car issues

I have the car keys. I have the car. I have a driving license. But I have no time to go cool places and drive around in the car. And ok, my dad also didn't give the green sign to drive. So yes, I guess I should just leave the car lying there. =(

Haha! It's some of the things in life that makes me kinda sad. LOL! Ok lar I'm not that sad. Just quite sian that I don't have time now. Even though I'm erm kinda blogging here. But it really just kinda sucks that the timing is always wrong somehow. And how I still haven't exactly fetch my friends to places in my family car before after getting my license for about 9 months? And I promise everyone like since forever. And I really really want to. =( Ok lar, need to up my drving skills first. Still have much to improve. Haven't even try parallel parking outside yet. Oh well.

I realise the thing about being the youngest is that you are somehow restricted more yet less? I don't really know how to say. It's like at times they give you a lot of freedom 'cause you have your sister to go through it and "feedback" on stuffs. But at times they control you because they still think that you are young and not ready. Or maybe they just don't really want to see me grow up so fast 'cause I'm the youngest. And me being able to do many stuffs that I used to not be able to do means that I'm older, which also means that they are older as well.

But yes yes, I will wait until my dad finally gives me the green light. It's really just my dad. Like my mum is easy. Hehe. Ok lar, she sits my car the most I think? So she probably knows my skills better? And ok, we are very much similar so heh.

Somehow still miss them even though them going overseas all is something that I'm quite used to. I just feel a great big pity how the car is really just sitting at the parking lot and not being driven today. LOL! I swear I'm so weird. But really what, car is for driving and to be driven. Oh well, maybe I can go fetch my grandma later with my sister. HAHA! Yes, like that also shiok.

But yea lar, I get my driving license is for myself and to share the driving burden with my parents and sister when they are tired and stuffs. And how I realise our whole family are like just prone to wanting to drive pple around. Chauffeuring. HAHA! Like I know I will do it if I have the car and stuffs. And since most of my friends are in the west so I'm ok with driving them home.

But yes lar, not anytime soon. =( And driving to town is really heartache to the money with the parking fees and ERP. You can only drive to town on Sunday and at night. HAHA! Oh well.

And yes time. I really am so tempted to ask people out to meet up this weekend but looking at the amount of work I kinda still haven't done, I know I shouldn't. But my logic is that somehow if you meet up with people, you won't have time to slack off so you will maximise your time more and be more productive. HAHA! But okok, for now, work ah work. If I really feel like, just be patient and wait until summer. They won't go away. And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll have the car again and hehe. My mum did promise me that she can let me drive off on my own after 1 year. But ok lar, I know I must understand if they don't really let me since maybe my skills really aren't that great yet. And the car isn't cheap. And yes many factors. But yes, still hopeful.

HAHAHA I realise I can really go on about driving stuffs. I still think that it's the most awesome skills to have. Hehe. And something I wanted since forever actually. And it's super addictive to drive too. Somehow. Lol! I want a car. =(

AND OHYA! THE LEGO MOVIE IS GOOD. HAHA! It's damn cute lar. "Everything is awesome~" And it's not completely nonsense. Like there's storyline and the jokes are honestly very punny. For a movie junkie like me. Haha! It's the kind of humour that is retarded and lame but still funny somehow. Like I can go on laughing for awhile. Ok, it's really slight like Despicable Me but less ridiculous. But yes, the filming is crazy impressive 'cause it's stop-motion and I did stop-motin before and it's not easy at all. And they freaking hell did a movie with it. Some parts are animation ah but I think majority is stop-motion? So they are crazy good.

HAHA! This Benny guy is super spaz but super cute too. Heh. And yes yes thankyou Haziq for using your free tickets on us. Haha! It's ok! Still got many other chances to get free movie tickets to go with your future girlfriend! =D

Okok, I think it's time for me to stop typing here and get back to researching and doing work.

tears doesn't always mean sadness

[ Alone between narrow streets in tears

Jobeun golmokgil sai honja nunmul 

In case someone sees, I secretly shed tears

Nuga bolkkabwa mollae heullin nunmul

I try so hard not to become weak
Yakhae jijianheuryeo balbeodungeul chiryeoda

My tears
Nae nunmul ]

Tears (눈물) - Leessang Feat. Eugene

Probably my favourite song from Leessang~ and probably start to hear them because of Gary and Running Man. HAHA! But they are really good. Like their voices just sync damn well together. =D

