AHHH. This makes me love Fix You even more. Haha! It's already my favourite Coldplay song. Oh man, I realise how the lyircs really links up to what this paragraph above says now. FREAKING SWEET. Coldplay really needs to come Singapore again. =( I'm so itching to go for concerts now. Just that concerts need money and good bands or artists to come. OneRepublic is coming!! But I think it's too ex and I think I'm not free that day too. =\

And I miss my favourite people. All of them. Everyone. Primary, secondary and JC. Sigh. But yes, this university doesn't allow me to meet people often. Sucks. And ok not just university, 3 universities and army and polytechnics and working. And I realise that yea lor, ok lar, bottom line is that I'll really rather do nonsense stuffs than do study and projects. =\

BUT OK! I actually not that bad lar. Still get to see some people from time to time. So I'm happy. HAHA! Like for awhile also I'm happy. And ok, life honestly isn't that bad lar. Just quite lazy to update about life stuffs. I realise my blog now really is for purely ranting and stuffs.

Okok! Recess is next week!! Maybe I'll get on to posting some nicer stuffs. Like Korea Trip maybe. HAHA! Ok I'm lying. Recess week is going to be a bitch too I think. Most likely I'll get my real break after 2nd December. SO YES, few more weeks let's go. Really, whoever said university is going to be easier lied a lot.

nostalgia is a bitch

I wanted to post something and all I can kinda come up with is missing people and missing the slack and fun life I had before school started abt a month ago. Sigh. I think nostalgia this thing will never get away from me. Ever since secondary school, I nostalgic already. LOL!

First group of friends who are still my friends. Who I still miss. Who I don't get why I don't see them often even though we all live so very freaking near each other. Gah. Except for the boy who's in UK now. Regardless, I still miss them all. Probabaly except Feli and Swap. For the two of them, I'm just crazy glad that I'm in the same school with them. And to be able to have someone to accompany you for shit when you are alone. HAHA! But yes, I really miss these people. Probably 'cause I haven't talk to them for a long time also. Like wah, university is overwhelming.

And then there are many other friends who are annoying too. Who I just miss too. =( Secondary school and JC. ALL OF THEM LAR. It's damn annoying 'cause I want to meet up with everyone but then there is only 2 days in the weekend and I still have to study. Bitch sia. Damn bitch. I don't like this. Sigh. I guess ok, at least uni friends I'm not like crazy close with them yet. LOL! As in like, you get what I mean. Or rather, I won't miss them since I'll still see them around school and stuffs I guess. But so far, I like all my new friends. =D I like my group mates for all the group projects so far. They are all very nice and on people. And damn funny. Haha! But yea lar, my ultimate comfort is with my old friends, people who can just be stupid and talk nonsense and speak whatever lar. People who I can talk for ages.

But yep, uni is really very very overwhelming. But I still want my life. So I can't just study and do projects all day. And I miss going out in daylight. Like proper go out and not meet up for dinner. I miss going out for going out. Like really wearing nicely to go out to shop or to just sit somewhere and talk for hours. And take nice photos. Because I realise my camera is so boring now. As in I think my camera is bored. =\ Like really sia. All not fun one. I still do bring my camera for projects and stuffs. But then it's like take photos of projects and stuffs. Not for fun. And my Holga. Smart smart me go buy 3 rolls of film only to realise that "HEY! I HAVE SCHOOL AND I HAVE NO TIME TO TAKE PHOTOS AT ALL!"

And ok I admit, I'm lazy too, in asking people out. A bit tired ah. Probably tired of everything and tired of asking too. But then I realise that yep, if I don't ask, it's really damn hard to meet up because no one else will. Ok sometimes some other people will (WHICH I AM DAMN THANKFUL FOR) but yep, I shouldn't be lazy since I'm the one who wants to see them people anyway. Such annoying friends sia. Or probably they are equally lazy too and just waiting for me to ask. Or maybe I'm the only loser who misses the world. Oh well.

