take that money, watch it burn

[ Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard,
Said, no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars, yeah we'll be counting stars ]

Counting Stars - OneRepublic

Slighly regret not going for OneRepublic's concert. They are kinda good. LOL! Gah. Hopefully they will come back again. I really hope someone good will come this year. I want to go to a concert again.

Anyway, dreams. Dreams. Nice dreams. Are very annoying. And then it's weird. Lol! I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I'm just slightly angry at my dream for being so nice. Haha! Ok I'm like really hard to satisfy. As in I guess dreams reflect stuffs that you sort of want in reality. But it's dreams huh. So they aren't real and you know it won't.

Ok lar. Nice dreams are still nice. I won't hate on them. Haha! It's just kinda confusing I guess. But yep, I won't let dreams confuse me 'cause it's just kinda stupid. Lol! Somehow, just make yourself busy and you won't be confused. And have that clear direction stuffs. It's annoying how planning is important and you know it.

First, finish this semester well.

AND I want to sing again. So damn addictive to sing.  =(

two zero

So I've turned 20 yesterday. Lol! Honestly, it' so weird because it doesn't seem like anything. I guess at some point in time, age doesn't really matter that much anymore and yes you kinda want to stop growing older too but you also just accept the fact that you are getting older.

But what's awesome about birthdays is when you spend it with people who matter. And erm, receiving nice birthday wishes from your friends. LOL! Yes yes, I think I'm kinda too particular about birthday smses and stuffs but ehhh it does make your whole day a lot better when your phone is vibrating with nice long messages. Ok, I think I ask too much but you will really want to read nice stuffs about yourself on your birthday what. Only once a year when people say nice stuffs about you. Or maybe I'm just sad that I only hear nice things about myself once a year. HAHA! Ok I kid.

ANYWAY, ok, confession time here. I was initially quite sad that day. HAHA! Not because I know that no one is going to celebrate my birthday ok. I'm ok with not celebrating my birthday on my birthday or not celebrating at all. It comes to an age where it just really doesn't matter. As long as that day you feel happy and stuffs, that's all that matters. And I sort of had a somewhat celebration on Sunday with those people though it was actually just singing session but I had fun so that's enough. Haha!

I guess I was sad 'cause erm, yes birthday messages. LOL! But for the most part, those who did wish me, thank you~ Heh. Probably this has got to do with age also. Lol! Like somehow I don't really know why I was feeling sad but I kinda just was sad. And being sad on your birthday is just sad. Haha!

So anyway, instead of the usual sleeping early on the day before my birthday thing that I usually do, I stayed up instead 'cause ok, I had some stuffs I need to do. Work stuffs ah. But I forgot what did I actually do. LOL! Anyway, so at around 12.10am, I saw Feli's big face on my phone screen 'cause she was calling me. HAHA!

On the other end, I heard 3 voices. HAHA! So yep, it was Feli, Swe and Junyuan. HAHA! Kinda our agents thingy to call on birthdays when we feel like it. Haha! Brendan was supposed to call too but he had some last minute army stuffs. So the 3 of them started singing and yes, it's damn hilarious 'cause usually I'm the one calling and not the one receiving. HAHA! So yes, it was kinda funny. I teared laughing though. Haha! But yes, they are really sweet to stay up even though those 2 boys were in camp. Haha! Weirdo friends but love them lar.

And Qiaofen was the first to text me again. She'll always aim to be the first to text me on my birthday and somehow she always succeed. Haha! And Maddy whatsapp! And then somehow I became Queen. HAHA! On my birthday only. Because I can only be queen once a year and it's my birthday. HAHA! Yes, that's something I made up myself.

Anyway, so woke up next morning and went to accompany my grandfather to the polyclinic for some check up! Was supposed to meet Sim at 11am to study. And I thought 11am was a normal wake up timing for this woman but nope. HAHA! Okok I won't bitch about it again you are awesome ok!

After helping my grandfather to collect the medicines and stuffs, I went over to Junction 10 to get some studying done. I was quite productive somehow. Haha! Probably 'cause I was alone with nothing else to do and maybe 'cause I'm a year older. HAHA! Ok lies. But yea, just had the time to study mood.

