cut off

This random thought came up to me when I was hanging clothes this morning. What if one day I decided to ignore everyone? Like cut off myself from all my friends. Family I can't do that since I do live with them. Haha! But yea, what if I just suddenly stop replying on Whatsapp, or even better, change my number completely, delete all forms of social media account and just disappear? But ok, I didn't think much of it after that 'cause I know I can't do that.

That's why it kinda amazes me how some people really can? Lol! Like completely cut off. So strange. But yea, I just know that I cannot. Friends are important to me. Yes, make new friends and all but nope, I like them old friends so I won't let them go. Haha! And they have been nothing but awesome so far so why let them go? And yea, true friends are hard to come by and I'm really freaking hell thankful I found them in early years of my life. Haha! Just that, I kinda miss a whole bunch of them. Ages since I talked to some of them and yes, it makes me very sad. But yep yep! I know I can meet them soon!! Or at least I hope I can. I hope they are free. Tsk. No idea why they are so busy sometimes.

It will be quite a different experience though. To cut off from your friends completely. It's like starting a whole new life all over again. Making friends from scratch. And really just yea, it's so weird. No friends at all kinda feeling. I think that's kinda how some people felt when they go overseas to study? I mean yea, they have friends and family back her in Singapore but they don't have anybody there. It's really like from scratch kinda thing? Just that yea lar, the thing about this is that you know that you have people back in Singapore waiting for you to come back and looking forward for you to come back.

Maybe that's why I feel like going on exchange. HAHA! As in not to get away from everyone but yea, really just be in a situation where you are all alone and you have to make friends from scratch. Unless you are crazy lucky to have someone you know who is having exchange in the same university as well. Haha! But yes, I really want to go for exchange. I think it's really a worthy experience. Save money!!!

But yes, I also realised that I want to go overseas with a lot a lot of people. I keep telling people from all different groups "Let's go overseas together!" But yes, there are quite a few different groups of people so that's a lof of different overseas trip as well. But ok, some I die die most go. Hopefully, they want also. HAHA! Ok we'll see how! All them grand plans. And yes, we are growing up too. Damn. Really hate this because it really means slowly, we'll have lesser and lesser time together. And and when you get married and have children, that's it. Ok, my husband has to be one who likes travelling if not I'll die sia. Ok in the first place, I won't even marry him? Haha! As in yea, really ideals too different already. For me, travelling is really important so it's like a criteria also ah.

But ok, that's all for the future. Still a long way to come. First, get my grades up and study harder and do more things as well. Portfolio. Freaking hell portfolio. Always still the most important thing in life. Need to start planning stuffs. Have been procastinating since the start of Dec Hols. Still left with so many things to do and I'm only left with 2 more weeks. Crap sia. I didn't realise it's really two more weeks before school starts. NOOOOOOO.

Things that are hard to bring back

I realise that the memories I really miss the most is sec 3 and 4. Was looking at old photos just now and when I look at those photos, I really feel happy because it's as if you are brought back to that moment and relieving everything that was happening. And you can feel everyone's genuine happiness and smiles in the photos. Somehow. Everyone was really happy and enjoying each other's company.

I guess why I miss these two years the most is because I know that somehow it really won't be the same again. It's hard to get everyone together again and even if everyone is present, what we have now is different from then. People change and drift and it can't be helped. But of course, if it's still possible to see everyone, it will still be nice. But to be true, as you grow older, the ones who truly matters, are the ones you will want to meet up more often. And you'll rather meet up more often with them more than meeting people who have became acquaintances to you. 

Of course, once in awhile, it's nice to see everyone. To know that everyone is doing well. But as we get older, we have lesser time and yea, you'll want to meet up with those who matters more. Since you have lesser time at hand now. And slowly, people drift.

But I guess that's when you see who are truly the friends who matter? Those who you will invite to your wedding and they will invite you to theirs. HAHA! People who you want to celebrate a special event of yours with. And yea, these are the people who are for life. Who will truly be there for you when you are in any kinds of trouble. 

I think I sort of digressed but I guess even though I miss those memories a lot, I know that at least I had them and that's enough. To know that they have been a part of your life at some point of time, even though they may not be in your life now anymore. Those memories, at least they were happy? Haha! Where you will really sit in front of the computer and smile or laugh to yourself when you see the photos. 