So I survived that horrible week. Haha! Yes, it was really the week that really tested your limits. To the point where you don't even have the time to think of wanting to give up? You just know that you still have to pull through it no matter what. And yea, it's really quite horrible. Like you just feel like you are going to drown but not so much? You know you won't die, but it's just not a nice feeling. But actually, there are times in that week that was nice and pleasant and funny. Lol! So ok, even though it was a horrible week, it still wasn't like crazy bad. Just that I think that was the worst week of uni so far? Last semester, it was more spaced out packed than this? Ok lar, uni is not easy so I just have to suck it up.

Anyway, I've survived it so that's ok! Haha! At least I can take a short break this week. Actually not really but at least a breather from lessons and stuffs. But I really need to up my game like crazy. Falling behind like mad that I don't even know.

But ok, at least yesterday I had a nice day at home watching shows. Heh. And slept until 12plus? =D Almost 12 hours of sleep. It honestly felt so good. 'Cause for the whole week I've slept for around 2-4 hours each day. Damn crazy.

Now, I just want to meet up with many many people. But the recess week is short so I don't really have much time and choice. =( But I guess there is still that awesome long summer awaiting. So YES!!! I can't wait for summer. Hehe. Hopefully I get to go overseas twice. Though it's quite bleak now which is quite sad but whatever lar. If I mange to crazy save up for the next few months, I'll try to persuade the parents. Or I'll go myself. HAHA! Ok lar, I don't think I'm up for travelling by myself yet. But I really want to try that someday though. It honestly feel kinda cool. Haha!

Anyway, yes, I really still can't wait for summer break because that the only thing that is keeping me from going on and not giving up. Ok lar, I really miss my friends. =/ Somehow, I think I became slightly reliant on having them around. Though ok, I know I will still do fine and stuffs but sometimes you can't help it. And to be true, I'm actually crazy lucky already 'cause I still have annoying friends around me almost everyday so I'm actually good. HAHA! Yes yes, I don't know what I'm complaining about. I guess I just miss having fun. Doing random shit or just sitting around and talk. Stuffs that we really have no time for now. But yes, everyone misses having fun too. Who doesn't like to have fun? But yep! I'll get through this!! It will all be good. Haha!

OH OH! I think I'll finally do up the Korea Trip posts. HAHA! But in a way shorter form 'cause erm I just want to get it over and done with. Heh. But yes, I'll try to add stuffs here and there along the way if I have the mood. WE NEED TO GO OVERSEAS AGAIN. =( Like even if we go some island I'm fine with it too.

IMYBIDKW

My heart feels cold. Or maybe it's the wind that is making me feel cold. I have a jacket but I don't want to wear it because somehow this coldness isn't that bad after all. I think I look like some sad homeless kid but whatever lar. HAHA!

Anyway, I realise that I am honestly crazily blessed by God. And that He really never leaves me behind. He will always be there to help me and give me strength somehow. And yes, I know He will always be looking out for me and giving me strength. 

And also a shout out to my guardian angel in heaven. I know that I will always miss you no matter what. But I know that you will always be there for me and look out for me. And make sure that I am taken care of. And yea, let me know that I am not alone and that you will always be looking out for me from up there. It's pretty amazing though. 4 years just passed so quickly. So much had happened since then. But yea, I know that you will always be looking out for all of us here. And yes, I'll promise to take good care of grandma and listen to her. 

Haha! This is a super random post but I just need to take a short break from studying for mid terms. Pretty screwed for it but I'll still try my best. And yes, tank through this. It will end in like 2 days and then there's more hell but whatever lar. One step at a time. 

And yes, sleep is for the weak! I ain't no weak so I will tank through these 2 days. HAHA! Ok lar. Sleep isn't for the weak. It's necessary at times. And this week I've been sleeping very little. Not good for the health but must suck it up for being too slack for the past few weeks. 

How did 7 weeks of year 1 sem 2 passed by? I have no freaking idea. This sem really passed by too damn quickly. And I miss many people. =( but ain't no time for that too. Which sucks lar. Like I really rather meet these people than study. HAHA! That's only the obvious. Ok I shall get back on to studying abt how labour market works!! Such fun.

get up get up

Lack them motivations. So damn weird. Mid terms is in less than a week. And I have two mid terms somemore. But somehow, I'm just damn bloody lazy and unmotivated. I don't even know why. Like somehow, I just don't feel like caring. Like how right now I'm just lying on my sister's bed and typing here using my phone.