But yes, as I was sitting there at Toastbox, and waiting for that Sim, I was kinda sian and sad. Lol! Can't help it to be sad ba! Like your birthday you sit there and study, while calling that friend who was supposed to meet you but was still sleeping. HAHA!

But yes, finally she woke up and I was happier. HAHA! So we went to settle some stuffs which I will post about it more next time and head over to plaza to study. So this woman said to go Senja CC to study straight at first. Then suddenly she said she was hungry and wanted to grab some snacks from plaza before going over. Which I was fine 'cause I was hungry also.

Then when we reached plaza, instead of finding food at level 1, she went up the escalator 'cause she said she wanted other food. LOL! She kinda suck ah. Haha! So I was like no, I want to get snacks so I almost wanted to go down the escalator again but she pulled me to Garden Plaza.

Then bam. I see 3 people sitting at this random corner of the garden plaza. HAHA!

So 2 Indians skippped class for me. Haha! Or rather, they are not feeling all that well to attend class. Heh.

But okok, I was really touched. Though my face like zoned-out and emotionless 'cause honestly I didn't expected anything and was actually quite stunned. HAHA! Like really didn't know how to react and just confused. Like for last year's birthday, I expected them to be around (minus Weiying) so it wasn't that much of a shock. HAHA!

But yes, thank you for always doing something every single year even though it wasn't much but it still means something to me. Haha! For making me see you all on every 27th Jan of the year since 2010 and to know that somehow I will see these 4 faces on every 27th Jan to come as long as they are free and I am free and ok lar, they are just awesome. HAHA! Too lazy to type more. But yes, you guys know how much you all mean to me. =)

So we happy happy go each a cup and sit and chill. Supposed to do work but of course we didn't. HAHA!

After that my mama called and they say to pick me up to have dinner at my grandma's house. So I went to my grandma's house for dinner~ Apparently I sort of spoiled some plans but it ain't my fault that no one let me in on the plans. Heh.

Ok anyway, so had dinner and went to fetch my sissy at NUS! I drive. =D Seriously seriously can't wait for the day where my parents can finally let me drive the car without having them around.  Getting slightly annoyed since there's just 4 more months before it's one year since I got my license. =\ But okok I know, it's all about safetly and stuffs. And my mum kinda did sort of promise me that after one year then I can drive it alone. Hopefully she sticks to her words. Haha!

ANYWAY, so went to bpp so that my mum and my sis can go buy cake. Haha! Went home and yep cake cake all. HAHA! This is such a stupid post but ok it's my blog so not much people will read anyway.

So yes, love my mum, love my dad, love my sister. For many many reasons which I am very tired to type out but yes, love them all and can't imagine life without them so yes they are the most important human beings in my life. I am always that youngest child in the family and yes I like it. Heh.

Then suddenly as we were eating the cake, my house phone rang. And I saw Sim's HP number on it. HAHA! So ok, I sort of guessed that something is up. But I don't know what. So it's scary. And then she say to tell me to go downstairs 'cause Swap took something from me. (WHICH SHE ACTUALLY DID BUT DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL SHE GOT HOME.) Ok, I'm not raging ah. Just that caps more fun. Heh.

Anyway, so of course something is wrong. But yea lar, I just go down then. LOL! So I opened the door and see 5 weirdos outside the door. I swear, this sight of seeing people outside the door on my birthday is becoming a little bit familiar. HAHA! So yes, they are my BGS friends plus Feli plus Swap. Haha!

They are damn hilarious 'cause they started singing CNY song instead. HAHA! With that Apple Strudel. Probably Sherlyn's idea. Haha! But yes, seriously didn't expect this. Haha! It's kinda funny 'cause Sim is here again too. Lol! but ok, I'll talk about that later. HAHA!

So yep! Honestly super glad and lucky to have met these crazy people for the first lesson in uni and somehow they became my groupmates and yea lar HAHA! They are really quite weird people. Like seriously very weird and strange people but that's why I can relate with them maybe. Haha! Super full of rubbish but I like. Heh. Still can't believe that I'm the 2nd youngest amongst them. HAHA! But yes, so glad to have them in sch so that I'll have nonsense people to accopmany me if I need companions. =D And to study with even though we'll end up doing very rubbish stuffs. =D

Ok so there is this constant woman in like almost everything that happened yesterday except for the family part. HAHA! I won't be gay and post nice nice stuffs 'cause I think I've mentioned a lot already. But yep, seriously cannot stand how the cliques that we are closer to, just so happen that we are both in it. Probably because we are both in it. And omg, I don't get it sia. Facebook I just change my profile photo to one with her and I have ten thousand likes. Maybe 'cause my face is nice there. Probably that's the reason. HAHA! But yea lar yea lar, I'm grateful ok!! Unless you want me say chessy stuffs then don't say I am being unreasonable. Heh.