That's why photos are really incredible. So glad that I've saved the photos that are really important. Just that yea, there are still some photos that are hard to find or impossible to get back but I guess it's alright. Create new ones. That's what my mum told me when I was crying crazy over my damned harddisk that spoiled. 

What's most important is really living the present and create memories that one day, you will look back and smile again. Even if you know that it may never come again, having it once before is better than not having it at all. 

SCHOOL 2013

Alright, so I have to admit that I should stop watching show with only people I know acting in it. HAHA! And that first few episodes may not be great but that doesn't mean the other episodes won't be AWESOME.

Faeqa had been telling me to watch this show since forever but I didn't. Heh. And then one day I started watching but then I was quite bored by the first 2 episodes. Ok the first episode wasn't much. Like I was telling Faeqa how I kept frowning. LOL! So then I stop watching for a long while until Faeqa transferred the whole show to my hard disk. Easier to watch show when it's easily accessible. For someone as lazy as me lar.

So yes, this is really a good drama. Haha! It really shows school life and how it is. And just how everyone is so different and unique and that I don't know. The show is just damn touching. Haha! The friendship between the 2 male lead is really rock solid. I cannot even. Lol!

"You dumb bastard. You should have just been there from the start. No matter what! You should have just stayed there. All I had besides soccer was you—and when soccer was gone and I wanted to die, you should have just been there, bastard. So what I’m saying is, didn’t you miss me, bastard?”
- Heung-Soo

This scene was really the most woah part. The whole show I really teared like mad constantly. 

[HAHA! I typed this in July but didn't finish typing so I didn't post it. But ok come, let's continue.]

Anyway, so yes, this show is really good. Just go watch. HAHA! It's really a show about friendship and how some teachers are really just so crazy dedicated and awesome. So yes, just go watch. Haha!

Let Your Heart Hold Fast - Fort Atlantic

[ To believe I walk alone
Is a lie that I've been told

So let your heart hold fast
For this soon shall pass
Like the high tide takes the sand ]

Let Your Heart Hold Fast - Fort Atlantic

This song has a Christmas feeling. HAHA! It's from How I Met Your Mother. =D Yes, next semester, it's going to the sitcom to keep me sane. And maybe still Friends. Friends is forever one lar. I can never ever get sick it. Anyway, yes this song is nice. I'm getting more into this kind of music more and more. Actually, ok, I think I'm quite versatile. I'm alright with almost any kind of music. And slowly you get used to some music. Haha! Except metal. That genre I can never understand. Lol!

Super long since I posted lyrics. Super long since I post nicely. Haha! Or rather, post events and stuffs. Yes, my life isn't that boring. I do have stuffs to post about. Just a bit lazy here and there. Haha!

And yes, I realise 2013 is coming to an end which means it's time for another round of wrap up posts for the year. But 2013, even though there really is a lot going on in my life this year, it's still hard to wrap things up. Haha! Maybe 'cause too many things happened. Too many things to say. But honestly, I think this is the fastest year so far ever in life. Especially the 8 months. =( but okok, I really had a good break so I'm fine.

HAHAHA! Shit I'm feeling so happy for something small. But ok, it's still a happy thing. =D I realise there are really very nice and awesome people around. HAHA! Ok it always feels nice to have people do nice things for you. Slowly, I hope all the guys will start to be nicer. Haha! I think army really can do wonders to guys sometimes. HAHA! Ok hopefully lar.

I realise this year has a lot of changes yet constants. A lot of adaptation needed but also a lot of comfort. And ok, 2013 hasn't been a bad year actually. There are ups and downs. But there are so many worthy memories. But ok, I'll leave it to another day. HAHA! Too many things to do now. But ok, at least I'm kinda determined to do stuffs now? For a while, the start of my December break, all I wanted to do was really just rot at home and watch shows and slack around. And I think you really need days like that sometimes. But you can't do that for the entire December because it's crazy waste of time. So yes, I think now is the part where you start to do stuffs. And yes of course, going out and meeting up. Actually, that one I have been doing since the start already lar. Haha! Going out is only natural for me. Heh. I really cannot cope at home for more than 2 days straight. And I still need to get out of house to buy food at Bangkit in those 2 days if not I'll really feel very weird.

