That feeling where you realise something but don't want to admit it, not even to yourself, because by admitting it means that it's true and you don't want it to be true because it would mean a whole lot of complications. That leap of faith. That freaking leap of faith. When will I be able to take that damn leap of faith? There seems to be too much to lose and probably I'm not daring enough to take that leap of faith. Sometimes I really feel so confused with myself. I can't really be truthful to myself because sometimes the truth seems bad. Honestly, I really have no idea how I'm feeling sometimes. And I thought I am supposed to be the one person who knows my own feelings well.

Maybe it's this looming two zero that is making me so unsure of what I want in life. That it kinda scares me that I have already lived 2 decades of my life. And the future seems so unsure and a blur. But I guess it takes time to figure out what exactly you want. It takes time to be truthful to yourself. To know what exactly you want. And to take that leap of faith. Important things in life take time to happen. Don't rush it and just be patient. (HAHA! I sound so rhymey.) I guess yea, I will soon figure everything out one day. Hopefully soon. And hopefully, I'll be truthful to myself.

And you also realised how in life, you can't have everything. And some things just strangely happen, with no explanation whatsoever and it may seem weird to you at first, but slowly you will realise how it honestly doesn't matter and ultimately, it's really about the people who stay and who you know will somehow always be there even if they aren't around physical. That some people are just meant to be those constants in your life and some just aren't. And just be crazy hell thankful for those that are and hold on to them because they are so worth it. And that yes, if you know they are worth it, you have to make time for them as well. But yea, making time for them is the most worthy thing to do. They are more than you need and yes they are all that matters.

I guess one thing I am still in the process of learning is letting go. Because yea, some things really just don't matter anymore. Yes, it used to matter. But now, things change, people change. Even though I still haven't exactly master that art of letting go, I guess I'll know after awhile. Slowly but surely. One day, you will find out how you really don't have time to bother about people who don't matter because you already don't have enough time to bother about those who matter. They say that most of the time we care about the people who don't matter more than the people who matter. But I believe it's really wrong. Because I'm quite sure that one is smart enough to figure who are worth the time and effort and who aren't.