So many million things to do and I'm still typing here. Ok lar, I guess I really just need to start somewhere. I realise this blog has become a ranting blog and no longer one with nice nice stuffs or activities I do. =\ So sad lar. Probably should post some inspirational stuffs soon. HAHA! But I'm honestly not feeling that inspired lately.

But alright, I'm honestly still pretty thankful to many things and stuffs. It's just normal to rant about life's everything I guess. Because yep, that's what life is. About ranting. HAHA! Okok. Tmr morning, I MUST START WORK.

(LOL. I REALISE HOW MY POST FROM ONE WEEK AGO IS SO SIMLAR TO THIS POST HERE. I SUCK IN LIFE. I REALLY DO. PROBABLY NEED MORE LIFE TOO.)

Once again, I have no idea how suddenly it's going to be 12am and it's going to be Monday all over again. This is going to be ther 5th week of school and wow, it's really scary. Lol! As in scary how fast time is flying by. And how there are so many projects and assignments and readings and what not. University, is not easy, not at all. You thought that the toughest time was JC but nope, not really. Ok to be true, currently, I will say that JC was still a lot more hiong than now. 'Cause I kinda still have time to waste now. Just that, I can feel that it's really going to be worse than JC. Maybe not this semester, but the next or maybe in year 2/3/4.

Time is really flying by. So hard to even catch my breath. And you forgot how long you haven't meet up with people. And you miss them terribly but then you really got no time to meet up also. Damn sad. And how you also lazy to ask them to meet up. Lol! Ok, probably need to stop the laziness because you know that they are people who you need to meet up once in awhile to keep you sane in this hectic uni life. And gah, I feel so bad for not remembering some stuffs. But ok, I guess people do understand. Haha!

And I guess me not going for any OCSP this December can be a good thing. Since there is only one month break, I should probably take this one month to learn stuffs. Like Photoshop and iMovie and Excel. Lol! Things that I will confirm need in the future. And things I'll like to use. HAHA! I realise iMovie is really pretty awesome. So so SO much better than Windows Movie Maker. Yes, I really used Windows Movie Maker to make videos last time. Such terrible thing but I somehow managed to do it. LOL! Ok lar, last time the videos I made were super simple and normal and not very nice actually. So yes, I'm going to take this Dec hols to learn!!

And maybe family trip. HAHA! I also don't know. This strange family of mine and their crazy spontaneous trips. That day my mum damn joke. I was asking her something about her day and she thought I was asking about overseas or something so she was like "Oh! Maybe we can go Australia." Ok sure, mum. Ohya! I think I've mentioned this before but never mind, I'll say again. Haha! My dad has eben promising me to a trip to Australia every year since when I actually wanted to go Australia in primary 4/5. Now, I'm in university year 1, and I haven't go to Australia before. HAHA! Horrible father. But ok lar, he brought me to other places so it's fine. Haha! Just that it's really quite funny how he really has been saying since so long. Until I don't really care about going Australia now. Haha! Ok lar, I still want to go. But it can wait. Haha! GRAD TRIP. =D So horrible to be thinking about grad trip now when I'm only just starting school. Lol! But ahhh, I really love travelling. Should probably find a job that allows me to travel. Heh.

Shall head back to my work. But yes, I really want to go out for going out and to wear nice clothes for going out and not for school and to take photos using my Holga (because I just put in a new roll of film) and to take photos using my DSLR (because it's been sitting at home for too long) and to just play and to have fun and to use my Macbook to play with photobooth instead of to do work. Sigh. And I really want to go Kbox as well. =( But ok if you think about it, my next long break is actually going to come very quickly in Decemeber. So that's about 11 more weeks. I CAN DO THIS.

talks that I miss

I have the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. The ability to just sit and talk. About love, about life, about anything, about everything. To sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our lives slowing to a crawl. Bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitations. To speak without regret or fear of consequence. To talk for hours and about what’s really important in life.

