golden mouth

I blame my hair, the rain and many other stuffs for my weird mood now. Ok, I guess I just need to rant. Week 3 now. And I feel really scared somehow. Ok maybe not scared but I don't know. More like how am I going to get through these 4 years. =\ I know it's just the start and I will get used to it after awhile. I just need to start and things will be fine. Eventually. But ah, I don't know. It seems hard. =\ I think I'm probably just not used to it yet. But wah, it's really only the 3rd week and here I am feeling scared and all.

And I think I'm being too paranoid. But gah, it's tough. =\ Like speaking up all. Me and my golden mouth. It's been like that since forever but I know I really must open this golden mouth soon. Didn't know I was that bad. Haha! Ok lar, kinda do, just that for 12 years I ca sort of get away with it. But now cannot already. =\

And this confidence shit. I really downgrade myself a lot. It's damn bad actually. And I need to prepare in advance more. Sigh. I really don't know lar. Feel so confused and all.

I think I need to just breathe and take it slow and stop stressing myself. Ok need to stress myself to make me do stuffs but don't feel that you can't do it and all. Ok I really ah. I'm blaming this thick hair for my lack of brain cells. It's like clogging up space for information to get in my head.

SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK. IT'S NOT THAT HARD. YOU HAVE BEEN SPEAKING SINCE WHAT, 1 YEARS OLD. AND YOU HAD SPOKE SMART AND QUALITY STUFFS BEFORE.  AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T SPEAK ALL THAT SMARTLY, AT LEAST YOU SPEAK AND CONTRIBUTE AND MAKE YOUR IDEAS KNOWN TO THE WORLD. BECAUSE IF YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOREVER, IT'S GOING TO STAY CLOSE FOREVER AND REALLY, THESE 4 YEARS WILL NOT BE A SMOOTH JOURNEY FOR YOU. SO SPEAK. WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY SCARED OF?

Honestly, I really don't know why I don't speak sometimes. =\ It's damn weird lar. I cannot stand myself. I think I'm being too hard on myself. Like it's only the 3rd week. I should cut myself some slack. This brain of mine really sucks. Sometimes it thinks too much and sometimes it thinks too little. This mouth can talk all nonsense with people but can't seem to talk useful and concrete stuffs. I don't get it lar. I think my brain is just not used to thinking and working yet. At least that's what I hope.

Ah, I really miss it when school was easier and simple. And when I have greater confidence of myself. Ok, I really don't know what's happening. I think I just got too used to life without school, where you just go out with the same old few friends and just eat, play and sleep. Occasionally read some books and don't need to use your brain much. Travel to countries. Get away from Singapore. Do stuffs that you really like and want to do.