So yes that's 27th Jan 2014. Haha!

And ohya!! JC PEOPLE~ We really need a better name for us. LOL! They sort of celebrated my birthday for me earlier. =D With a super lame photo. HAHA! But ok it's honestly kinda cute heh. Just that yes I don't appreciate it being posted in Insta but ok lar, at least my top hit on Insta is actually my face and not Pulau Ubin even though it wasn't me who posted that photo. Tsk. But yes, thankyou girls~

 

HAHAHA so appreantly my future boyfriend wears a tight fitting red shirt with muscles and gives me flowers. LOL! Seriously don't get what eun was thinking when she posted that but ok. HAHA! 

OHHHH And we went to sleepover at Eun's hall~ Sharon, Maddy and I. Heh. We kinda stayed up until 4am talking. Though it was kinda me and Maddy only and then Sharon drifted out of her sleep to join us and lousy Eun just K-O. =D

But oh man I really love sleepovers!! Really have the chalet feeling. Ok chalet and sleepovers are the same things. LOL! I MISS THESE LAR!! =( Staying up late at night talking and playing and doing random shit. Sigh I miss people again. =\

But ok that's beside the point. Haha! I guess my point here is that birthdays are speical days no matter what. But even if it isn't a completely wonderful day, and even if no one celebrates that day with you, as long as you know that people do care about you and that you actually matter to people, that's all that really truly matters I guess? How some stuffs, you don't need to be told. You know it in your heart. You know where in stand in the hearts of others and that's enough. More than enough. And yes, I'm crazy hell thankful like mad. LOL!

But yes, of course it's always still nice to receive birthday wishes on your birthday. HAHA! But actually, you just need to hear them from people you want to hear. And it's enough. Though ok, some people who I want to hear from never wish. (Yes, they are bitches.) But ok lar, people are busy and not free. And it's not as if they don't care about you, it's just that it slipped their minds and they do kinda suck but yea lar, you know that they do care about you in some ways and it's all good. Haha!

Oh yes, and ok, actually, I know I really have no rights to complain about anything 'cause the weekend before my birthday was kinda pretty awesome. Heh.

So yes after very very long, I finally have my big group outings. Heh. So yes, NFC Reunion breakfast!! =D Brunch more like it. Haha! And it's our 5th year~ =) Didn't really expect so many people to actually turn up so was quite happy. Haha! Super long since we met up as such a big group of us already. And yes, it's a tradition that we cannot break for a long long time. =)

And it's quite funny how we all just went to take the MRT together and go to town. HAHA! Like this whole big group of us. And the guys probably didn't know what they were doing and just follow along. LOL! It's really quite funny lar. 

And another big group~ Heh. Technically, Kenneth was supposed to be there also but he only appeared at plaza for awhile but never join us for Teo Heng. It's quite funny how singing is the thing that got all these annoying boys out of their houses. Though ok probably not exactly singing. But not that bad. Haha! Oh and Feli came to join us after her tuition too! Though we ended already. But nevermind!! We can always go again. =D Teo Hen will always be there! And must go when Shaohao is back too. Haha!

Actually, I think it's the first time I'm singing with so many people. And the best part is that I still sing like no tomorrow sia. Ok lar, I know that I'll still sing like no tomorrow 'cause it's them. I'm not like Faeqa who pretends to act shy around guys. HAHA! She told us that she won't go all out that day 'cause got the guys around, but evidently she lied 'cause she wasn't even close to shy please. Act only sia. Haha! But omg, it's really damn hilarious when Changhui really had to cover his ears 'cause Faeqa was screaming too damn loudly.

And I realise when it comes to going Teo Heng and various singing places, the way girls "sing" is actually just sceraming. HAHA! Ok, we will try to sing sometimes but sometimes it just feels so much better to scream and shout and let it all out~ Hah. (I think I'm really quite punny when I'm tired but that's just when I'm tired.)