Here's a pretty face of me. HAHA! I realise I'm getting more and more shameless. I hope it's not something to do with age but it does feel like it. Lol! Somehow, as you grow older, you just don't care anymore and you will rather much want to be younger and do stupid things. Clinging on what remains you have of being a teenager. But ok, honestly, it doesn't matter lar. I'm just ranting. And probably am kinda tired too.

Ok I need to organise the remaining days left of my break and sleep. And I realise yea, being uncontactable for a day really feels nice somehow. Haha! Sometimes you really just need to take a break from your phone.

that song

Do you have this song in your playlist that you rarely or never listen to because it reminds you of someone whenever you hear this song? And that the reason why the song is still in your playlist is also because of that? Maybe it's just you being lazy to sort out your playlist. Maybe you just don't feel like listening to that song at that point of time but you think that you will still listen to it some other time. But you actually know that the reason why you don't listen to the song and don't delete it from your playlist is because the person is one who you don't want to be reminded of but you still can't let go of.

Conflict right? But I realise yea, there really is always a song that will somehow remind you of some people in your life. Or maybe a few people. Haha! And sometimes, yes, some songs aren't the ones that you kept in your playlist and not listen to them. But yep, sometimes, it's really hard to just delete the song from your playlist even though you know that you don't really listen to the song anymore already. You just kinda still want it to remain there in the playlist. Like how you want that person to still be in your life even though you don't really talk or see the person. It's strange how people work. Or at least I hope that I'm not the only person with that song in my playlist.

But it's not exactly you not letting go. It's just, somehow you just can't really bring yourself to delete the song off? Ok, I think maybe it's really just my issue. Haha! As in hmm, yea, you still want the person to be in your life. But you don't know how to go about keeping the person there. I don't really know how to say this but I guess it's really like that song. You don't listen to it ever anymore. Or you do sometimes when you are in the mood. But it's rare. But you still want the song to be there in your playlist so that one day, when you feel like listening to the song all of a sudden, you know you can still find it in your playlist.

So I guess for that person. You may not see or talk to the person often. Or even much at all. But you know that one day, if you ever want to talk to the person again, you know you can find the person again because yea, the person is still there in your life, in your playlist. Maybe that's why you don't delete the song from your playlist because one day you may really want to hear it again. Just like how you know that this person is still important and part of your life that one day, you know you still want to talk to the person again.

And if you think about it, songs on your playlist, are really people in your life? Some songs you can never get tired of. Some songs you may not listen always but whenever you listen to them, it still feels great. The new songs are usually the ones you listen to the most initially, then after awhile, some of them will be forgotten while some will continue to be one of the songs you will listen to from time to time. Some songs that are just there in your playlist but you really never listen to them ever but this one is really you being lazy to delete them from your playlist until one day you will finally delete them off your playlist. And then yea, there are those songs that you are aware that you don't listen to them because they remind you of some people who you don't really want to be reminded of, yet at the same time, you still want the songs to be there.

This is not a properly phrased paragraph but I guess what I'm trying to say is that our playlist sometimes represents our life? The people who we can never get tired of. People who you don't see often but when you see them, you feel awesome. New friends made who you will see more often initially because it's part of the maintaining friendship part, until a point where it either continues to be good friends or slowly fade into mere acquaintances. Certain people who are really just acquaintances in your life and soon they will slowly fade from your life. And yes, the people who you try very hard to not be reminded of often but you know that they are actually still important in your life and you know that you don't want to lose them and you want to know that they will continue to be part of your life in some ways.

And that one day, when you no longer stop listening to the song on purpose just because it reminds you of the person, you know that the person is either of another kind of significance in your life or the person is sort of out of your life completely. And yes, that's when you either delete or keep the song.

Aha, I think I'm talking in a very confusing way. But yes, my main point is that I hope that one day, that song is no longer that song that reminds me of you but it's just a song as it is. And that I shouldn't skip the song because it reminds me of you but because I really genuinely don't feel like listening to it and yea you delete it from your playlist because the reasons for keeping the song in your playlist no longer holds.

But I realise sometimes, a song can change its significance. Ok, this is going to get even more confusing than it already is. Lol! It's like how places have different significance too. As in you will always remember what happened at that place if it is something significant. But new memories and even better ones can be formed at that same place as well. It doesn't mean that the place only holds one memory to you. Because yea, limited places we have here in Singapore. HAHA! But yep, of course certain memories are more significant that some others. Or maybe there are just of differing significance. They are all nice memories in different ways.