I really miss having the luxury of time to do this. Even though I know I still can, it's different now that school started. And everyone is just everywhere. And it's so hard to meet up even though you want to meet up so much. It's sad though. =\ Like ah, I really want to meet up with so many people but there are only 2 weekends in a week. And even those 2 weekends, you may have to go back school for projects or meet up for projects. And that's it.

I guess this is truly the test of time. It's so strange though. How you hear people saying about how university is the time when it really tests friendships and stuffs and you don't believe them until it really is happening. To be true, I still don't have doubts in my friendships. Just that sigh, I miss them. And it's really not like I don't want to meet up. Schedule this thing is a bitch. So hard to find a day where everyone is free. And then there are people who are going overseas. Going internship and all sorts. Annoying army boys, uni students, poly students, working friends. Everyone is just everywhere.

Yea lar, I know that if it's really important, if it matters, time won't take them away from you.  Just that, you can't help feeling disappointed with some people who just can't seem to be bothered. And how those people who bother genuinely can't make it. Such a strange concept. And this technology-savyy world is supposingly helping us to get closer but sometiems it feels like it's getting us further. Or rather, I don't know lar. I think I'm still partly disappointed with some people for their lack of response. But I know that there really isn't any point in feeling disappointed already lar. And maybe I'm feeling sad too 'cause I realise how important some people can be. LOL! I feel like I'm typing in codes.

Ah well. Probably quite tired from the meetings today. And the fact that there's school tmr. And how I'm supposed to go bathe but I'm so lazy to. (Yes I'm very gross I know.)

But yes, I really miss the times when we can just sit and talk for hours and hours and not caring if we are wasting time because we can afford to do so. I miss the times when I can really just sit and stare and enjoy life without having this "I still have million of things I need to do" bugging me behind my head. I miss people. I miss living life. Lol! I'm really a sucker for old friends huh. Haha! Ok lar, not say old friends. My good friends happened to be my old friends. HAHA! It takes me awhie to warm up to people so yea lar. But ok at least uni friends wise, there are some who I can click with so that's good I guess!

AHHH I'm just feeling very emotional now. Sort of. Not really emotional. But maybe in the I know I have many things to do but I'll rather blog forever instead of doing them. Quite horrible lar. But just this inertia. Probably should go bathe soon. It's kinda very late already. Lol!

because it will always get better

I realise it's always nice to see people who you like after a long day. HAHA! As in even though you had a very long day, and is really crazy tired but you still have to meet these people, it's a great feeling somehow. And to know that they are waiting for you to come and ah, just very sweet lar. LOL! It sounds quite ego but really feels quite nice when you see them waiting for you all. Got this nice feeling. To know that people are waiting for you always is a nice feeling lar. Haha! Even though you are crazy tired, you are crazy happy too. =) And even if you don't meet them for long, it still feels great because you still get to see them.

So yep! Met up today with the rest for farewell dinner for Shaohao!! This boy's going to UK for 7 months for army training. Super sad 'cause he's missing his birthday, New year and CNY. I think I might have mention this before but yes, it's really sad. =\ And he's the only boy who bothers to reply my sms. =( Ok lar. Other people do too. It's just they need personalised ones then they will reply. Tsk.

Hopefully we can send him off on Saturday!! I'll forgo my buffet dinner if really have to. (HAHA! Ok maybe not. But that's because he won't encourage me doing that too. =D) But yea lar. Really hope can still see him once more before he goes. Even though yes yes, we can go on months without seeing each other last time but different ar now. We like must meet at least once a month or so now. HAHA! We suck but it's ok. =D

Yep, I just realise yea, it's really always nice to remember how you will have these group of people who will just help you get through ups and downs and everything.

And yes, not just the people in this photo lar. Haha! I do realise I have kinda a lot of close friends but you guys are really all special to me. You know who you are lar so it's good. Haha! Thankyou for having faith in me even when I don't have faith in myself. Yes, something I discovered last year is that I really rely on other's faith in me to do well. Lol! As in I'm more motivated to do well when I know that other people have faith in me. But yes, I also need to establish good faith in myself as well.