ANYWAY, for guys, they will actually legitly sing. HAHA! Or rather, I realise how good singers the guys are!! Probably because when we sing last time, we were all too damn loud that we cover all their voices away so we never knew that they can actually sing. LOL! BUT YES!! THEY CAN SING!! They are honestly quite good. So proud. HAHA! Yes I swear they are my little brothers.

But anyway, oh man, I really love singing with them. How we really just scream and shout to Linkin Park and many other songs. Like honestly just don't care. And doing weird random actions and jumping around and thinking that we are all rockstars when we are far from that. Haha! Ok yes we need another round 2. =D

But ok lar, I miss talking to them though. Lol! Feels like a really long time since I talked to them proper. And yes, they all bitches who just went home or went out straight away after Teo Heng. But ok, they completed what they had to do so I'm proud of them too.With much force needed though but whatever lar. At least it's done~

Anyway, so yes, I had a great weekend to my birthday. Heh. So actually, I really honestly am ok with not celerating my birthday. Haha! As in yea, just need to send me nice bday message and I'll be happy. Easily satisfied one. Haha! Okok, still grateful and thankful to all the awesome people in my life. Who made a difference in my life and who really matters to me.

I think I have a lot of typos and errors in this post here and there but my eyelids are closing so I'm not going to bother already.

And yes, this woman here is 20 years old already. 2 decades, how?

That feeling where you realise something but don't want to admit it, not even to yourself, because by admitting it means that it's true and you don't want it to be true because it would mean a whole lot of complications. That leap of faith. That freaking leap of faith. When will I be able to take that damn leap of faith? There seems to be too much to lose and probably I'm not daring enough to take that leap of faith. Sometimes I really feel so confused with myself. I can't really be truthful to myself because sometimes the truth seems bad. Honestly, I really have no idea how I'm feeling sometimes. And I thought I am supposed to be the one person who knows my own feelings well.

Maybe it's this looming two zero that is making me so unsure of what I want in life. That it kinda scares me that I have already lived 2 decades of my life. And the future seems so unsure and a blur. But I guess it takes time to figure out what exactly you want. It takes time to be truthful to yourself. To know what exactly you want. And to take that leap of faith. Important things in life take time to happen. Don't rush it and just be patient. (HAHA! I sound so rhymey.) I guess yea, I will soon figure everything out one day. Hopefully soon. And hopefully, I'll be truthful to myself.

And you also realised how in life, you can't have everything. And some things just strangely happen, with no explanation whatsoever and it may seem weird to you at first, but slowly you will realise how it honestly doesn't matter and ultimately, it's really about the people who stay and who you know will somehow always be there even if they aren't around physical. That some people are just meant to be those constants in your life and some just aren't. And just be crazy hell thankful for those that are and hold on to them because they are so worth it. And that yes, if you know they are worth it, you have to make time for them as well. But yea, making time for them is the most worthy thing to do. They are more than you need and yes they are all that matters.

I guess one thing I am still in the process of learning is letting go. Because yea, some things really just don't matter anymore. Yes, it used to matter. But now, things change, people change. Even though I still haven't exactly master that art of letting go, I guess I'll know after awhile. Slowly but surely. One day, you will find out how you really don't have time to bother about people who don't matter because you already don't have enough time to bother about those who matter. They say that most of the time we care about the people who don't matter more than the people who matter. But I believe it's really wrong. Because I'm quite sure that one is smart enough to figure who are worth the time and effort and who aren't.

not trading, never trading

This strange out of the body moments where you suddenly can't believe how lucky you are to have these people as your friends.

Haha! Yes, another super random thought when I'm supposed to be doing work and study. This semester, I must really really work hard already. I know, me saying now doesn't mean anything. I must really do it. And yes I will.

But yes anyway, I was just stalking myself on insta. HAHA! I think it's really quite fun to stalk your own Instagram and see all the photos you have uploaded with captions. Maybe that's why I started out Instagram. To look back at photos with the captions and stuffs.

Anyway, so I was looking at the photos and yea, I realised how each friend is so special and unique and different, that I'm so lucky and thankful that I can call them my friend. That HEY THAT IS MY FRIEND THERE. Haha! Like how people might be jealous that I have these people as my friends. HAHA! Ok, now I'm thinking too highly of my friends. Heh. But okok, the idea is sort of there.

