[ I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is a prize ]
Wake Me Up - Avicii
I think at some point in time, I really need to start planning. Probably soon actually. As much as it annoys me how almost everyday my sister will come home and ask me if I plan yet, it's true that I keep saying that I'll get it done tomorrow. Sigh. I really don't know why I keep procrastinating. I guess it's a scary thing to plan sometimes. And the thing about planning is that no doubt it gives you a clearer direction, you cannot follow to closely to it and you need to learn to be spontaneous and flexible with it 'cause yes, things don't always go according to plan.
Another day gone and yep, nothing done. I think I really need to force myself to plan. And just stop watching stuffs for just those few hours. Today I really wanted to. But yep, change of plans here and there. But not an excuse to not planning too.
And actually planning really doesn't take up much of the time. Just have to start. Gah. It's always the start part that puts people off.
Somehow, I really want to be able to just wake up and have everything falling into place. To know what I want, what to do, where I want to go. To just know what the future is for you. To see it clearer just like that. But yes, I need to really wake up this idea that everything will just come to me just like that. All these thinking isn't enough. It's always the doing, the actions that matter. It's stuffs I already know. Stuffs I always type about but I don't do them. It's really all talk but no action.
So yes, I can't just wake up when everything is perfect and done. And have my life set for me. Because yea, I have control of my life. I know God makes the plans for us, but He can't do anything if we just sit around and wait for Him to do stuffs. He is God but He isn't a magician. What you do is trust that whatever you do, He wants it to happen and it's the best choice for you. Doing. Lazy is kinda the most common thing I say. An excuse that I use too often. Really too often. And it's really the most invalid excuse ever. But ok at least I'm honest with knowing that I'm lazy. I think I really have always been lazy since young. Have no idea why 'cause my parents and my sister are quite far from being lazy. Yep, probably really need to learn more from them.
And you know, sometimes I really forget the stuffs that I did before. Because actually, it doesn't really matter now. What you did in the past are important because they shape who you are now. But if you don't continue being like that now, it really doesn't matter if you used to be some CCA leader or exco member or what not. And if at times you forget about being like that, means yea you really suck. Lol! Ok I think at times I put myself down a lot. Sometimes I forgot that I was once capable of stuffs. And that I am still capable of them as long as I put myself out there for it. Sometimes, you just forget who you are. Strange as it may sound but yea, sometimes you just lost yourself. With so many people in this world, it's easy to lose yourself.
This song here is actually really quite good. Haha! You know, I really think I'm quite a confused person at times. Lol! As in I know what I want, but at times I really don't. But I make it seem like I know what I'm doing. Or maybe that's what I thought. I'm quite confusing I guess. Do you find yourself having times when you feel like you really don't know yourself? Yea I guess that's what I'm currently feeling now. Which kinda sucks 'cause it's a new year and I should be happy and sure of life instead of being confused. But ok I guess it actually really doesn't matter? As in ok, probably should just stop typing and go to sleep. I'm not exactly talking coherently anymore. Lack of sleep makes your mind think a lot I realise. And make you all emotional and weird.
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