So I guess it applies to songs as well? HAHA! Sigh, I don't really know where I'm getting at anymore. I thought it out to be nice post but then as I type, I think more and then too many sides to viewing it pops up. Different perspectives. Yes, my brain works like that. WHY? Probably should consolidate the thoughts first but whatever, this is my blog so I type what comes to mind first. Haha! Maybe I'll try to consolidate what I actually mean by THAT SONG when I think about it more clearly. Or when I'm less tired. Aiya, whatever lar huh. Lol! The idea is there. I think it's good enough.

and we dance all night to the best song ever

HAHA! This photo is everywhere. But it's really my favourite photo of the day. And ok, one of my favourite photo ever 'cause we look really happy naturally. =D And it's rare to get strangers to take nice natural group shot. Haha!

And yes I swear we are all directioners. Annoying teenagers who sing to One Direction's songs. HAHA! But their songs are really catchy and nice to sing to. It's true. =D

Anyway, yea USS with them was super chill. HAHA! But ok had fun and laughed like crazy too. As always lar. They are very strange people. =D Embarrassing? Yes. HAHA! But ok we embarrassments together.

Just a random thought, but I really can't wait for the day when we are all attached and somehow our boyfriends can all get along or we just force them to come out with us and they can be our photographers. HAHA! Then we don't need to always find people to take photos for us. =D Haha! Yes my sly moves. But honestly, it will be damn cool if somehow everyone can get along or we forced them all to get along. LOL! Ok fine maybe it will be awkward but I think it will be ok since we are all quite old already. Maturity. Haha! Wait until we all get attach first ah.

I realise I really need to update my blog more often. Lol! It's quite empty. But ah blogging takes up time sometimes and sometimes you'll rather do a lot of other things instead. But heh, I still owe my Korea post. I think I can still rememeber most of it though. How fun sia. HAHA! I WANT TO GO OVERSEAS. =(

Crazy long since I updated here. With proper stuffs. Haha! I realised yea, this year really passed by in a flash. Somehow, the first 7 months of enjoying and working past by so quickly. Then another 4 months of sch term also went by and here we are, December of 2013.

This year, to be true, there are many events. Probably starting university is something significant but sometimes you forget about it. LOL! But yes made new friends, some are great, some are strange. HAHA! But yea, I really hope that I do get to keep in contact with the ones I like. Haha! I think it's really quite hard to really make lasting friendships in university but I still hope it's not completely impossible. Making the effort I guess! Same goes to all friendships anyway. It's always about making the effort to meet up and to ask about each others life. Thankful to have people like that in my life.

And I don't know why but I decided to look at my calender from January to July. And I really read the events happening each day. The many "Dinner with (someone and someone)" and the "Meet up with (someone and someone)" Some meet ups and dinner, I really have no recollection of them. LOL! But one thing is consistent is the names of those people I had dinner with and meet up. HAHA! All them same people. So glad for them in my life. And that somehow they are still in it. I think from August to November it's different though. But I haven't really look at my calender for those months. HAHA!

Anyway, yea, once school started, some people I really met lesser. Which yea, it's quite sad. But I guess that's why there's Winter Break and Summer Break for us to see these people. HAHA! And to meet up with those people who don't frequent the list of pple who I meet up with often. But yes then again, we only have one month to spam meeting up with pple. And besides meeting people, there are other stuffs to do too such as watching shows, reading books and planning the next 4 years in uni. Yep. That much to do. And ok, there really is quite a lot of stuffs I wanted to do this break. But sigh. There is this inertia. Except for watching shows 'cause that's always easy. Haha!

SHERLOCK! It's super awesome. Everyone should go watch. I'm kinda lagged behind in starting to watch the show but yes, it's really awesome. Can't wait for the next season to come out. The ending for season 2 is really annoying but very good too. Too smart too smart.