It's like how Changhui got the Sword of Honour for OCS and we were all so proud of him. Because yes, we can proudly go, "You know that guy there getting his sword from the President, yea, that's my friend." HAHA! Ok, no one actually cares if you say that to them on that day. Lol! But yes, you really feel proud. Haha! I think we were like some proud mothers over there.

I guess my point here is that I'm so thankful to have all these people in my life who I can proudly call them my friends. And I won't ever want to trade them away because I think no one can be as annoying as them. HAHA! Okok no one can be as awesome as them. And no one else can embrace my nonsense as well as they can. =)

glad you came

This is a super random thought but I really just suddenly think of it and it needs to be heard. HAHA!

I'm just thinking how fate is so amazing. How the way God plans your life. How it's just so strange but awesome. Lol! How everything works out and how this life is really unique. How God just makes it like that. Haha!

'Cause I realised how if I wasn't some loser who missed my primary school class a lot, if I didn't bother to meet up and call almost everyone if they are free when and stuffs, I doubt I will have these really pretty awesome bunch of primary school friends whom we will proudly say that "Oh they are my primary school friends" and make a lot of people go "wow". Heh. I know we aren't the only people who still keep in contact with primary school friends but it still kinda amazes me how we honestly became so much closer now. How our friendship grow exponentially? It's so strange. It's honestly a very rare friendship that really still amazes me.

To be honest, I am a lot closer to them now than I was in primary school, so I don't know why I actually miss primary school so much when I went secondary school. Haha! I guess it's the change of environment that scared me or something. I also don't know. I really have no idea what I was thinking about at that age though. Like why did I actually bother to keep in contact with these weirdos. HAHA! I guess Mr Phang probably place a part in this. How he started the first chalet and how we felt the need to continue meeting up.

That day I was talking to Swap about all this and yea, we realised that even though in secondary school we met up and stuffs, we still weren't actually like good friends. We were kinda more of ex-classmates get together. But I guess those meet ups were crucial to us continue to remain in contact after all these years. Then somehow when everyone went JC or poly, we somehow converge back again. LOL! Slowly but yea, quite awesomely. Heh. And then like spam after A levels ended and before the guys enlisted. And how we decided to have a go on HTHT and it actually worked. HAHA! Chalets are awesome. And actually, I think we can be quite tight now is because it's a smaller group now. Which yea, it's cosy and nice.

I guess it just kinda amazes me how everything came into place? How God is pretty amazing. Haha! I won't say that we share every single thing going on in our lives with each other, that we are each others only friends, but we know that each other is important somehow and yea, I'm honestly crazy glad that I bothered. That me bothering was really worth it. Haha! And of course, them bothering too. If they didn't bother, we won't be like this too. Haha! It will just make me look like some loser really. LOL! Though yea lar, at times they do pissed me off with their non-replies, but when you meet up and stuffs, when you see and talk to them, it kinda makes up for everything. And makes you realise why bothering is worth it. Haha!

You know, I think I've mentioned this thing before. LOL! But whatever lar, it's kinda true. As in just how amazing things happen. Haha! Like why did I do this and that. And how it all led to the present. How our actions in the past show about the present and actions in the present to the future. And why some people are worth it. Probably God knows that these are the friends who I will need to hold on to forever in life. HAHA! That amidst all the changes in your life, there are still some constants around. And they are worth every effort.

I guess what's special about us is that we weren't friends in primary school. We only became friends after we graduated from primary school, and how the friendship just grow stronger. For secondary and JC friends, they weren't just mere classmates, they were really my friends that kinda thing. So it's different. Like we were close during school times already. Primary school, the friends you make are really just your playmates and classmates. To be really your friend, it takes after graduation to really see it happen? I don't really know how to say but yea, they are just awesome lar. Lol! Really glad they came into my life and didn't leave. Haha! Sounds damn cheesy but yes yes, it's true.

