forward

I was looking at some old photos from my harddisk and I realise how I actually am not a photographer. LOL 'cause okay, the photos are mostly terrible. There were actually just random spamming of the shutter and most of them are just freaking random and gross. Like I legit cannot stand it. But I guess one thing great about all those spamming is that it can capture certain golden moments and when you see them, you will really laugh. 'Cause yes, they are really hilarious. So I guess I wasn't a photographer but then but I was taking photos and yea, some moments are captured nicely so that's good. And yes, I can see my improvements over the years too. So I guess that's a good thing too.

And looking at old photos, I realise how as you grow older, it's much easier to let go of certain things and focus on the present. I used to think thoughts like "The past is so great" and "Oh how I wish I can go back to those days and enjoy those moments" and what not. But right now, as I look back on those days and at all those photos, it suddenly felt different. Those photos do still bring smiles and all. But I won't be thinking such thoughts anymore. Maybe because as you grow older, you realise that what truly matter is the present. Living in the present and making the most out of it. Because yea, the past is history and we can't do anything about it. But the present and the future are still kinda within our control.

And you let go of things way easier. I really hoard way too many things. Even photos and memories and stuffs. But as you grow older, there are even more and more memories and photos and stuffs. So you somehow have to make room for these new ones because yea, they are important too. And slowly, you will just learn to let go of those who cease to be as important. It may sound really sad but I guess that's just how life works. People truly do come and go. And letting go means that you are making room for new and even better and greater memories. Yes, the assumption that the future will be better. But isn't that what we all want for the future? To be better than what it is today? If we know that the future is not better, we won't bother working hard towards the future.

I used to think that letting go of things is very difficult and sad. But I realise letting go of things is a necessity in life. In a day, we only have 24 hours. Given this limited time, you have to prioritise and focus on things that are important to you. Or rather, things that make you happy or things that add value into your life. You really don't have time to bother about things that make you sad or negative. So yes, letting go is just part of your life. And it sounds really strange but it feels good to let go of things sometimes because it frees up space for new and better things.

Take my harddisk for instance. As I was looking at the old photos, I realised how there are some photos, or rather some people who I don't care about anymore. Of course, I still wish the best for them but their lives don't have any impact and effect on me anymore. So I just delete the photos of those people. (And also 'cause there were really a lot of terrible photos such as those with bad lighting, blurness and many more gross ones that I have no freaking idea how did I use to think those photos were decent I was young and foolish ah. Thinking I was some pro photographer. So lame.)

But ANYWAY, yea, and it feels kinda good deleting them. 'Cause you really free up some space. And I don't know. You narrow down to those that are more important. It's something that I know I really need to learn and I've been trying. As you can probably see from the past few posts. But I guess sometimes in life, there will always be certain things that are harder to let go and take a longer time for you to finally come to terms that they are truly no longer important to your life as much as you hope for them to be.

But I guess the truly amazing thing about looking at all these old photos is that there are certain people in some of the photos who are still very much a part of your life. And the more amazing thing is how they had became even more important from when the photo was taken. Some people are really just worth the keeps and I guess as cheesy and cliche it may sound, I truly believe that it is all part of God's plans that these people are still part of your life and they won't leave. True, it will get harder to make the effort to keep in touch and what not. But somehow, I have this strong faith that there are just some people in your life who are just gonna be there for you for a long, long time. It's really not about the quantity but the quality.

I'm just truly thankful and grateful to God for blessing me with really incredible people in my life. That those who stayed are truly the ones worth keeping. And they are the people who make you a better person and in some ways, help to shape your current personality and character. Right now, I am really satisfied and happy with life that when I look back at old photos, I won't pine and wish to travel back in time. Right now, I hold on to the present and whoever who are here currently. Those who matter and yes, I look forward to the future too as well. People who I may not have met yet but may become important people in my life in the future. It's all truly very exciting to think of how the future will be. Creating new memories with the people who are currently in your life and meeting new people who may become important people. There are times when you think that having all these current people will be enough to last you for a lifetime. They truly are. But I guess we still shouldn't stop ourselves from opening up to more people 'cause yea, there are some people who are just meant to be important people in your life You just haven't meet them yet.  

3 things

Okay currently I have 3 things I wanna say. This is gonna sound like a stupid post, but they are very specific and important 3 things so okay lar, it's a reminder to myself.