And ok I realise yea, I really want to make it a point to take at least a photo whenever I meet up. LOL! Even if it's some nonsense photo of not the face. Yea I'm really a visual pictorial person. Hence, once wanted to be a photographer. Haha! Okok I still like to take photos. Just not as much and there honestly isn't much scenarios for me to take photos of. Sigh. Not much fun activities. Ok I got lazy to lug my camera around too. I rely on my Holga a little bit now. HAHA! Yes, back to the Holga. Probably because I accidentally bought 3 rolls of films. (Yes, I really didn't know what I was thinking about.) AND I REALLY SHOULD HAVE SPAMMED MORE WHEN I WAS IN KOREA. Sigh. Holga works the best when overseas. With nice and pretty sceneries. OK I'm biased but whatever. And ok, technically, Singapore does have some nice sceneries here and there. Just that it doesn't look like I"m going them anytime soon. And even if I'm there, it ain't with the right people. =( My annoying lazy, camera-shy friends. Act camera-shy only btw. Tsk.

All them random thoughts coming to me late at night. I just think that 2013 really really passed by in a flash. And I know that years are going to pass my quicker and quicker until awhile later. And yes, soon, I'm going to be 20 freaking years old. And OHYA! That day, this guy at the ticket place asked for my IC for an NC16 movie. So apparently I look younger than 16 to him. I can't even. I don't even know how to react. To be happy or what. LOL! That somehow I look young. But it's too damn joke. And I was with Weiying and Faeqa mind you. Ok lar, not saying that they don't look their age but me leh. I look my age. Like 98% of the time. Damn weird. But oh well. For me to feel a momentary happiness even though I'm going to turn 20 really soon. 20 is too freaking weird. But yes I'll embrace it. Nah it's all bullshit. I think I'll start to freak out when I'm really nearing it. Hopefully, I get too preoccupied with studies or whatever shit that I forgot about it. Somehow ah. And and sigh. I really hope that I'll get to spend my birthday with some people I like at least. And not like new uni friends whom I'm not very closed with and may still celebrate my birthday because it's birthday and you are obliged to celebrate it when you know it's that day and it will be weird and uncomfortable 'cause I don't want to spend my birthday with them. Yes, me and my reasoning. Just need to see at least one group of the people I do really like and don't mind them celebrating my birthday even if it's just for a simple meal at McDonald's. Like for real sia. I don't know when I become so particular about seeing people I like on my birthday. LOL! Probably got pampered by those friends who almost always meet up with me every birthday. HAHA! But yea, sigh, hope uni won't be a bitch and make everyone busy on that day and leave me to spend my birthday with acquaintances that I don't really give a damn if they don't wish me happy birthday.

Then agian, ok lar, sometimes it doesn't really matter. As long as you get nice wishes from your friends, you are happy. HAHA! Oh well whatever lar. Just hope 20 will come easy on me and not make me freak out.

Okok, time to really go sleep already. And yes, start thinking what to do with well, life. Haha!

people everywhere but it's different

sighhhhhh I miss people. Yes again. But really ba, I realise I haven't really see my friends in a long while. =\ why can't everyone I like be in the same sch as me. =\ like really just everyone. then everywhere I go, I see people I like and be happy. HAHA! Sigh. Me and my greediness. Maybe it's 'cause I'm out of touch with people for the past 2 days.

Yep, my phone. This phone, dropped into a toilet bowl. BLOODY HELL. I honestly don't even know how it actually happened. It slipped out of my freaking hands sia. Not even like from my pocket or anything. And I wasn't playing with my phone while I was peeing. =( damn sian. But ok, I think it will still be working fine. Seems quite alright to me. I hope it is though if not I'll be very very sad. And yes, it's clean 'cause I flushed the toilet already when the phone dropped in.

Anyway, I really fear for the grades for 2 modules. Though it's over, it's not good over. Yesterday, after my math paper, I really felt like crying. Yes, crying over a paper is such a primary sch thing or O levels or A levels thing but yes it really suck. Like I really ah don't know lar. It's just too screwed up. I guess the thing about maths is that once you don't know how to do, you don't know how to do. No fluff can help you because you can't fluff maths. That's why I really miss content stuffs. At least there will always be something to write. Even if it's nonsense. Maths, you can't write nonsense. Well, ok you can but you know it's confirm wrong so what's the point of it? Ok method marks. But wahhhh it really was a shitting feeling. And I didn't have my phone with me so I can't just rant out to people straightaway. Sucks sia.