Ok probably everyone is sick of me going on about my primary school friends since forever in many many posts. Too bad ah, they are my oldest friends and somehow they are still my friends now so yep. Haha! Okok sleep yes. Really need to.

it's easy

So I'm done with my first week of school. Haha! Doesn't feel that great though 'cause I know I have a million more things to do in the other weeks, all the way until 21st April which is my last paper for finals. Haha! Yes, it's quite horrible but I'm really starting to countdown towards it. This week is honestly just a fun chill restart week. And I kinda don't want it to end 'cause week 2 onwards, things will just get crazier and crazier. =\

BUT YES!! I know I have to really manage my time better. Stop sleeping and slacking so much. Control myself like crazy sia. I must really buck up like mad. Cannot leave stuffs to last minute because university doesn't work that way anymore. Cramming last minute doesn't help at all. Need to really wake up my ideas and study hard.

Besides that, I really need to do more stuffs for uni too. Lol! Yes, studies aside, uni life all is important too. I guess yea, I should be more proactive in signing up for stuffs and not be motivated to do so because I have friends to accompany me. Lol! Need to make friends and stuffs!! And also I realise no matter where you go, somehow there will be someone you know one. Lol! Or rather, I think I'm really lucky somehow. Haha!

Ah well, even if I can't do much this semester, I can concentrate on my studies like crazy. And yep, year 2!! Yea me not planning in December wasn't that wise. But I guess when you don't plan when you are free, you have more urgency to do so now and you'll actually get something up. Sure, they aren't long term plans and are rather spontaneous but I guess probably I work that way. Lol! I thought that I'm those that prefer planning in advance and stuffs but maybe I'm not. LOL! Or rather, I try to be one of those who plan in advance but I am actually those who do last minute and spontaneous things. I think spontaneous has been working alright for me so far so it's all good. Haha!

And yep, family and friends are really important. With them around, it's easy. Going home to family, seeing my mum and my dad and my sister. Talking to them, even if it's just for a few short minutes, makes everything better somehow. Complaining about stuffs and all to them. Where they will listen and give their opinion. Even if they pretend to listen sometimes. HAHA! Yea lar, sometimes quite annoying that it's so obvious that they aren't really listening but you just go on speaking anyway and they continue to listen anyway. Haha! Yes, I really hope I can travel with them during summer break. Kinda miss travelling with family sometimes. Lol! Though we somehow will have certain unpleasant stuffs but which family doesn't have travelling bad moods when they travel together?

Friends, they are really just important to make you laugh and go crazy and complain with when things starts to get tough. People to just accompany you and walk with you through this phase. Haha! Even if you aren't exactly in the same phase, sometimes it's just really nice to know that they will always be around in some ways and somehow. That yea, they are for life and all. And you are so bloody thankful to have them in your life. Some friends, you really don't need to see them often but they just matter so much and you know that they are honestly people who will follow you for life. Lol! Yes, meet up will be less frequent but we'll deal with it and I think we'll deal with it well. Because really, when you find people who are just the greatest friends ever, you know it, they know it and it will all be alright. You don't need to be scared or afraid that things will change. I mean things will change sure, but solid friendships are really just there. HAHA! I don't really know how to say this properly but I guess I'm just so grateful to have people who are just awesome. People who I can honestly speak without thinking and just blabber on and forever more. HAHA! Poor you to have to endure all my weird blabbering and stuffs but I am important to your lives too so too bad ah. Heh.

Hence, I can't wait for summer break so that I can meet these friends again. =D Ok lar, honestly, if you make the effort and stuffs, it's possible to meet up even during school term. But I guess the thing about during school term is that the priority for those 3 to 4 months have to be slightly different I guess. Yes yes, I think last semester I really kinda spend too much time going out and stuffs. Though I don't think I went out a lot. LOL! Oh well. But yes, must really buck up this time. As much as I really miss my friends, I know that they won't runaway. They got no where to run to anyway. Haha!

Yes! I can do this! First week only! Haha! Ok I'm not feeling the stress all yet. But yep, I'm more prepared now I guess? After going through one semester. And actually, I'm quite looking forward to what lies ahead of me. Like the next few many semesters. I know, it's a bit thinking too far in advance but yea sometimes we really need to think far. But yes, I'm quite excited to see what lies ahead of me. Internship, exchange programme and all that. University life is honestly kinda exciting sometimes if you make it interesting. Haha! And yes, we have the power to make it more interesting too. Just depending on whether you yourself want to make it interesting. It's very much independent and the onus is on yourself to make the difference so yep, I guess we have to seek for opportunities sometimes and grab hold of the opportunities given to you as well.

