D-Day

So tmr is the big day. Finally the day where we see what those two years of JC had become of. Those intense mugging session. My many eac trips and many drinks so that I can study and all. Starbucks and everything. I really hope they were all worth it. All that complaining and sleepless nights. All that cramming in the brain. History geography everything. I really hope that they were all worth it.

I guess what matters is that you went through this phase of life. You made it through it. You learned so much from it. And you grow up from it. You may not get what you want. But at least you survived through that phase of your life and when you look back, you will realise how much you have grown from it. Yes, what happens tmr, no one knows. Ok probably our teachers may know. But whatever results we do get, just remember that grades doesn't mean everything. Honestly. Yes. You can still grieve and feel sad. I'm not saying to be happy even if you are sad inside. That's just unhealthy. But don't dwell in the sadness because only you can get yourself out of it. Yes, be sad. Be happy. Just know that you still have to carry on with life. Because life doesn't stop after you get your results. It continues to go on. So yes, you can be sad but know when you should come out of it because after that, you have to really keep your life and your future right. And plan. And be clear of what you want. It's hard. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. But we sure hell still have to do that because yes, life doesn't stop.

I am scared. When I think abt it, I just get goosebumps. My heart rate just increases. And when I received the text from Mr Phang, I was touched but I wanted to tear at the same time. Because I really want to do well for him as well. Of course, I want to do well for myself the most. Then my parents. My family. And then of course all my friends and teachers. People who have faith in me. I really don't want to let people down. I don't want to let myself down. I really really don't want to feel the feeling I felt after I got back my PSLE results. Yes. That was 6years ago, times are different, I am different now from when I was 12. But I still remembered how bad the feeling was when I saw my score. I really don't want to feel that. I cannot.

But yes, I know that no matter what, I have my parents with me. Not physically but they will always be with me. Sucks though that my mum won't be at home tmr night. But it may be a good thing as well. Gah. I really really want to be happy tmr. Or at least satisfied with what I have.

And seriously, my mum always knows the right words to say/the right words to make me cry. So I will text her tmr instead of calling. Haha!

I really hate myself sometimes for being so optimistic. I guess it's a good and bad thing. And it can be annoying. Because yes, sometimes, things really just don't seems to be alright at all. But it really always does though. Which is something I always see.

I hope it's because I'm tired from work that I'm not feeling as nervous and panicky as the rest of the world are. I feel like I either gave up or can't be bother or what. It's damn weird. I know I still care abt my grades. I care a lot. But I'm not nervous or scared as I think I shd be. Which is really weird. I am scared and all but not to the extend with which my friends are though. Ah I hope I'm just tired. Because I know I do still are about what results I get.

Ok maybe I should sleep now. I think I'm really quite tired to even panic. Thank God for work today to make me tired. Haha!