tired

View from my room. Taken while I was mugging at home some day last year and I probably decided to look out of the window and came to realise what a pretty day it was.

Right now, I'm currently feeling a little scared and lost and not very sure what to do. Plus a million other thoughts on my mind which shouldn't be my utmost priority now but they are very much still part of my brain. It's honestly a wonder how my brain can hold so much random thought at once. I really have no idea how.

I think I really need to stay and camp at home for a day and figure out this university admission thing. Ever since 1st March, I haven't stayed at home for the whole day once. Yep, for the past 10 days there was always something going on. Sometimes I made promises before really thinking. Lol! But ok, it was all still worth it eventually. I still enjoyed myself no matter what. Just yea, I think I'm feeling a little burned out? I don't know. 'Cause yes, right now, I should really probably sit down somewhere properly and think of my future. Lol! And plan and all. It's usually at these weird hours when I start to think more. Damn strange but I guess the night really makes the mind think more. And also more tired as well. Haha!

For now, yes, university admission stuffs is really what's most important now. It's what I'll be doing for the next 4 years. Honestly, I'm quite scared. But yes, first, I need to get into at least one of the local universities first before I begin on my brand new journey. I really really hope that that one subject won't be my downfall. Which ok, I don't think it will I guess. And honestly, I really don't know what exactly I want anymore? It's the pretty lost feeling. Yes, I kinda felt that since quite sometime back. But I guess it's more real now that I have my results and I actually need to decide what I want to do with my life very very soon.

And I feel that my life is in a little mess. Ok, not as bad as compared to others but I feel like I have a lot of things going on. Ok actually, by things is just job and learning driving. HAHA! Ok fine, My life isn't a mess. I lied. It's actually pretty good now. Lol! As in seriously. To be true, I kinda like this life now. I can choose the days which I want to go to work. I can learn driving when I want to. I can meet up with my friends when I want to but also provided that they are free to meet me as well. I can do whatever I want on days when I don't work. I can sit and stone and not feel guilty when I want to. It's pretty much a good life. I have shows to watch when I'm bored. Movies and all. Books to read.

But the thing is that I have so much things to do but I'm not doing almost a lot of it? Or rather I feel that time is spiraling out of control for me. Maybe that's why I think my life is in a little mess. Haha! But I realise yea, this is what's happening to everyone. It's not just me feeling like that. That time is just moving forward without us realising. I guess it happens when you are working and all. And when you are schooling. When you are busy in general. It's just scary though. Like suddenly, we are in March 2013. How did January and February just went by like that? I honestly don't know.

But I guess life in general is like that. We live a busy and hasty life. I know that I am actual one who likes to make my life packed and busy and filled with activities. Ok, not exactly like but I tend to do it. And then once in a while, you get to have days where you are free from activities and just spending time with yourself and resting. I guess that's why I sort of like my life right now because I have a greater control of it as compared to when I was schooling.

And sometimes I feel that my friends are far out of reach and it just makes me quite sad? I don't really know how to say. Sometimes I think that it's my fault for how I neglect some people in my life. But I honestly don't do it on purpose. It's just that you tend to rely on people who you know will actually bother to listen to you and your nonsense. Something about giving and taking in a friendship. I don't really know. What I do know is that I'm not some superwoman who can take care of everyone when I can't even take care of myself. Sometimes I honestly think I worry about others' people lives more than I worry about my own. Ok, maybe not. I don't know. I'm tired now so just let me ramble on about nothing.

I guess what I'm trying to say it that I'm tired. Lol! As in yes, it pretty much sums up this whole post to some extend. It sums up what I'm feeling right now. What I'm feeling physically and emotionally and psychologically. Tired. I'm tired from work, I'm tired from feeling so much, I'm tired from thinking of my future, I'm tired from yea everything. All that friendship stuffs. Annnoying people. I realise I have a lot of annoying people in my life. Lol! Ok, not to say that I'm not annoying myself. Maybe that's probably why they are my friends after all since they are annoying.

OK clearly I'm semi asleep typing this post so yes, let's just end this here and I'll probably do another post with a clearer mind another day.