I really love singing at random. When you just suddenly start singing and even though your voice suck, you just continue to sing and don't hue a damn abt what others think. I miss it. I love how we actually stay back aft school just to sing. This shows how much free time we actually had last time, even though it was 'O' levels year. Or rather, singing was really our way of destressing. We'll just gathering around and sing all sorts of random songs. Mostly from Glee. HAHA! Gosh, I really miss sec 3 & 4 sch life. It was so much more fun and worthwhile. We really had fun amidst studying hard. All sorts of nonsense. The weird retarded friends I saw everyday in class. I miss them and their idiocracy and nonsense. When I went to sch, I was really happy. Like the whole aura was generally positive, no exceptionally down moments.
Somehow, this year, the aura seems negative most of the time. It isn't always negative of course. There are really times when I really felt happy and enjoyed my time in sch. But, yea, those times are lesser. And the down aura just seems strong somehow.
Maybe it's 'cause of terms. The thing that is going to start in erm less than 2 days time. The thing that I'm really not prepared for like almost completely. Gosh. Sucks man. I really hate how unprepared I am for this. And how strangely I'm not as nervous or stressed as I should have been. It's what freaks me out most. It's like, I don't care kind of feeling. Which is really bad 'cause freaking hell, I'm taking A levels in a few more months time. I'm not taking it as serious as I should be. And hmm.. Sometimes, I really think laziness is killing me. There are so many things I need to do, so many things I should be doing, but I'll rather sit in front o the tv or have my phone in front of me, playing games and watching videos, doing things that won't really help me much in life. It just sucks.
I need to find the motivation to go on. The drive for me to work hard. I guess, I have it. But it isn't strong enough. And there's something missing. But the thing is, I wanted it to be missing and kinda made it missing. I'm not sure if I miss it but I know that it feels weird without it. It's not completely gone. But there's just something wrong I guess. And I don't really know how to describe it or how to solve this missing part. It's just weird I guess. Complicated things in life that you will never understand it yourself.
As I watched the seniors getting results, there were just too many thoughts running through my head. One thing's for sure, I know that I want to be one of the people running on stage to get my results. I didn't get to at fuhua, I'm not sure if i'll get it at AC actually, but I know I want to. Even though it really seems impossible at this point of time. I just know that yea, I don't want to feel disappointed. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to cry out of sadness.
I guess, I don't want to feel the sadness I felt aft I got my PSLE results, nor do I want to feel numb aft I got my O levels results. I want to feel happy about my results for once. Proud of myself for my grades. Calling my parents and scream with joy into their ears. Yes, I want to make them feel proud of me. Somehow, recognition from your parents always drives you to do well, to do better, to keep you going. Like photography I guess, when my mum said that my photos are good, it really makes me feel happy. She was part of the reason why I picked up photography in the first place. Just from her simple words of encouragement. It made so much difference.
So yes!!!!! I want to do well for A levels. I will work really hard for it and yes, I must really push myself and be discipline enough. It's going to be hard, it'a going to be a long way to go. But I know I can do this. I will do the best that I can be. And I know that I have the potential in me. I just need to really focus on it and don't lose sight. Do everything to the best of my ability. Work hard and everything will pay off. And aft all that, take a good break and know that you deserve the break. Find support from your family and friends because yes, they will always be there for you. In all ways they can. You know you are lucky to have them around and do show your appreciation to them once in awhile. They are the people who truly matters after all.
Ok fully motivated now! I shall start on econs!!!!!!! Using my phone to post now. Haha! Desperate but I'm glad that I did 'cause I really feel clear of what I want now. So yes! All the way!!!!!! =)
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