Joy is in the moment, but hope is in tomorrow.

I miss photography. Really taking photos taking photos. I miss going out for going out. Like the whole day really just go out and have fun. Not just meeting for dinner that kind.

Recess week isn't much of a recess week since nobody is free even if you are. Haha! But ok, at least I can take a break from school. A much needed break. Can't believe it's just 7 weeks of school and I'm kinda sick of it already. I really hope it's because it's just the first sem. And that things will get better in year 2 onwards.

But yep. I realise I really need CCA. Lol! Should probably be more active with stuffs. Quite like nothing much happening. But then a lot of events and stuffs happen on weekends. And weekends I want to meet up with friends outside of uni. Because it's the only common free days. I swear man. Next sem, I'm going to try to make my timetable in a way that I'll have free weekdays with some people so that it kinda benefits. HAHA! Even though free days also means going back to school sometimes. For projects. =\

 Joy is in the moment, but hope is in tomorrow.

I was reading some stuffs and this quote kinda struck me.  It's a really simple quote though. But I realise how sometimes you really need to remember this. To enojy the moment, enjoy every bit of it because it won't come again. And continue to hope for the future. Plan for the future and hope is a very powerful thing. Hope give you courage to do something. To achieve things even though you may be in doubt.

Such simple things that we tend to forget with all this life coming on at us. Sigh. I really have a talent in missing people. =\ Need more life huh. Haha! But ok, still quite glad that I still get to meet some people from time to time. Just that it kinda gets addictive in meeting them. HAHA! You just want more lar. And I miss chalets too. =\ Realised also how the next time we'll probably have chalet is only after the bitches from army finally ORD-ed. And then we need to wait some more for the poly kids to ORD also. Army ah, is quite annoying. Lol! But ok, so is uni lar.

And I want to travel. Yep, as always. Haha! Really hope that I get to go away for awhile in Decemeber. Even if it's a few hours to Malaysia. Ok lar. I think December life won't suck so much since there honestly won't be any work that needs to be done. Good thing about university is that once that sem is over, it's really over. And your holidays you can really enjoy them.

Alright, time to start doing stuffs and not waste time already. Haha! Sigh. I miss Korea. And I still haven't finish posting about it. LOL! But I think I can still remember most of it. Too many things we did already lar. Haha!

See them many people on my laptop regularly but still miss them. Sigh. Ok sounds like I'm some strange scary stalker but they are just nice photos on my wallpaper. Maybe that's why my sister doesn't put photos of people on her wallpaper. HAHA!

Anyway, sigh. I don't know why I'm feeling so sian now but I am. But actually, I'm alright. I don't really know how to describe this feeling. It's like I have many things to do but all I really want to do is just go somewhere and watch my shows and be happy and do the things I like and I want. And not assignments and shits.

And I really have conflicting issues. Lol! Last week I was free with nothing much to do and no deadline to adhere to and I was happy but I also felt too free and weird and want to be busy. This week, I have many things to do, deadlines that are coming very very soon and many other random shits but I'm busier and I'm not happy about it. Lol! Nothing can satisfy me sia. Damn horrible.

Oh well. Ok, I really need to make this blog more interesting and less complainy. But ok, at least it still serves as a good platform for me to get my thoughts going and let me start writing stuffs that actually somewhat make sense.

AHHH. This makes me love Fix You even more. Haha! It's already my favourite Coldplay song. Oh man, I realise how the lyircs really links up to what this paragraph above says now. FREAKING SWEET. Coldplay really needs to come Singapore again. =( I'm so itching to go for concerts now. Just that concerts need money and good bands or artists to come. OneRepublic is coming!! But I think it's too ex and I think I'm not free that day too. =\

And I miss my favourite people. All of them. Everyone. Primary, secondary and JC. Sigh. But yes, this university doesn't allow me to meet people often. Sucks. And ok not just university, 3 universities and army and polytechnics and working. And I realise that yea lor, ok lar, bottom line is that I'll really rather do nonsense stuffs than do study and projects. =\

BUT OK! I actually not that bad lar. Still get to see some people from time to time. So I'm happy. HAHA! Like for awhile also I'm happy. And ok, life honestly isn't that bad lar. Just quite lazy to update about life stuffs. I realise my blog now really is for purely ranting and stuffs.

Okok! Recess is next week!! Maybe I'll get on to posting some nicer stuffs. Like Korea Trip maybe. HAHA! Ok I'm lying. Recess week is going to be a bitch too I think. Most likely I'll get my real break after 2nd December. SO YES, few more weeks let's go. Really, whoever said university is going to be easier lied a lot.

nostalgia is a bitch

I wanted to post something and all I can kinda come up with is missing people and missing the slack and fun life I had before school started abt a month ago. Sigh. I think nostalgia this thing will never get away from me. Ever since secondary school, I nostalgic already. LOL!