Firstly, I think it's time for me to do something crazy. Something different and isn't safe. It may sound stupid but I feel that for the past 21 years (going 22), I have been living a very safe and assured life. Not that I'm complaining. I'm truly happy with my life now and how everything turned out in my life. I have not much regrets but it's just that I realize I usually almost always take the safe options. Those that I know if I take this route, if I make this decision, I will be okay. I won't get hurt. I guess this fear of getting is always what makes me wanna take the safer option. Risk averse. But to be honest, I don't think I'm entirely risk-averse. I guess I just feel that I should take more risks. Be more open to life. And I don't know. Take some leap of faith. And don't worry so much sometimes. So I guess this exchange is truly a good time for me to just do stuffs that I won't usually do. Time to take some risks and first experiences. Of course, don't worry I won't do completely crazy stuff 'cause I'm still me ah. LOL so yes, I guess it's really just opening up more and yea, learn to be more independent. I realize I tend to rely on people quite a lot without me knowing. Like subconsciously. I really am a person who needs people. Okay, I still think I'm generally independent. But lately there is this part of me that really wants to have someone to depend on. So this exchange is truly a good time for me to just learn to be independent and enjoy my own company. All the solo trips I'm actually kinda excited for them but also kinda scary. This will be when I do something different from usual. Hopefully. Need to be brave enough.

Secondly, sincerity. Lately, I've been saying stuffs about being true and all. 'Cause yea, you can tell a person's sincerity from the way they speak and their actions. You can feel it with your heart whether a person is being sincere. And I think that's why I've been feeling quite strange lately because I come to realize how there are some people in my life who I wish for them to be sincere. But they actually aren't completely sincere. So it's like the mind wants them to be sincere but the heart tells you that they are not. Hence there is this conflict and hence you feel a bit strange. It's kinda sad. But I guess it's cool too 'cause at least you know who really matters? Like you won't blindly listen to your mind but you'll listen to your heart too. And so I guess really just rmb those who are truly sincere and hold them close. Know that yes, these are really the people who don't take you for granted and won't make use of you. People who are sincere. 

Thirdly, this point actually doesn't really matter a lot but I guess yea, results can be disappointing. They often are disappointing but after getting sad about it, you really just have to accept it and move forward and hope it gets better. But it's truly disappointing though. When you know you didn't do the best that you can. But yea, I guess there really are other ways to brand and promote yourself instead of through grades and everything. Your life shouldn't be about getting good grades and all. And yea, I choose to believe that people care more about your soft skills instead of grades. With that being said, I need to really work on my soft skills too. Like be more vocal and outspoken and active. I think I'm really improving. Like I can see myself becoming more active instead of passive. And I guess that's one of the great things about SMU. They really force you to be more active and take more initiative in stuffs. So yes, hopefully all these will make up for the not so good grades. 

Ah well. At the end of the day, I'm glad to be alive and blessed with a wonderful family and also friends whom I can lean on always.

who matters

I realize... It's pretty obvious who are the people that truly care about you. You can tell over the small things they do and say. And that's also how you know how some people are just taking you for granted. But it sucks though. When you can tell the difference. 'Cause yes, you'll be thinking to yourself why am I still bothering about these people. Why does it still matter. 

But I guess, sometimes people have differnent ways in showing their love for you. That's the optimistic thinking. But I guess, what really matter is to appreciate and treasure those who treat you right. Those people who truly care about you and what's going on in your life. These people matter. Don't take them for granted and make the effort to know what's up in their lives as well. It truly takes two hands to clap in any form of relationship so yes, reciprocate the love and don't take them for granted. 

it will happen one day

Hehe finally watched this and it's really a super good feels movie. I like. HAHA but watched in poor quality but okay better than nothing. Must wait for the official release.

But wow, this thing with fate is still pretty interesting. Ok this movie is quite cliche but I still like 'cause it's really funny. And happy ending. Everyone likes happy ending. Heh.

喜歡上一個人，是會不知不覺的。
Liking a person is something that you can’t control—it just happens.

So I guess yea, just wait for your happy ending. I believe it will come someday. Right now, focus on yourself. On becoming a better person for yourself. Treating yourself right and always remember that things may not seem to fall into place the way you wanted it, but that doesn't mean you won't be happy. Or that yea, it's the end. I guess sometimes if things are really meant to be, it will fall into place. And you will know what is worth fighting for and what is not. Sometimes you may not know. But maybe it's just not strong enough of a push for you to do something about it.