What happened to all those motivations? It just died slowly. I guess probably the urgency ain't there yet. But freaking hell sia. 1 more week and I'm still just like that. Doesn't make sense. 

Okok probably should get up from my sister's bed, go bathe and start work again. Maybe I should do some other work instead 'cause this is taking too long. But bloody hell this assignment is so damn annoying. Burden module. Really crazy burden. 

I really really really hope that life would get better in other years. And that I'll get to study stuffs that I actually like and care about and stuffs that matter more. Stuffs that make sense more. If not, I'm going to die very badly.

the most important man in my life

So yes, that most important man in my life, that one guy who will embrace and tolerate all my weird temper and whatever nonsense I give him, the one guy who I get pissed off at but will be alright with him after awhile, the one guy who I cannot stay angry with for long, the only guy who can actually make me really angry and annoyed at times.

My daddy.

Haha! So on this Valentine's Day, I'm dedicating this post to my father. Because he is the most important man in my life. Even after I get married and stuffs, I think my dad will still be the most important man in my life somehow. Haha! Ok lar, I will love my husband too. But the thing about father is that you can never choose them. And I think that's the most special and awesome part of the father.

I can't choose who my father is. But somehow, he is the most important man in my life. Because everything he does, is all for us. Yes, of course him working is also for his future and for my mum and stuffs. But the reason why he bother to work hard is because of us. And that we are the reasons why he put in all the time and effort in his work even though it makes me not see him often ever since young.

But yea, you know that you are always on his mind and in everything that he does, when he feels like giving up, the motivations to keep him going are my mum, my sister and me. The three important women in his life. Hehe. He damn lucky sia. Got 3 awesome women in his life. HAHA!

But yea, at times, he annoys me so much that I don't even understand. HAHA! The stuffs that he is crazy picky about like drying our hair and stuffs. The most nitty gritty things that he just had to pick on. Yes, they annoy me like crazy. But I know that without him being around to say all these nitty gritty stuffs, it would be so weird. And that I know that him picking on all these stuffs is because he wants the best for us.

Always. He always wants to best for us. And yes, sometimes, he may not agree with what we do. But he will eventually come to terms and let us decide on what we want to do. And he will support whatever decisions we make eventually. He may not like it. But he will come to terms with it.

And I swear, it's so bloody cute when he is concerned about us but he doesn't want to say so he will use a messenger (aka my mum) to tell us stuffs. HAHA! He can be quite lame and annoying at times, but he is pretty much awesome. And very cute. Haha!

So yes, this valentine's day, I want to give a shout out to my dad. Because he has been the most amazing man in my life so far. Though he isn't always around, he would still try his best. And honestly, fathers are out to annoy the hell out of their daughters. HAHA! That's why they are fathers. When they nag on you over the weirdest stuffs. And times you just feel like saying, " Dude, that's not even worth naggy about." Like at least mothers nag for the right reasons. Sometimes. HAHA!

But yep, fathers. They just have that weird power. And I don't know. They are just kinda very important. HAHA! Not kinda, the most. For me. I think I'm really a daddy's girl. Haha! I realise that most of the time, he really doesn't scold me even though I can be quite braddy and stubborn. But I guess that's because I reflect my parents in that way, so they can't really scold me since they are like that too sometimes.

And yes, crazy crazy stubborn. It's so annoying 'cause I can see the stubbornness in him just like my grandfather. Somehow this stubborn thing is really heredity. Like freaking hell sia, all of us are damn stubborn. But I think what's really awesome is how we can never stay angry with each other for long. I think that's one thing I learnt from my parents. Because they can't stay angry with each other for long also. Lol! Like somehow, we just make up because we know that staying angry with each other for so long doesn't make any sense because you are wasting your time and energy to be angry when you can just let it go sometimes. Unless it's really something huge. But usually, we don't get angry with each other over something huge because I don't really know why we don't but I guess we learn to understand each other's perspectives?

I really really think my parents are like crazy supportive humans ever on earth and how they really let us decide how we want to live our life. They won't force us into decisions that we don't like and yea, I really love them lar. Haha!