First group of friends who are still my friends. Who I still miss. Who I don't get why I don't see them often even though we all live so very freaking near each other. Gah. Except for the boy who's in UK now. Regardless, I still miss them all. Probabaly except Feli and Swap. For the two of them, I'm just crazy glad that I'm in the same school with them. And to be able to have someone to accompany you for shit when you are alone. HAHA! But yes, I really miss these people. Probably 'cause I haven't talk to them for a long time also. Like wah, university is overwhelming.

And then there are many other friends who are annoying too. Who I just miss too. =( Secondary school and JC. ALL OF THEM LAR. It's damn annoying 'cause I want to meet up with everyone but then there is only 2 days in the weekend and I still have to study. Bitch sia. Damn bitch. I don't like this. Sigh. I guess ok, at least uni friends I'm not like crazy close with them yet. LOL! As in like, you get what I mean. Or rather, I won't miss them since I'll still see them around school and stuffs I guess. But so far, I like all my new friends. =D I like my group mates for all the group projects so far. They are all very nice and on people. And damn funny. Haha! But yea lar, my ultimate comfort is with my old friends, people who can just be stupid and talk nonsense and speak whatever lar. People who I can talk for ages.

But yep, uni is really very very overwhelming. But I still want my life. So I can't just study and do projects all day. And I miss going out in daylight. Like proper go out and not meet up for dinner. I miss going out for going out. Like really wearing nicely to go out to shop or to just sit somewhere and talk for hours. And take nice photos. Because I realise my camera is so boring now. As in I think my camera is bored. =\ Like really sia. All not fun one. I still do bring my camera for projects and stuffs. But then it's like take photos of projects and stuffs. Not for fun. And my Holga. Smart smart me go buy 3 rolls of film only to realise that "HEY! I HAVE SCHOOL AND I HAVE NO TIME TO TAKE PHOTOS AT ALL!"

And ok I admit, I'm lazy too, in asking people out. A bit tired ah. Probably tired of everything and tired of asking too. But then I realise that yep, if I don't ask, it's really damn hard to meet up because no one else will. Ok sometimes some other people will (WHICH I AM DAMN THANKFUL FOR) but yep, I shouldn't be lazy since I'm the one who wants to see them people anyway. Such annoying friends sia. Or probably they are equally lazy too and just waiting for me to ask. Or maybe I'm the only loser who misses the world. Oh well.

So many million things to do and I'm still typing here. Ok lar, I guess I really just need to start somewhere. I realise this blog has become a ranting blog and no longer one with nice nice stuffs or activities I do. =\ So sad lar. Probably should post some inspirational stuffs soon. HAHA! But I'm honestly not feeling that inspired lately.

But alright, I'm honestly still pretty thankful to many things and stuffs. It's just normal to rant about life's everything I guess. Because yep, that's what life is. About ranting. HAHA! Okok. Tmr morning, I MUST START WORK.

(LOL. I REALISE HOW MY POST FROM ONE WEEK AGO IS SO SIMLAR TO THIS POST HERE. I SUCK IN LIFE. I REALLY DO. PROBABLY NEED MORE LIFE TOO.)

Once again, I have no idea how suddenly it's going to be 12am and it's going to be Monday all over again. This is going to be ther 5th week of school and wow, it's really scary. Lol! As in scary how fast time is flying by. And how there are so many projects and assignments and readings and what not. University, is not easy, not at all. You thought that the toughest time was JC but nope, not really. Ok to be true, currently, I will say that JC was still a lot more hiong than now. 'Cause I kinda still have time to waste now. Just that, I can feel that it's really going to be worse than JC. Maybe not this semester, but the next or maybe in year 2/3/4.

Time is really flying by. So hard to even catch my breath. And you forgot how long you haven't meet up with people. And you miss them terribly but then you really got no time to meet up also. Damn sad. And how you also lazy to ask them to meet up. Lol! Ok, probably need to stop the laziness because you know that they are people who you need to meet up once in awhile to keep you sane in this hectic uni life. And gah, I feel so bad for not remembering some stuffs. But ok, I guess people do understand. Haha!

And I guess me not going for any OCSP this December can be a good thing. Since there is only one month break, I should probably take this one month to learn stuffs. Like Photoshop and iMovie and Excel. Lol! Things that I will confirm need in the future. And things I'll like to use. HAHA! I realise iMovie is really pretty awesome. So so SO much better than Windows Movie Maker. Yes, I really used Windows Movie Maker to make videos last time. Such terrible thing but I somehow managed to do it. LOL! Ok lar, last time the videos I made were super simple and normal and not very nice actually. So yes, I'm going to take this Dec hols to learn!!