Anyway, yep!! Survived yesterday!!! It's the most hectic day ever and I don't think I'll have any more days so crazy so thank God. In school from 8am to 8pm. 12 hours!! With one half an hour break and two fifteen minutes break. So yep. It's really crazy. But all good. Just that I sat through a 3h and 15mins lesson without learning anything from it completely and was struggling to stay awake throughout the whole lesson and my brain just rejected all the new stuffs that the prof was teaching. Quite scary and screwed 'cause I thought stats was getting better but nope. It's not.

But yes, I shall stop here and get on with work. Crazy drained but still so much more to do. Yes, this feels more like university life now.

OHYA!! I joined Yoga too. HAHA! Don't laugh. Ok lar, actually can laugh. I was quite amused that I actually really did sign up for yoga too. Accompanying Lung!! Haha! But ok lar, yoga is good. And yes!! Me flexible. HAHA! I cannot imagine though. First lesson yesterday I was really dying. Stiff means stiff ah. Very hard to change. Lol! But yes yes, I will try to loosen some muscles and all. See if these 8 sessions will pay off. =D I highly doubt it will but slightly less stiff ar. Maybe.

golden mouth

I blame my hair, the rain and many other stuffs for my weird mood now. Ok, I guess I just need to rant. Week 3 now. And I feel really scared somehow. Ok maybe not scared but I don't know. More like how am I going to get through these 4 years. =\ I know it's just the start and I will get used to it after awhile. I just need to start and things will be fine. Eventually. But ah, I don't know. It seems hard. =\ I think I'm probably just not used to it yet. But wah, it's really only the 3rd week and here I am feeling scared and all.

And I think I'm being too paranoid. But gah, it's tough. =\ Like speaking up all. Me and my golden mouth. It's been like that since forever but I know I really must open this golden mouth soon. Didn't know I was that bad. Haha! Ok lar, kinda do, just that for 12 years I ca sort of get away with it. But now cannot already. =\

And this confidence shit. I really downgrade myself a lot. It's damn bad actually. And I need to prepare in advance more. Sigh. I really don't know lar. Feel so confused and all.

I think I need to just breathe and take it slow and stop stressing myself. Ok need to stress myself to make me do stuffs but don't feel that you can't do it and all. Ok I really ah. I'm blaming this thick hair for my lack of brain cells. It's like clogging up space for information to get in my head.

SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK. IT'S NOT THAT HARD. YOU HAVE BEEN SPEAKING SINCE WHAT, 1 YEARS OLD. AND YOU HAD SPOKE SMART AND QUALITY STUFFS BEFORE.  AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T SPEAK ALL THAT SMARTLY, AT LEAST YOU SPEAK AND CONTRIBUTE AND MAKE YOUR IDEAS KNOWN TO THE WORLD. BECAUSE IF YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOREVER, IT'S GOING TO STAY CLOSE FOREVER AND REALLY, THESE 4 YEARS WILL NOT BE A SMOOTH JOURNEY FOR YOU. SO SPEAK. WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY SCARED OF?

Honestly, I really don't know why I don't speak sometimes. =\ It's damn weird lar. I cannot stand myself. I think I'm being too hard on myself. Like it's only the 3rd week. I should cut myself some slack. This brain of mine really sucks. Sometimes it thinks too much and sometimes it thinks too little. This mouth can talk all nonsense with people but can't seem to talk useful and concrete stuffs. I don't get it lar. I think my brain is just not used to thinking and working yet. At least that's what I hope.

Ah, I really miss it when school was easier and simple. And when I have greater confidence of myself. Ok, I really don't know what's happening. I think I just got too used to life without school, where you just go out with the same old few friends and just eat, play and sleep. Occasionally read some books and don't need to use your brain much. Travel to countries. Get away from Singapore. Do stuffs that you really like and want to do.

"As I wish to pursue photography as a career in the future, being part of the exco will allow me to gain more exposure and experience and know how it will be like when I become a real photographer."