I'm feeling all postive about this. HAHA! No idea why but I guess it's a good start! And yep, learn to talk more too. LOL! As in in class and stuffs. Probably talk too much with my friends but that's besides the point. Okok time to sleep. Sleep is very important now too so yes should sleep early and wake up early. It's better that way.

so wake me up when it's all over

[ I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is a prize ]

Wake Me Up - Avicii

I think at some point in time, I really need to start planning. Probably soon actually. As much as it annoys me how almost everyday my sister will come home and ask me if I plan yet, it's true that I keep saying that I'll get it done tomorrow. Sigh. I really don't know why I keep procrastinating. I guess it's a scary thing to plan sometimes. And the thing about planning is that no doubt it gives you a clearer direction, you cannot follow to closely to it and you need to learn to be spontaneous and flexible with it 'cause yes, things don't always go according to plan. 

Another day gone and yep, nothing done. I think I really need to force myself to plan. And just stop watching stuffs for just those few hours. Today I really wanted to. But yep, change of plans here and there. But not an excuse to not planning too.

And actually planning really doesn't take up much of the time. Just have to start. Gah. It's always the start part that puts people off.

Somehow, I really want to be able to just wake up and have everything falling into place. To know what I want, what to do, where I want to go. To just know what the future is for you. To see it clearer just like that. But yes, I need to really wake up this idea that everything will just come to me just like that. All these thinking isn't enough. It's always the doing, the actions that matter. It's stuffs I already know. Stuffs I always type about but I don't do them. It's really all talk but no action.

So yes, I can't just wake up when everything is perfect and done. And have my life set for me. Because yea, I have control of my life. I know God makes the plans for us, but He can't do anything if we just sit around and wait for Him to do stuffs. He is God but He isn't a magician. What you do is trust that whatever you do, He wants it to happen and it's the best choice for you. Doing. Lazy is kinda the most common thing I say. An excuse that I use too often. Really too often. And it's really the most invalid excuse ever. But ok at least I'm honest with knowing that I'm lazy. I think I really have always been lazy since young. Have no idea why 'cause my parents and my sister are quite far from being lazy. Yep, probably really need to learn more from them.

And you know, sometimes I really forget the stuffs that I did before. Because actually, it doesn't really matter now. What you did in the past are important because they shape who you are now. But if you don't continue being like that now, it really doesn't matter if you used to be some CCA leader or exco member or what not. And if at times you forget about being like that, means yea you really suck. Lol! Ok I think at times I put myself down a lot. Sometimes I forgot that I was once capable of stuffs. And that I am still capable of them as long as I put myself out there for it. Sometimes, you just forget who you are. Strange as it may sound but yea, sometimes you just lost yourself. With so many people in this world, it's easy to lose yourself.

This song here is actually really quite good. Haha! You know, I really think I'm quite a confused person at times. Lol! As in I know what I want, but at times I really don't. But I make it seem like I know what I'm doing. Or maybe that's what I thought. I'm quite confusing I guess. Do you find yourself having times when you feel like you really don't know yourself? Yea I guess that's what I'm currently feeling now. Which kinda sucks 'cause it's a new year and I should be happy and sure of life instead of being confused. But ok I guess it actually really doesn't matter? As in ok, probably should just stop typing and go to sleep. I'm not exactly talking coherently anymore. Lack of sleep makes your mind think a lot I realise. And make you all emotional and weird.

let's start this again

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

It's 2014 and it really really doesn't feel like it at all. But it's strangely different too so it's quite weird. Haha! Countdown with the BKK trip people. Ok, Order of the Phoenix. We really really need better names for our Whatsapp groupchat. Anyway, yep! Lazy to describe more but had a great time with them! Heads up, Poker, Bridge. Yes, I need to remember how to play Bridge forever. LOL! It's the game that I somehow never remembers how to play. Ok probably my mind like refusing to accept it. Lol! But ok I think I sort of get it now already. Must play often then will get ma!

Anyway, we managed to stay awake until 6am! Then yea we all cannot make it. Lol! Ok I think I was the first to not make it 'cause they were playing Bridge and I had nothing to do so that's when sleepiness starts creeping in. Haha!