And maybe family trip. HAHA! I also don't know. This strange family of mine and their crazy spontaneous trips. That day my mum damn joke. I was asking her something about her day and she thought I was asking about overseas or something so she was like "Oh! Maybe we can go Australia." Ok sure, mum. Ohya! I think I've mentioned this before but never mind, I'll say again. Haha! My dad has eben promising me to a trip to Australia every year since when I actually wanted to go Australia in primary 4/5. Now, I'm in university year 1, and I haven't go to Australia before. HAHA! Horrible father. But ok lar, he brought me to other places so it's fine. Haha! Just that it's really quite funny how he really has been saying since so long. Until I don't really care about going Australia now. Haha! Ok lar, I still want to go. But it can wait. Haha! GRAD TRIP. =D So horrible to be thinking about grad trip now when I'm only just starting school. Lol! But ahhh, I really love travelling. Should probably find a job that allows me to travel. Heh.

Shall head back to my work. But yes, I really want to go out for going out and to wear nice clothes for going out and not for school and to take photos using my Holga (because I just put in a new roll of film) and to take photos using my DSLR (because it's been sitting at home for too long) and to just play and to have fun and to use my Macbook to play with photobooth instead of to do work. Sigh. And I really want to go Kbox as well. =( But ok if you think about it, my next long break is actually going to come very quickly in Decemeber. So that's about 11 more weeks. I CAN DO THIS.

talks that I miss

I have the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. The ability to just sit and talk. About love, about life, about anything, about everything. To sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our lives slowing to a crawl. Bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitations. To speak without regret or fear of consequence. To talk for hours and about what’s really important in life.

I really miss having the luxury of time to do this. Even though I know I still can, it's different now that school started. And everyone is just everywhere. And it's so hard to meet up even though you want to meet up so much. It's sad though. =\ Like ah, I really want to meet up with so many people but there are only 2 weekends in a week. And even those 2 weekends, you may have to go back school for projects or meet up for projects. And that's it.

I guess this is truly the test of time. It's so strange though. How you hear people saying about how university is the time when it really tests friendships and stuffs and you don't believe them until it really is happening. To be true, I still don't have doubts in my friendships. Just that sigh, I miss them. And it's really not like I don't want to meet up. Schedule this thing is a bitch. So hard to find a day where everyone is free. And then there are people who are going overseas. Going internship and all sorts. Annoying army boys, uni students, poly students, working friends. Everyone is just everywhere.

Yea lar, I know that if it's really important, if it matters, time won't take them away from you.  Just that, you can't help feeling disappointed with some people who just can't seem to be bothered. And how those people who bother genuinely can't make it. Such a strange concept. And this technology-savyy world is supposingly helping us to get closer but sometiems it feels like it's getting us further. Or rather, I don't know lar. I think I'm still partly disappointed with some people for their lack of response. But I know that there really isn't any point in feeling disappointed already lar. And maybe I'm feeling sad too 'cause I realise how important some people can be. LOL! I feel like I'm typing in codes.

Ah well. Probably quite tired from the meetings today. And the fact that there's school tmr. And how I'm supposed to go bathe but I'm so lazy to. (Yes I'm very gross I know.)

But yes, I really miss the times when we can just sit and talk for hours and hours and not caring if we are wasting time because we can afford to do so. I miss the times when I can really just sit and stare and enjoy life without having this "I still have million of things I need to do" bugging me behind my head. I miss people. I miss living life. Lol! I'm really a sucker for old friends huh. Haha! Ok lar, not say old friends. My good friends happened to be my old friends. HAHA! It takes me awhie to warm up to people so yea lar. But ok at least uni friends wise, there are some who I can click with so that's good I guess!

AHHH I'm just feeling very emotional now. Sort of. Not really emotional. But maybe in the I know I have many things to do but I'll rather blog forever instead of doing them. Quite horrible lar. But just this inertia. Probably should go bathe soon. It's kinda very late already. Lol!

because it will always get better

I realise it's always nice to see people who you like after a long day. HAHA! As in even though you had a very long day, and is really crazy tired but you still have to meet these people, it's a great feeling somehow. And to know that they are waiting for you to come and ah, just very sweet lar. LOL! It sounds quite ego but really feels quite nice when you see them waiting for you all. Got this nice feeling. To know that people are waiting for you always is a nice feeling lar. Haha! Even though you are crazy tired, you are crazy happy too. =) And even if you don't meet them for long, it still feels great because you still get to see them.

So yep! Met up today with the rest for farewell dinner for Shaohao!! This boy's going to UK for 7 months for army training. Super sad 'cause he's missing his birthday, New year and CNY. I think I might have mention this before but yes, it's really sad. =\ And he's the only boy who bothers to reply my sms. =( Ok lar. Other people do too. It's just they need personalised ones then they will reply. Tsk.