Haha! Was looking through some documents and found my Photog Exco Application. And yep, this sentence that I typed out kinda struck me. Strange how 2 years can do so much. 2 years ago, I wanted to be a photographer. Now, I still want to be but it's more of a dream that I know won't really happen. I guess what happened in those 2 years was me realising that I don't actually love photography so much to the point where I will want to make it a career. And I kinda only like to take photos of my family and friends. HAHA! Ok lar, I like to take people and scenery I guess. But yea lar, I don't love photography so much to the point where I want it for my career.

So yea 2 years to get me to be more practical and to realise that life isn't as easy as it is. Lol! But wow, time really flies huh. More than 2 years since I was chosen to be in photog exco. I am still extremely thankful to the seniors for seeing potential in me to be part of the exco. I just hope that we still did do a good job as excos. Haha! Ok lar, I think and believe that we did. =D In very small ways but it's ok. Haha!

And yep, my future career path I guess I shouldn't keep worrying too much about it. Ok, I'm not worrying actually. Right now, I just want to survive the first sem of uni. I can feel the heat coming soon and I don't like it. =\ But I need to get used to it even though I don't want to. I'm already in it already so might as well do the most out of it. And I really have to because this isn't something that I got easily.

Ah, I can type so much random nonsense on my blog but I take so long to type out stuffs for OCSP forms. Lol! But wah, SMU really got a lot of overseas opportunities. Haha! I guess that's really one of the great things about SMU. And I need to remember how to write essays again. Lol! Though I realise econs is really very much math-based. Which I am not complaining except when you can't bloody get the probabilities shit. (YES THEY ARE BACK. AND I STILL HATE THEM.) But ok lar, when you get it, it feels good. HAHA! That is only when you get it. Otherwise you just want to kill it. But yep! Maths is a good module to ease into uni. Haha! It's technically the same stuffs again just a bit more in depth and the stuffs that teachers used to say "You will only need to know if you take maths at university level." Yep, those stuffs that you used to ignore, you can't ignore now. =\

Ok let's get back to the forms!

new school

I realise I haven't been posting about my uni life yet. Haha! Or rather, the 2 uni camps I went to. Quite lazy to post abou them 'cause they are camps which are long. HAHA! As seen from my lack of posting on Korean Trip and many other stuffs. =D

But yes, I'll just summarise lar. Haha!

My first camp was Freshemen Teambuilding Camp (FTB)!! We went all the way to Sariumbun Scouts Camp for it. Haha! Damn hiong right? But yes, because our school really lack campus facilities to hold so many people in a place.

Anyway so the theme of the camp was HARRY POTTER!! Yea I kinda love it 'cause I am a Harry Potter fan. Heh. So it's really quite cool when they make all the games linked to Harry Potter. =D I'm in Slytherin!! Though yea, I wanted to be in the rest. Haha! But ok lar, clan only. Haha!

And yes, we really slept in tents for 2 nights. HAHA! Like for real man. At first we wanted to go somewhere else to sleep but we got chased out. =\

My groupmates are very nice!! =D 'Cause we can name our own group names, we came up with Buttercup at first. LOL! As in the Powerpuff girls Buttercup. HAHA! Because she's green. Lol! Then we realised it's hard to draw Buttercup so we changed it to Shrek. Haha! And our cheer damn cute lar. The cheer that some of them came up with on the day itself. It's super original and creative. =D Very hard to type out but it's really cute lar. Haha!

Our flag! This one was taken before the final night. Haha! With our facis!

Last day of camp! We didn't get to take a lot of photos 'cause our phones weren't with us. HAHA! Ok lar, usually you won't take so much photos in camp also I guess? Haha! But yep!! They are really very nice people and I'm quite happy that they are the first friends I made in SMU! Haha! I like it that we wil try our best to win and stuffs but if we never, we will be good sport about it and won't blame anyone. Haha! I guess we are all mature enough already lar. Won't let winning for such stuffs make things ugly. Lol!

