the future and hope is a very powerful thing. Hope give you courage to do something. To achieve things even though you may be in doubt.

Such simple things that we tend to forget with all this life coming on at us. Sigh. I really have a talent in missing people. =\ Need more life huh. Haha! But ok, still quite glad that I still get to meet some people from time to time. Just that it kinda gets addictive in meeting them. HAHA! You just want more lar. And I miss chalets too. =\ Realised also how the next time we'll probably have chalet is only after the bitches from army finally ORD-ed. And then we need to wait some more for the poly kids to ORD also. Army ah, is quite annoying. Lol! But ok, so is uni lar.

And I want to travel. Yep, as always. Haha! Really hope that I get to go away for awhile in Decemeber. Even if it's a few hours to Malaysia. Ok lar. I think December life won't suck so much since there honestly won't be any work that needs to be done. Good thing about university is that once that sem is over, it's really over. And your holidays you can really enjoy them.

Alright, time to start doing stuffs and not waste time already. Haha! Sigh. I miss Korea. And I still haven't finish posting about it. LOL! But I think I can still remember most of it. Too many things we did already lar. Haha!

See them many people on my laptop regularly but still miss them. Sigh. Ok sounds like I'm some strange scary stalker but they are just nice photos on my wallpaper. Maybe that's why my sister doesn't put photos of people on her wallpaper. HAHA!

Anyway, sigh. I don't know why I'm feeling so sian now but I am. But actually, I'm alright. I don't really know how to describe this feeling. It's like I have many things to do but all I really want to do is just go somewhere and watch my shows and be happy and do the things I like and I want. And not assignments and shits.

And I really have conflicting issues. Lol! Last week I was free with nothing much to do and no deadline to adhere to and I was happy but I also felt too free and weird and want to be busy. This week, I have many things to do, deadlines that are coming very very soon and many other random shits but I'm busier and I'm not happy about it. Lol! Nothing can satisfy me sia. Damn horrible.

Oh well. Ok, I really need to make this blog more interesting and less complainy. But ok, at least it still serves as a good platform for me to get my thoughts going and let me start writing stuffs that actually somewhat make sense.