I guess just remember to be happy. That you really have a hell lot of great people in your life to be thankful for. And yea, that's all that really matters. So yes, life is really good for me now and I can't be more thankful and happy. True, there are times when you want more but what will happen eventually will so we just have to be patient and wait for the incredible things to happen.

The best things in life are always, always worth the wait. 

There are some days in life where you want to remember the moment forever. Today is such a day. But for reasons I don't know. And somehow I don't think I will rmb what was so special about today when I look back in the future. If I do look back. HAHA 

I think I'm really a person who holds on to friendship quite easily? Or rather I can't exactly let go of a friendship easily. I don't really know how to say this. But once I regard a person as a considerably good friend, someone I can be comfortable with, I will want to continue to build on the friendship if I can. And I will feel sad or disappointed if the friendship falters after awhile. Like once a person reaches that good friend stage, it's damn hard for me to u-turn kinda thing. 

Sounds really strange I swear. But yes ah, I'm really a hoarder. When it comes to things or friendship. I'm not saying it's a good thing or a bad thing. It's just, there are times I have to realize and rmb that yea, as much as you wish to meet up with your friends often, you can't exactly do that because yea, you still have a life to live and family and everything else. So yeaas, I guess, I really hold quite high value on friendship. 

Sigh. Honestly don't know what exactly I'm talking about. But I guess all these things I'll figure them out soon. Hopefully.  

the good in humanity

As much as this seems to ring true right now, I would still like to believe that despite all the hurt and pain, there is still hope, love and faith.

The world seems to be in a mess right now. And there is a limit to what we can do. But I guess what's really important for us is to not lose faith in humanity. That there are still more good than evil. Remembering that majority of the people in the world are good.

In times of trials is when you see the good in people, and how people are mostly good. All the hurt and pain are temporary but this kindness and love and hope in people are real and here to stay.

To be honest, I really don't know how exactly to feel and say about all these events, but I do know that somehow, things will get better eventually. It's scary to think about the possibility that the war on terrorism gets worse in the future. Living in fear. I really cannot imagine how those people in those war-torn countries must be feeling daily. The refugees and their thoughts. You would think that in this day and age, such acts would not be tolerated and would be stop but there is more to this. Where to draw the line between sovereignty and human rights. Sometimes you question so much and you have no answers for them.

And sometimes you feel really frustrated because you know that you are seeing and hearing all these things happening but you can't exactly do anything about it. But I guess all I can do it pray for all these people and pray that these acts will be stop. Pray for wisdom in world leaders managing these conflicts. Pray for the innocent people to be able to get out of all these conflict and live a normal life. Pray that those inflict hurt and pain can somehow resolve their anger and seek comfort in something else instead of harming innocent lives.

Remember the good in all humanity. 

There are times in life where you just want to get a hug from your parents. Today is such a day. But they aren't in Singapore. And idk somehow I just really miss them more. I have no idea how I'm gonna survive exchange. But okay I'm actually way stronger and independent than I think I am so I know I'll be fine. 

It's just yea, some nights you really just wish you have your parents with you. I have my sister. But she's really too tired. I realize yea, I'm really still very much dependent on my parents so I have no idea how I'm gonna start making a living for myself in a few years time. That thought kinda scares me. 

But again, right now is not exactly the best time to think about such stuffs so yes, I know I'll be fine eventually. I just need stronger self control and remember that you are really blessed with many amazing people in your life. Remember these people who care about you instead of those who don't. We tend always to care more about those who don't care. So Yi Fang, remember those who care. These people exist and are very much there. You are really not alone.

weird kids

I think this post is gonna be used against me someday in the future but it's k. USE IT THEN sheesh.

But okay lar, honestly mad thankful to have these strange kiddos in my life. I seriously love how we really try our best to sing a simple happy birthday song but it always failed. HAHA Our coordination, or lack thereof, is the best. That's why BFC lar ah.

But wah, first time seeing so many faces on Skype and Google Hangout HAHA and both these cap the number of participants at 10 sheesh. Sorry our group big. Hence we have 2 screenshots for Changhui's bday 'cause we had full strength hehe.

This one is for Shaohao's birthday. HAHA Effort sia. Syncing 4 timezones is mad but so proud of us for actually being able to do it. We suck most of the time but times like these, we completely rule. Hehe. 

So okay, this isn't much of a very sweet post 'cause I think I've said too damn lot of nice stuffs about these people already but yes, truly very blessed to know that no matter where I am or will be, how old I become, there will be 10 idiots here who will always be there in my life somehow.