My next camp was Oikos Camp!! Which is econs faculty camp. Haha! Yes, I was lazy to go for more camps so I just joined 2. Although I realise I shouldn't have been lazy but ok lar. I think it's fine. Haha! I wanted to join many camps at first but then you just got lazy. And you realise how little time you have to lepak before school starts.

Anyway, so yep! My clan is Apache!! Haha! Red one. So I like 'cause I have red shirts. =D Haha! My group is Diablo! I forgot how to pronounce it already though. Lol! But yep!! My group is quite awesome lar. Haha! And the camp was really packed with activities so there weren't really much slacking time. Good and bad I guess? 'Cause we don't really have much time where we can sit down and talk and stuffs. But the activities were really fun lar. Haha!

First day we had dirty games which are really truly horribly dirty. Like the gross dirty kind. I thought it'll be the water games kind. I like the water games kind more. =( Then after that we had Food Trail! Which was nice also 'cause you get to eat food and stuffs. Haha! And discovering all the nice food around school. Which I realise it's a lot. Haha! Ok lar, honestly, my school location is very good. Haha! Just that it can be quite pricy. =\

Then at night we had Fright Night!! Ok, ah fright night must describe. Lol! It was really good though. 'Cause I was really scared. Haha! And yes, the first time I shouted so much fword out loud ever. I said the fword out louf before lar. But then I never say it so much at one time before. Lol! So yes, I was really scared 'cause I can't really scream and the only word that came in my head was that. HAHA! Quite funny lar. But luckily the 3 other people I went with weren't scared. So I was the only one scared actually. HAHA! But they were very nice lar. Haha! The formation is a guy will go in then follow by girl and another girl then the end is  guy. And we stick to that formation. HAHA! And there was a lot of crawling to do. So at the end of it, my knees were really brusied 'cause I really just crawl and heck. Haha! And bloody hell lar. Their make up damn scary. Clowns sia. CLOWNS ARE ALWAYS SCARY. And when they grab your legs. Damn creepy lar. But ok after awhile, I got used to it (somewhat) and wasn't as scared. And I realise you just have to keep talking to the ghosts to be less scared. Haha! But overall, it was really a good fright night. HAHA!

Second day we had Amazing Race! Though it's just around school and a little bit outside of school like the town area. Haha! So it's really convenint. =D There's this bucket list thing where you can do some stuffs to get extra points. Haha! It's quite cute. Like dancing a tribal dance across the road. =D And jump shots and stuffs. So it's really not bad. =D AND WE GET TO PLAY LASER TAG!! It's damn fun lar. Just that really anyhow shoot. Haha! And we played it with lights so not as fun but it's my first time anyway. I want to go play again though. Like it's really quite fun but expensive though. But still fun. HAHA!

So I think Amazing Race took up almost the whole day. At night we had Finale Night! All the performances and stuffs. Haha!

My group!! Haha! They are really very fun and nice people and my facis are very very nice also. Haha! Like they will really take care of us and help us in whatever stuffs. Very sweet people. =)

At night, after the finale night, we played some games and drink and talked! =D

Final day was Sentosa!! We were all very tired from the previous day though 'cause we slept at 4am and had to wake up at 8am. Haha! But wahh, sleeping at the seminar rooms is quite nice. =D Quite comfortable. =D

Sentosa!!! Quite fun ba!! But super tiring and draining. Haha! And must really just do one that kinda thing? Like roll in the sand and playing scissors paper stone. That one can kill 'cause if you lose, you have to roll again. Lol! Then there's captain ball. And this relay thing which is quite cool but super crazy tiring. All of us were pretty much drained out already.

My group plus our clan head!! Haha! Our clan head like almost always join our group. But yep, he's quite funny lar. And very nice also. But yep! Really glad to know that these people will be my faculty mates!! =D

So yep!!! Summary that isn't very summary also. LOL! But yep! Really enjoyed my 2 camps ba! Beginning of my university life. HAHA! So weird to say university life all. It used to be something so far away.

Oh well yes!! 4 years 4 years! Haha! Ok lar. I think it will really be fine. I've gone through 12 years of formal education already so another 4 years of studying should be alright.