But ok, food and watching one episode of Friends lifted my mood. HAHA! Probably was hungry also. And then bloody had to study for STATS right after MFE. I realise I should have just hecked MFE and put in more effort with STATS in the first place. Like at least for STATS, studying helps. But yep, too late already 'cause it's all over~~~~~ I can't even feel happy about it being over. WHY

Seriously can't wait for 2nd December. When I can totally and completely let go. And go out with people I like. Even if it's just going to someone's house to chill. And seriously, I need to see them people. Too long never see them already. =( Even talking to them feels so nice. LOL! Like deprived like that. But wahhhhhh, why is there army and university. Why can't life just stop at aft A levels and before army and university. Where everyone is available and free and happy and happy. Yea happy. Just happy. With no care in the world but to enjoy and take a good deserving break after studying our ass off for 2 years. 8 months is really not enough somehow. I don't know how but it's just not enough.

And freaking hell I really want to go overseas. Like anywhere is fine. Just away from Singapore. Or chalet. GAHHH I miss chalet. =( I want chalet. Why can't we have chalet? Sigh. But I really want to travel overseas. Just buy some random plane ticket and just go.

I really hope that one day, I'll be able to just carry a bag with a passport, a camera, some money and credit card. And just go to the airport. And buy a random plane ticket to somewhere and just go. To do that, I first have to be rich. But that's really the life. Just going overseas on random just because you feel like.

I really really hope sem 2 will be better because yea, this is quite depressing at times. And then you think about GPA and wah, you really just feel like quitting school. HAHA! Ok lar not really. I know this spot for me is really a rare one and I should really treasure it. I really hope that I am cut out for it though. Really feels like I'm of no match to it. It kinda sucks when you know that you are really the one tanking the left side of the bell curve.

I used to be on the right side of the bell curve. =\ Then again, I was competing with lesser people then. Sigh. University is really a whole different league of people. People who are really smarter and all.

Need some shopping therapy. And food therapy. Everything lar. Everything fun and nice and good and awesome. I WANT.

And ok, I think I'm feeling slightly sian 'cause I really really want a relationship like Monica and Chandler. HAHA!! I know, it's a freaking lame reason to be feeling sian about but they are really too awesome lar. And yes, it's fictional and all but they are really just so meant for each other. They are so lucky. Lol! And seeing them just makes you really want to have a relationship like theirs as well. But ok, cannot be perfectionist and stuffs. HAHA! But they are honestly really very cute. Haha! Ah well. But yes yes, it's just a thought. When the day someone comes along somewhere, somehow. I will be patient. Haha! Ok honestly, I'm really quite happy being single and stuffs. But then again, I don't know how's it like to be attached so I can't really compare. But I guess yea, when it comes, it comes. Even if it doesn't come for a long time, it will come someday ultimately? That's what I'm believing and yes, I believe that there is always a person meant for another person. That there is always a pair. And one thing good about being attached is that when you are sad and stuffs, you know that there will always be this one person who will listen to all your rants and tell you that everything is going to be alright. I mean yea, I have my family and friends to tell me that now but somehow it's kinda different I think? To know that someone is really there for you. Someone who will look after you no matter what.

But ok yes, I think my family and friends deserve great credit for cheering me up though. Lol! As in yea, I really cannot survive without them. HAHA! That's of course but yea, they are really important. So as of now, having them is actually really more than enough for me. And yes, I am happy. Just you know, sometimes you wonder and think a bit too much. Haha! Maybe age is catching up on me. HAHA!

But it really is you know. I'm going to be 20 in about 2 months time. OMG EXACTLY 2 MONTHS TIME. =( I don't even feel it anymore. Lol! Or rather, I don't even realise how fast time is passing by anymore. Soon, I'm going to graduate from SMU and start working. And woah. Too fast really.

20 huh. It sounds really old. With the 2 in front. =\ I don't want!!!! I can go back to 18. Sound sounds like a nice age. Or rather 17. Ok lar, anything below 19. 19 sounds horrible 'cause it's like not here not there.

AND OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH CATCHING FIRE!! THE OST IS SUPER GOOD. And and everyone who watched it says it's good. So yes I want to watch. =(

Alright, end of my rant. Haha! Music is really awesome. And shows. Sitcoms. Haha! Ok today shall be my slack and have fun day and I will start studying again from tmr onwards.