Anyway, this isn't as nice and proper post as I intended it to be but when it comes from my heart, it's not in perfect English. HAHA! I realise I can only blog in perfect English when I am angry or annoyed. Or sad. Lol! Other than that, it will just be Singlish with thoughts all over the place. But I guess that's why it's good 'cause you can hear me talking. HAHA!

Anyway, so yes, this photo was taken 2 years back in China! With the father. =D

And haha! I really hope we can really go Australia in July. After promising to bring me there since 2004. WOW. That's 10 years ago. HAHA! The father sucks sia. But yes yes, still love him a lot. Still the world's number 1 father. And yes, my mum is the world's number 1 mother. My sister number 1 sister too. Yes lar, they are always number 1 in my heart no matter what.

Because at the end of the day, home is where my heart is and my parents and my sister are the people  who I will always go home to.

away let's go

 

One day, I really wish I can drop everything, pack a simple luggage, bring my camera, take my passport, head to the airport and buy a random plane ticket to somewhere, anywhere. 

 Following strangers from other countries on Insta is nice but it really makes you want to just drop all your commitments and get out of here and just go travel. Go to the places they are in. Because freaking hell it's damn pretty. I know Singapore has very pretty sights too but it's always different overseas. Singapore is still my home. It's the place where I will always and forever end up in at the end of the day. But right now, I really want to get out and explore. This world is so huge. So many things to experience and so many sights to see. 

After finals, I'm going to start making plans. Haha! Not erm to travel overseas only but yes many many stuffs. Summer break. Seriosuly can't wait. I really need to stop complaining and find ways to really enjoy each and everyday. Lol! As in ah, lately I don't know why I'm just really quite sian. 

And I realise sometimes being nonchalant isn't all that bad after all. Sometimes I think I care too much to the point where it's not enough. Not sure if it makes sense but yea. But yep, right now, I really need to focus like crap. 

I want ice cream too. =\ Feel so deprived. I wanted to eat ice cream yesterday but the uncle wasn't there. I realise ice cream is really still the most comfort food. Haha! For me lar. Actually, it's one of the best deserts I think. You just feel happy when you eat ice cream. =D

But anyway, one day, I really hope I can just go travel overseas to many different places and experience stuffs. I hope I can really be brave enough to travel alone 'cause it's honestly kinda cool. Like discovering yourself. HAHA! Oh well. Earn money and save money first before doing that. But yes, it will be something I really think I want to do. Maybe exchange programme can be it. Heh.

just remember what you're here for, 'cause I know I'm damn sure

Was all ready to post a super angst and emo and sad post but then I went to bathe and now I feel so much better. Bathing really helps to clear your mind and makes you happier somehow. When you are clean and smelling all nice. Haha!

But ok, I guess what I initially wanted to angst about is how uni is really really not easy. How it really sucks that I'm not studying what I really like and want to study. And how I'm really not sure if I'm in the right course. Right now, it really feels like I'm in a wrong course. And it kinda sucks 'cause yea, it's already the 2nd semester. I know it's not too late to change course, but being the scaredy cat me, I won't do it. Or rather, I don't want to give up what I have already been going through for half a year. Though it wasn't much. And though I may really like Social Science a lot more than what I am doing now, there is a reason why I got into SMU econs. Right now, I'm not sure what it is. Haha! But I know that I am not putting in my greatest effort in understanding everything. So it's kinda on my part. Yes, it may not be something I like. But that doesn't mean that I can't do it. I think I really need to stop having that mindset. Because, yes, I may be good in something that I don't really like. And it's not say I don't like econs. I just don't really understand it fully yet. So yes, it takes time and I need to put in a lot more effort. I need to work a lot harder and try. Yes just try. Because giving up isn't an option in university. Once you give up, you are really gone.

And I, of all people, should be crazy thankful for having given this opportunity to study in SMU. So yes, I should be more than grateful for it and do my freaking hell best in it. I really need to put in more effort. I know I've said this a million times but I really need to remind myself constantly. Stop looking at nonsense stuffs that don't add value to your life. Lol! Ok lar, some actually do add value in some ways. But yea, some really don't. Of course, taking a break isn't harmful too. But yea lar, limits.

Yep, uni isn't easy. No one ever said it was. It was just us silly kids who think that it's easy when it's not. To think that when you study something you like, it will be easy. But it doesn't always mean you will study something you like. And even if you do study something you like, you still have to put in great deal of effort into it. Life isn't as easy as you think.