Met up with JC pple after that~ Supposed to go sing with them but I ps. SORRY! I kinda made them change their plans last minute. =\ I'll repent and reflect and never to do it again. Wah I realise I really make plans sometimes without thinking much. Lol! Agree and say ok before thinking. It's ok! I'll learn. And erm not repeat them again. Anyway, school's starting. =( BUT WAH. Still nice to meet them. Haha! We like walking around Westgate and Feli and I were like walking zombies. I really felt this strange floating feeling but I know I'm very much on earth and just dragging my body around. Ya, I really cannot stay up too late already. I don't know why. It's like signs of ageing. Okok, that's quite lame actually. Lol!

Anyhow, went home and crashed and then bathe and went to my grandma's house for dinner. HAHA! To celebrate my aunt's birthday too!

And yep, now I'm in a current state where I am tired but somehow I don't feel like sleeping. It's damn weird. Like if you put me on the bed now, sleeping is instant. And I miss my bed after one night. Haha! But yep, I just feel like staying up a bit longer. I think 'cause school is really starting soon so I must make full use of what time I have left to not do anything and just enjoy. Lol!

I also realised that I am super lucky with classes. It's like somehow I'm just supposed to have someone I know in the class before going for my first lesson. Ok actually, I still have one class I don't know really know anyone there but some names I see before. And it's so strange 'cause some names I see them appearing in multi class lists. Means they have more than one class that is same with me. Actually, term 1 I had that too. But I didn't make friends with those who I had more than one class with. HAHA! Maybe this sem I should try. Haha! But yep, I think it's quite cool how I really have at least someone I know from the class. Super lucky. And yes, I have Swap with me next semester. Haha! And Jiesi but that's because we bid the classes together. Must prepare for our horrible timetable semester. Year 2 onwards, never again sia. Our current timetable really damn screwed up. Hers worse than mine though. But yes!! We will get through this!! And we must both really up our GPA like crazy. YESS!! WE CAN DO THIS. I'm motivated now. Haha!

You know 2014 is a really strange year. Haha! For 2013, the start of it was exciting 'cause ok, we were having the time of our lives. Haha! And there was quite a lot of new experiences and stuffs. 2014 there isn't really anything much that I'm looking forward to as of now. Haha! Summer break!! But that's just like of course. LOL! I guess starting semester 2 is kinda scary too. Another round of not knowing what to expect. But I guess slowly, I'm getting used to it. And knowing that you'll have friends here and there and make friends here and there. Lol! We'll see how. I just hope I won't be stuck in those weird situations that I don't know what to make out of. And yes, probably really need to be more open with stepping out of my comfort zone. Stepping out of comfort zone is never easy but it's necessary at times and yep, I need to adjust my mindset to it. Honestly, I think I will be able to do fine? Hopefully so ah. Lol! I need to be more daring to be alone to make friends and stuffs. I think I'm really too used to having someone with me to make things easier. Then when I don't have a friend with me, I'm just crazy quiet.

2014, I don't really have much things I want to really set out and do. But I should probably come out with some stuffs. Haha! If not it's new year for nothing. Haha! 2013 has been great but yep! 2014, I have doubts on how great it will be, but I really hope it will be good to me. Lol! AND OMG! Some of the guys are going ORD this year. HAHA! I think it's actually strangely one of the stuffs to look forward to even though it doesn't really affect me. Ok, it kinda does since them being out of army means more time to meet up. =D But then again, we also have school and stuffs. Sigh.

Time is passing by really freaking quickly I swear. How the hell did 2013 came and went, I'll never know. Later I'll think of something for 2014 I guess. Haha! Today is going to be the day I'll "prep" for school and sort out all my computer stuffs and whatever stuffs I need for my lessons. And figure stuffs out. Stuffs that I told myself to do this winter break but procrastinated like shit. And yep, my iMovie and Photoshop. I wanted to learn these two also but yep, of course I didn't. Lol! GAH. And what, I have less than 1 week more before all hell break loose again. =\ Too late for regrets now and ok, I'm not exactly regretting 'cause I think I spent it quite alright? Just that last week I really just rot at home for almost the whole week, watching shows and movies and yep not doing anything else. But I guess I'm allowed to do so since it's really the only time I can rot and watch shows 'cause once school starts, if I rot and watch shows, I should probably kill myself.

OK! One HIMYM episode and I shall sleep!