tomorrow tomorrow... Waiting For The End - Linkin Park

[ What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on

And I don’t even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
Picking up those pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again ]

Waiting For The End - Linkin Park

The lyrics to this song is really awesome. And it kinda describes how I'm feeling now. Waiting for the end. I know tomorrow isn't the end but the beginning. But I know it's going to be hard no matter what. Good or bad, happy or sad.

I'm scared about what's going to happen tomorrow. I don't want to feel what I felt 4 years ago. I want to feel the same feeling that I felt last year when I got my normal Chinese results. That feeling, was really great. I really want to feel it again tomorrow. That light-headed happiness. The surreal feeling. The kind of feeling that you really cannot believe that you actually did it. That the marks that you got are really yours. Seeing your name on the piece of paper that said A1.

This time, I really want to see a paper, with L1R5: 8, with my name printed on it. The points that I got from all the shit that I had been through last year. Ok, it wasn't all shit but it wasn't great. Like all the stress and all and the cramming of my brain and the numb feeling that my hand felt after writing fast, quick and neatly. Racking my brains solving the maths questions.

I really don't want it to be like PSLE. Because this time round, I did work hard. Maybe I didn't work as hard I really should have but I know I did work much harder for O levels than I did for PSLE. I know a lot of people did too 'cause PSLE is really nothing as compared to O levels. But I really really want to see my hardwork to be paid off. It will hurt really bad if it doesn't.

I'm really scared for tomorrow. I was right. For the past few days, I felt neutral and all, so I was scared that the day before the results or on the day of the results, I will panic and freak out like crazy. Today, my mood was just scary. Maybe it was 'cause that time of the month came but then again, I don't think so. Broke down quite a lot today. It's a good thing in a way that my parents and my sister weren't at home today or they would have freaked out at my crazy mood. Strange things can affect my mood so greatly.

Tomorrow, I really don't know what to expect. I want to go on stage badly. No, I must go on stage. If I don't go on stage, it means that I got more than 10 points. I think I'll be real crushed if I got more than 10 points. For someone that wants to go NJC badly, it will be a total disappointment if I got more than 10 points. I don't want to feel the lost feeling. I really don't.

Argh.. Feeling extremely nervous now. O levels seemed so far away, and tomorrow is going to the results of it. I'm not sure if I had really done my best or not. There were some papers that I think I didn't do that great in. To be true, I'm only confident with my Maths. But argh.. Okok let's not think about subject by subject 'cause that's just scary.

Dear God, please let me get L1R5:8 and let me go into National Junior College. My sister left her uniform for me to wear it this year and next year. I really really want to be able to put on her uniform and go to school. It will be really great. And I really hope that my friends will also get the same score as me and go to NJC together too. It will really be awesome.

I guess, yea, I will get the score that I deserve? I just really hope that it's the score that I want. I want to strike out one more thing from my wishlist. Can't believe 2010 is really over huh. Lol. Suddenly realise how fast it had gone by. Have some regrets. But there is nothing much I can do about it already.

Hope that tomorrow will be alright. Ok, IT WILL BE ALRIGHT!!

I will go on stage to shake whoever's hand's and take my results of L1R5:8! And I will get into NATIONAL JUNIOR COLLEGE!

I'll end this post with a super cute photo that I saw on happythings tumblr. =)



I'm everything of it when I'm tired. Haha! Experience all stage of sleepiness before. =D Laughed like crazy when I saw this, especially the extremely hyper and cranky stage of sleepiness. =D