But yes, we will all get there. We won't die. We will still be happy as long as we want to be. We can still make it somewhere as long as we do the best that we can be. Yes, the best that we can be. Still my favourite motto ever. Still the way I live my life by. Because as long as you do the best that you can do, it's honestly enough. You don't need to prove anything to the world, you just need to prove to yourself and know that you have already done your best. And that's all that matters.

So whatever shit is thrown at me, whatever hell and nonsense and stuffs that don't seem to make any sense, come at me bro, I'll take it all in.

But yes, also, I'm looking forward to recess week. HAHA! And of course, that long awaited summer. I seriously can't wait for summer break. And can't wait to spam outings with all those many groups of people. And hopefully have chalet and travel. Hehe. Ok yes, shouldn't start making too many plans but it won't hurt to make some plans. Heh. And can't wait for everyone to be back in Singapore. HAHA! Ok lar, it's actually just that boy in UK who's overseas. At least with him back, I don't have to persuade the guys to come out 'cause they will somehow turn up. Haha!

Okok, I really miss that 8 months life. I was walking home from the bus stop just now and felt really sad somehow. How it's really no more fun and games anymore. But I guess we'll just have to find a different kind of fun. HAHA! And yes, those true friends of yours won't run away. They have been there for the most parts of your life and yep, they won't leave.

But I guess why I really miss those 8 months is that if I miss certain people, I can just easily and freely ask them out to meet on some random day. Like just that easy. But now, it's damn bloody hard even to meet for a short while. And even if we do meet for a short while, it's usually not enough.

But ok, enough of my whining about meeting up with people and stuffs. I guess one thing about me is that I'll never stop missing people. Haha! And you know, I think my version of heaven will be a place where I'm with God, my family and the friends who I love a lot. I've actually thought of this before when I was young and I think it's so true. As in I think I would like a place where everyone I love is just so near to me. Haha! Okok, this is getting slightly far-fetched and very random.

I guess all I want to say is that yes, university isn't easy. Not even close. But nothing in life is easy. And even if things aren't easy, it doesn't mean that you can't be happy or that you can't enjoy it. And yea lar honestly, to be happy, it's all up to you. Finding those things that make you happy. Yes, of course there will be times when you feel like you can't take it anymore. There will always be down times. But rememeber to get up 'cause life goes on and there are so much more things worthy to live for.

[ If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can't take no more (c'mon)
Just remember what you're here for
Cuz I know imma damn sure ]

The Fighter - Gym Class Heroes Feat. Ryan Tedder

This song is really super nice to hear when you are feel the world weighing down on your shoulders. Haha! Songs are really amazing. 

Just a side note; sometimes fate play tricks on you. Sometimes almost is not enough. Sometimes things may not go the way you wanted. Sometimes unexpected things happen. Sometimes you can't control the things that happen. Sometimes you can't control the feelings you feel. Sometimes you don't understand why you feel the way you feel. But I guess one day, it will all make sense and you will soon realise why those sometimes happen and yea, some day, you will find the answers slowly. Sometimes, you don't even need to have an answer ultimately. Because sometimes, some things need no explanation; it just happens. We just have to be patient and yes, it will happen, it will come. One day, it will.

take that money, watch it burn

[ Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard,
Said, no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars, yeah we'll be counting stars ]

Counting Stars - OneRepublic

Slighly regret not going for OneRepublic's concert. They are kinda good. LOL! Gah. Hopefully they will come back again. I really hope someone good will come this year. I want to go to a concert again.

Anyway, dreams. Dreams. Nice dreams. Are very annoying. And then it's weird. Lol! I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I'm just slightly angry at my dream for being so nice. Haha! Ok I'm like really hard to satisfy. As in I guess dreams reflect stuffs that you sort of want in reality. But it's dreams huh. So they aren't real and you know it won't.

Ok lar. Nice dreams are still nice. I won't hate on them. Haha! It's just kinda confusing I guess. But yep, I won't let dreams confuse me 'cause it's just kinda stupid. Lol! Somehow, just make yourself busy and you won't be confused. And have that clear direction stuffs. It's annoying how planning is important and you know it.

First, finish this semester well.

AND I want to sing again. So damn addictive to sing.  =(