Hopefully we can send him off on Saturday!! I'll forgo my buffet dinner if really have to. (HAHA! Ok maybe not. But that's because he won't encourage me doing that too. =D) But yea lar. Really hope can still see him once more before he goes. Even though yes yes, we can go on months without seeing each other last time but different ar now. We like must meet at least once a month or so now. HAHA! We suck but it's ok. =D

Yep, I just realise yea, it's really always nice to remember how you will have these group of people who will just help you get through ups and downs and everything.

And yes, not just the people in this photo lar. Haha! I do realise I have kinda a lot of close friends but you guys are really all special to me. You know who you are lar so it's good. Haha! Thankyou for having faith in me even when I don't have faith in myself. Yes, something I discovered last year is that I really rely on other's faith in me to do well. Lol! As in I'm more motivated to do well when I know that other people have faith in me. But yes, I also need to establish good faith in myself as well.

Anyway, yep!! Survived yesterday!!! It's the most hectic day ever and I don't think I'll have any more days so crazy so thank God. In school from 8am to 8pm. 12 hours!! With one half an hour break and two fifteen minutes break. So yep. It's really crazy. But all good. Just that I sat through a 3h and 15mins lesson without learning anything from it completely and was struggling to stay awake throughout the whole lesson and my brain just rejected all the new stuffs that the prof was teaching. Quite scary and screwed 'cause I thought stats was getting better but nope. It's not.

But yes, I shall stop here and get on with work. Crazy drained but still so much more to do. Yes, this feels more like university life now.

OHYA!! I joined Yoga too. HAHA! Don't laugh. Ok lar, actually can laugh. I was quite amused that I actually really did sign up for yoga too. Accompanying Lung!! Haha! But ok lar, yoga is good. And yes!! Me flexible. HAHA! I cannot imagine though. First lesson yesterday I was really dying. Stiff means stiff ah. Very hard to change. Lol! But yes yes, I will try to loosen some muscles and all. See if these 8 sessions will pay off. =D I highly doubt it will but slightly less stiff ar. Maybe.

golden mouth

I blame my hair, the rain and many other stuffs for my weird mood now. Ok, I guess I just need to rant. Week 3 now. And I feel really scared somehow. Ok maybe not scared but I don't know. More like how am I going to get through these 4 years. =\ I know it's just the start and I will get used to it after awhile. I just need to start and things will be fine. Eventually. But ah, I don't know. It seems hard. =\ I think I'm probably just not used to it yet. But wah, it's really only the 3rd week and here I am feeling scared and all.

And I think I'm being too paranoid. But gah, it's tough. =\ Like speaking up all. Me and my golden mouth. It's been like that since forever but I know I really must open this golden mouth soon. Didn't know I was that bad. Haha! Ok lar, kinda do, just that for 12 years I ca sort of get away with it. But now cannot already. =\

And this confidence shit. I really downgrade myself a lot. It's damn bad actually. And I need to prepare in advance more. Sigh. I really don't know lar. Feel so confused and all.

I think I need to just breathe and take it slow and stop stressing myself. Ok need to stress myself to make me do stuffs but don't feel that you can't do it and all. Ok I really ah. I'm blaming this thick hair for my lack of brain cells. It's like clogging up space for information to get in my head.

SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK. IT'S NOT THAT HARD. YOU HAVE BEEN SPEAKING SINCE WHAT, 1 YEARS OLD. AND YOU HAD SPOKE SMART AND QUALITY STUFFS BEFORE.  AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T SPEAK ALL THAT SMARTLY, AT LEAST YOU SPEAK AND CONTRIBUTE AND MAKE YOUR IDEAS KNOWN TO THE WORLD. BECAUSE IF YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOREVER, IT'S GOING TO STAY CLOSE FOREVER AND REALLY, THESE 4 YEARS WILL NOT BE A SMOOTH JOURNEY FOR YOU. SO SPEAK. WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY SCARED OF?

Honestly, I really don't know why I don't speak sometimes. =\ It's damn weird lar. I cannot stand myself. I think I'm being too hard on myself. Like it's only the 3rd week. I should cut myself some slack. This brain of mine really sucks. Sometimes it thinks too much and sometimes it thinks too little. This mouth can talk all nonsense with people but can't seem to talk useful and concrete stuffs. I don't get it lar. I think my brain is just not used to thinking and working yet. At least that's what I hope.

Ah, I really miss it when school was easier and simple. And when I have greater confidence of myself. Ok, I really don't know what's happening. I think I just got too used to life without school, where you just go out with the same old few friends and just eat, play and sleep. Occasionally read some books and don't need to use your brain much. Travel to countries. Get away from Singapore. Do stuffs that you really like and want to do.